Monday, December 24, 2007

[It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...]

I'm not so sure that the title to this post will have anything to do with what I actually write. But it's the song that is stuck in my head and the warm sensation that keeps my cheeks rosie in my cold (but cozy) bedroom.

Oh Lord.
There are so many thoughts that are running through my mind these past 24...36 hours or so.
I haven't written any of them down yet--no wonder a conclusion has yet to be found!

As an old songwriter put it:
We need to get back to the basics of life,
A heart that is pure
And a love that is blind
A faith that is fervently grounded in Christ
The hope that endures for all time...

Don't get me wrong, I am so excited to open every one of those gifts that has my name on it this Christmas. At the same time, I know that they are hardly significant in the long run. I'm not trying to be a scrooge or anything, but I think I'm just tired of all the stuff. Being with my family around the Christmas tree, laughing or talking together, and doing stupid things that you never do in front anyone else is what makes home so beautiful.
It really is a beautiful thing.

And I know that not everyone has experienced what I have been blessed with my whole life.
But why can't they?!
Cuz we live in a broken world.
GGGOOOOOOOOOOOSSSHHHHH, if there was some way to express on an internet blog just how much my heart aches & aches & aches for people to know what hope is!

Hope is an adrenaline rush.

Hope is knowing that dreams, even in the deepest part of your heart, can come true.

Sometimes I forget things hoped for.
Now that I am back on familiar territory,
hope is rediscovered.
The adrenaline starts pumping.

I don't think hope is very far off from faith.
God, can this REALLY take place?!
Yes, Child.
Are you sure? Cuz I'm not...
I promise, stop hesitating. Go quickly and just do what I tell you to do.
I don't want to hesitate.
So don't.
There's so much to learn. So much to know.

Oh to see transformation.
It's hard to hope; hard to trust...
But I am determined to see all this through,
because my hope is in the Lord.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

.Frustration, Love, and Loneliness.

It is so easy to find problems yet so difficult to figure out the best way to fix it.

And, although we may fit perfectly with that one person that has been there all the time, we get tangled in the mystery of someone new.

Why is it considered such a bad thing to be alone?


I feel like I am fighting a battle within my own self.
None of us seem to know what we want!
The moments we do are so temporary.
At the same time, life would be boring if our initial goals were permanent.

In the midst of all this rambling inside my head, God is whispering, Trust me. Let me take you through the twists and turns. The journey is what will turn you into solid gold.

Psh, I mean, of course He's right! I know He's right...there is evidence in my own life; in the history of all civilization for goodness sake!

Ohh the frustrations of life.

I am convinced that love is the most formidable catalyst for human struggle...
Sometimes I simply feel desperate to look that person in the eye and say exactly what I have been storing up in me, but I have only ever experienced the outpour of a fetid can of worms as a result.
Take note: this theory of mine is not restricted to romantic love or feelings.

I have reached a conclusion that wisdom comes in keeping your mouth shut.
Not in a way that everything gets bottled up inside (though that is a risk factor),
but with a motive of praying it through and thinking about the situation realistically before taking any steps.

Oh! But I long for progress! I long for a conclusion, a knowing, for a confirmation of mutual attraction or understanding!!

That will come. In My timing and in My plans, that will come.

Sometimes lonliness can spring from such situations.
I felt it last night.
But I don't get why people must wade in their lonliness until they get lost.
There is great gain once being alone is embraced.
In a lone environment, I finally have opportunity to catch up with my own soul.

Yes, God said, it is not good for man to be alone.
I am not saying to be a loner for life!
But take time to breathe!
It's fun to be with people all the time,
but the addiction is not worth having.
Especially if it is preventing growth or forward motion.

"When we have no project to finish,
no friend to visit, no book to read,
no television to watch or no record to play,
and when we are left all alone by ourselves
we are brought so close to the revelation of
our basic human aloneness and are so
afraid of experiencing an all-pervasive
sense of lonliness that we will do anything
to get busy again and continue the game
which makes us believe that everything is fine after all.
John Lennon says:
"Feel your own pain,"
but how hard that is!"
~Henri Nouwen