Hephzibah.*

6th Official Blog Post in AU. 17 September 2011

I wrote this letter to a girl I met last night. We met on the train because she had too much to drink and really needed some water. I just happened to be the person in the train car with a bottle of water to spare. As transit concluded, I realized how much I wish I could have said or done, but I hope the little I had done and said was enough for God to use in their lives...

My dear girl,

I wish I could have embraced you and told you, “there is more to life than this, I promise.” I want you to know just how beautiful you really are- you don’t need the sexy dress, the sparkly shoes, or braided hair to achieve it. You are precious as you are- a diamond shining through the dirt of what people think you should be.

Sweety, please don’t waste your life listening to your friends when they say, “suck it up; drink some more.” That life will only leave you empty; it will void out your sense of meaning or purpose. Please, please hold tight tonight. Be smart; smarter than the voices around you and often times even wiser than your own voice of compromise. You are not alone in this. Step out and be different- don't be afraid.

I wish I thought quickly enough to say, “Jesus loves you,” or invite you and your friend to church with me tomorrow. My greatest hope is that you and your friend don’t look at me like I am just a good person. As flattering as it was for your friend to say that people should be more like me, the truth is that people really shouldn’t be more like me, but more like Jesus- the one I weakly aspire to imitate. I am praying you see past me and see Him instead.

Honey, you are so dearly loved... so very, dearly loved. Please, I pray you spend the rest of your life getting to know True Love. My heart longs for you to live a full, satisfying life of hope and promise with the God who keeps all His promises and fills you to overflowing.

I love you because Christ first loved us...

Sarah

*Hephzibah means "My delight is in her." (I believe this name is a reflection of what the Lord wants to call this girl who remains nameless to me.)

Aren't YOU Lovely?!

5th Official Blog Post in AU. 30 August 2011

"Embracing Hope."
That is the title of the blog I have been trying to write for over a week now, but I just can't connect all of my thoughts well enough to communicate that subject in its entirety just yet. However, within the last few days, I have felt inclined to bring up another subject for all you lovely ladies out there (and any men who are curious to listen in on girl talk!)...


...

Ladies,

Do you know you are beautiful?
I mean, do you really truly know that and believe it?

What makes you feel beautiful?
Is it your outfit? Maybe your hairstyle? Did you have time to exercise or put on make-up this morning? Do you feel beautiful because your significant other or best friend told you so?

I just want you to know that none of those things are what make you beautiful.

You were made uniquely; with a capacity to love so deeply and more faithfully than what you probably allow yourself to practice at present. You have so much talent inside of you just waiting to be made manifest on the earth. Your ability to nurture and serve people around you really does go a long way. Don't get discouraged if you don't see the results of being generous. You are more influential than you know. You don't have to be a CEO, supermodel, or the perfect mom to achieve greatness. Your beauty flourishes as you grow more and more comfortable with your true, honest-to-goodness, self.

Take a second while you're getting ready in front of the mirror to look yourself straight in the eyes and say, "You are stronger than you think. You are more beautiful than you realize."

I know the whole talking in the mirror thing seems really tacky. I am kind of embarassed to admit that I have done this a few times recently. However, I'm willing to admit it because I am honestly shocked at the impact it has on my thought life every single time!

You are stronger than you think.
You are more beautiful than you realize.


“Like a lily among the thorns,
So is my darling among the maidens.”
~Song of Solomon 2:2
(That's what God says about YOU!)



I can't resist closing with a couple pick-me-up songs...



&

Nationalism.

Fourth Official Blog Post in AU. 15 August 2011

I must warn you that in this present moment I feel like writing about this subject may be a bit premature. Perhaps this will be the preliminary post before I publish a more thoroughly thought through version in the coming week or so. My creative inclination to write is bubbling over today which is why I have decided to proceed on the subject matter anyways. Here goes...

Every day I study and discuss nation states and the issues each one contains: war, genocide, human rights abuse, child soldiers, the concept of government approved torture, poverty, hunger, AIDS, malaria, water conditions, land ownership, colonialism, racism, religious divide; the list seems endless.

