Striving?

Man, I am so tired today, it was a battle to get myself to write something.
Today is one of those early nights in...

What a weird day...
I do not like days like this,
I have seen many of them over the last 10 months.

I will have a really great peaceful week, month, or even just a few days...
Finally, I gain a sense of sanity in this insecure season... like riding a roller coaster when it reaches the top.
There is a pause- just long enough to take in a breath and a glimpse of the vast horizon before-
Click, click, click... WOOSH!

I have to go running tomorrow.
It is my fault I get this stressed and I know it.
Every time I turn in job applications I get stressed like this.
Whether I applied to a large corporation or a store in a shopping center.
I become such a slave to my potential employer internally.
Suddenly my sense of worth has shifted palms as I retract my self-esteem from the Lord's hands to someone else's.

LORD, renew my mind...
I put so much hope in man even when I do not mean to or want to.
Rewire my inward being to know You as my Provider so much so that I do not worry who studies my "qualifications."
My worth has always come from You, not my résumé.
Your provisions are timely.
Your timing, perfect.

In Jesus' Name,
Amen.


Not sure why I make myself stay up when I'm tired early, but I suppose finding this video made it worthwhile!