Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Fighting Pride.

"Never in my life did I imagine that one day I would be washing windows," my friend expressed from the other room.

As my newly manicured hands sponged and squeegeed the unending french panes in the upstairs hallway, I considered this statement for a second and could not agree more. There I stood, a college graduate, cleaning windows in an affluent middle class neighborhood much like the one I was raised in.

It felt good at first- working with my hands instead of staring at a screen. There is something about physical labor that is so much more gratifying than any other form of work.

As the sun took its journey down to the west, the feeling of accomplishment quickly transformed into exhaustion. Struggling to remain patient with a slower worker and the never ending amount of work to be done became the battle inside my mind. I had just come to a balance in my attitude when the home owner arrived. "The screens on the front of the house were put back inside out. The way they are supposed to go on is really obvious."

That was it.

Balance: tipped.
New attitude: angry and offended.

Excuse me? I thought. The excuses overflowed in my brain with offense. That he would speak to me like that when I did not have the responsibility of re-placing the screens- the sluggard did. How dare he talk down to me like that? Like I am less than him. As if I come from somewhere lesser when I actually come from a city with higher nationwide rankings and prestige!

We are not that different, he and I ... and that is probably what made it even harder to serve him. I took a step back from these thoughts full of offense with the reality: pride is quickly revealed in moments of service.

I wanted to wave my wealth at him and my credentials. I wanted so badly for him to see who I am; where I come from. My true identity...

Is that what I hold on to as my identity? How sad that I still cling to such things when I know the Truth.

"But it is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant;

and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be slave of all.

"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many."

It doesn't matter whether we are "equals" in anything. If I am not a servant, I have no greatness. If I cannot put him first, I will not be first.

Pride makes such a good shield for my heart until I realize it is a destructive tool made by the opposing forces. Sigh. So much to learn. So much re-learning to do.

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