We also analyse how to resolve these problems. What are human rights? How do we solve the issue of poverty? How do we understand the psychology of human beings and their use of aggression versus choosing a more peaceful approach? Is war the best method to deal with conflicts between nations? Are the institutions we have set up to preserve human rights and peace even effective? What needs to change so that the world can finally change for the better?

All of these issues and questions can be so... ridiculous at times. Today I was involved in a discussion about global currency and a global community. The professor quixotically stated that these reforms would be the resolution to the lack of equality in the world. My classmates and I were far too practical for such a suggestion. We then asked her whether that would mean the end of national borders, etc. As the conversation continued, I began to add up how much the concept of nationalism has to do with our problems.

na·tion·al·ism   /ˈnæʃənlˌɪzəm, ˈnæʃnəˌlɪz-/ Show Spelled[nash-uh-nl-iz-uhm, nash-nuh-liz-]
noun
1. national spirit or aspirations.
2. devotion and loyalty to one's own nation; patriotism.
3. excessive patriotism; chauvinism.
4. the desire for national advancement or independence.
5. the policy or doctrine of asserting the interests of one's own nation, viewed as separate from the interests of other nations or the common interests of all nations.

Now I am not saying I am in support of a global community, global currency or anything like that. While I will not be surprised if it happens eventually, I don't see it as a realistic possibility until all nations come to a near balance economically as separate societies first. (I just had to get that out of the way...)

My uneasiness with nationalism has gradually surfaced more and more as I've grown up. As mentioned several times over the course of this blog's existence, being of mixed cultural heritage has always made it difficult to have a sense of loyalty to solely one place/nation/cultural group. Now that I am living abroad in an incredibly diverse city, I come face to face with the influence of nationalism around every corner.

Introductory conversations here tend to begin by asking, "What's your background?" In other words, what is your ethnic background and nationality? I cannot help but notice how often I have been placed under certain assumptions because of the fact that I am Indian, Filipino, and American. Suddenly, I am expected to know all of this Asian history I was never taught and live up to all the stereotypes of being American.

What makes me feel most disconcerted is when people bring up negative aspects of the United States, mostly in relation to its political actions. The struggle begins somewhere inside because I wonder if I am supposed to defend the U.S. since it is where I was born and raised. I don't know how to feel about the fact that I have no inclination to defend it. What am I supposed to say? Do I say they are wrong when I know they are not? I cannot pretend like I have this deep inset conviction that the United States is the greatest nation on earth. Please, do not mistake me for being anti-American or some sort of extremist. I simply don't feel that way about any nation on earth nor do I believe I ever will (perhaps the quote in my blog heading relates to this).

What I am trying to say is that, I think that has always been our problem. We pick teams and make assumptions based on the flag we bear instead of knowing each other as individuals. I don't want to be looked at and identified as a certain kind of person because of deep rooted life circumstances I had absolutely no role in determining! I did not choose to be Indian and Filipino nor did I choose to be born in the United States of America! All of these aspects are things I am extremely grateful for, but they are not a part of me because I have chosen them. I think being mixed and being raised in a family that embraces people from every nation has opened my mind to simply embrace people with all types of cultural backgrounds because they are people and that fact comes before the place they come from.

Ultimately, I want to be known for the good character I am constantly seeking to establish in the strength of Jesus Christ. I want to be known for love and faithfulness; for patience and service toward others. I want to be known for walking in wisdom and being a good steward of what life has placed in my care. That is the same way I see and seek to know others by.

Cold, Hard Heart.

3rd [“Official”] Blog Post in AU. August 2, 2011

This is sort of meant to be a counterbalance to my last post (“The Wellspring of Life”).

Before diving into this post’s content, please prepare yourself to do some deep down heart analysis. Get your journal, get a Bible, and get alone.

Ask yourself the following:
Do you keep yourself and keep people at a distance?
Do you keep up a good front but struggle to be real?
Are you able to show your emotions?
Do you feel like you always have to keep it together?
Are you known to be “the strong one”?
Do you find it difficult to ask for help?
Do you resist change?
Do you find it easy to minister to others yet struggle to be ministered to?
Do you tend to wish other people could keep it all together like you can?
Do you look down on others who express emotions because it seems immature or weak?
Do you have difficulty receiving love or intimacy?

Many times, these things can be subconscious. They are symptoms of having a ‘heart of stone.’

“Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.”
-Ezekiel 36:26 (NASB)

Over the course of this past week I have been listening to the ‘Heart of Stone’ sermon from Emanate pastors, Alyn and AJ Jones. As the week led into the weekend I kept praying about, obviously my own heart condition, but also whether to blog about this particular subject. Various conversations and another relevant sermon confirmed and complemented my rumination.

I think it is safe to say we all have areas in our lives where we don’t want to let people or emotions in. In Alyn and AJ’s podcast, AJ gave examples from her own life. I especially related to her when she would use the term “bracing for impact.” There were times when God would bless her with something amazing - a new car only $300 above cost because the car dealer was a Christian and knew her full-time ministry salary couldn’t afford the average sales cost. However, she would not get excited. She would tell herself, “Don’t get excited. If you don’t get excited, you won’t be let down if it falls through.” That is even how she handled her engagement to Alyn! Since she had previously been married and her first husband walked out on her, she began managing her heart in such a way that she wouldn’t allow the excitement and joy to overcome her for fear that Alyn might leave her too. For non-married folks, I think that can be the same in dating relationships or in the period of considering whether to date someone. One has to figure out whether they trust the other person, but also if they can get past fear or other anxieties that now exist as a result of experiencing the failure of previous relationships and the mess of all its complexities when that relationship fell apart. In that time of waiting and wondering, it can almost be an instinctive response to brace for impact because of being unsure whether that person mutually cares for you or how s/he would respond to your affection. We put our faith in disappointment rather that Christ.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”
-Proverbs 13:12 (NIV)

When we brace for impact we rob ourselves of the joy in those circumstances! We don’t live freely in giving God glory for His provision, we don’t bask in the glory of experiencing something good that we have waited on and has now come to fruition. Bracing for impact robs us from living in the good things about what is right now. We have begun looking too far ahead or comparing to what was rather than appreciating what is present.

In the same way, I find that most Christians live sheepishly in their areas of gifting. I fight through it daily! We think we are being so humble by denying it when someone points out our GOD GIVEN strengths!

“But, “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.” [Jer. 9:24] For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends.”
-2 Corinthians 10:17-18 (NIV)

There is a difference between improper pride and recognizing what the Lord has given you. When we live with false humility, we suppress our God given gifts from bearing fruit that should be springing forth to glorify the Lord in the expansion of His kingdom and/or the strengthening of His people.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
-John 10:10

God didn’t design us with such vast individual qualities and capabilities so that we could blend in with everybody else or just get by in a mediocre workplace or livelihood. We were meant to bring Him glory and part of bringing Him glory is living in the fullness of all He has for us. We have to recognize God’s authentic character and all we were made for; that He backs us up with power and strength when we live in fellowship and obedience with Him.

In the same way we can keep people at arm’s length, we tend to keep the Lord at a distance. In my own experience I have found that the way I handle human relationships and circumstances tend to be a direct reflection of the way I am in relationship with God. When I push away from either parties, it is usually to guard myself from being vulnerable in whatever shape or form vulnerability takes in that context. I don’t like to ask for or accept help/generosity very often (heart of stone symptom!) because it can be difficult to believe that people just want to help or give without any strings attached or expectation of being paid back in some form or another. I don’t want to be seen as greedy or needy or inconsiderate of the other person’s time, energy, or resources. When I don’t allow God to be my help, it is often because I don’t trust him to deliver (even though He will never, ever betray His character) and usually feel incredibly unworthy of His abundant grace and unconditional love.

How many lies have been surfaced here?! How many pretenses do we live in about ourselves, each other and about God? It is so healthy to take time out of our schedules for the sake of understanding why we are the way we are instead of just accepting our tendencies as natural.

Look back on your life and ask God to reveal any situation that may have been the catalyst for building walls up around your heart. It could even be something that happened in early childhood or even infancy. You might be surprised at some of the random circumstances that can be brought to light: things you may never even think about can surface as being the root cause. Forgive whoever played a role in hurting or disappointing you. Let go of what happened; it has passed.

Ultimately, when that is said and done, we must break down the walls and press in to what is ahead for us. Allowing God to replace a heart of stone with a heart of flesh is risky. You have to be willing to stay vulnerable and risk being hurt or disappointed again. However, I find the uncertainty is worth it. Why? Besides the fact that it will make you a healthier individual internally and relationally, living without walls allows the Lord to work in your life beyond the limitations that were once set inside a stony heart. Living with a heart of flesh allows God to be Himself- to do exceedingly and abundantly beyond all we ask or imagine.

A Joy Rant.

Dear world,

I just want you to know how happy I am today! It's actually amusing to notice how happy I have been literally every single day. Even though each day has not necessarily been easy or free from stress I have been bubbling over with joy. I remember over a week ago there was one day in particular that began with tears and ended as one of the best days I've had here.

It is hard to explain this happiness. I think the best description is the biblical term, "the joy of the Lord." It is this deeply rooted internal satisfaction that is just straight up awesome. I'm so gracious for all this joy as I'm still so new to this place. I can't even get over it! Ha! Oh if only I could articulate all of this well enough for you to feel it too.

I'm about to start studying on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. Yet, I'm squirming in my seat, tickled by joy.

Random: I'm currently listening to Mae's The Everglow album. So good. Old, but doesn't get old too quick.

Okay. Done with this silly little rant. Time to focus. Augh, the part of my brain that is used to school feels so rusty & it hasn't even been that long. Goooottttta focus....

The Wellspring of Life.

2nd blog post from AU. July 25, 2011

Guarding Our Hearts.

Why is it important to guard our hearts? With all the new relationships I am building and all the old relationships I try to maintain, I cannot help but think about how much people have to do with my life and its purpose. Relationships matter more to me than a lot of things, but with all of these relationships come a lot of complexities. New or old, I find that every relationship requires a level of discernment, sensitivity and wisdom. Vulnerability is one of the scariest but most refreshing necessities to relationships. We are essentially carrying the hearts of others. We allow others to carry our hearts.

I am by no means a professional at handling relationships. Much of why I am writing this, as with other posts, is for the sake of processing how to think about various things.

Tonight I asked myself the question, “Why is it so important to guard my heart?” Scripture obviously states that we should guard our hearts for it is the wellspring of life. But what does that mean to me? What does that look like for unique individuals that we each are? Where is the balance between guarding our hearts and letting people in? How do people even go through the process of falling in love and getting married? Although falling in love is a seemingly common practice or concept, I find myself constantly marveling at it. Is it simply by choosing to press through fears? How much of it is faith and how much is confident understanding and trust? When do we know it’s okay to give people more of our hearts? When is it wisest to hold back and not let them in?

Last Sunday, the guest pastor told us the story of meeting his wife and the journey to their marriage. She, a Chinese Malaysian with an American accent, and he, a pure-blooded Englishman. A combination of cultures I have never heard of in my life! And yet they work. After she had finished her studies or work in the UK, she went off to live in Africa for an entire year without him. He actually flew to her to propose! That just blows my mind. The love, commitment, and trust extended between the two of them. They trusted and loved each other so much that the distance and difference of cultural influences was something they simply learned to work through.

I am just so in awe of that story. Probably because I find it encouraging for someone like me who is multi-cultured by default. I’m never really sure whether people feel they can relate or if relating in that respect is even relevant. I think purpose, and being able to partner in that purpose, trumps cultural identity. So in the end, relationships require a lot of prayer and an equal amount of discernment. Once it is established there are three C’s: Christ, Communication and Commitment. I find that relevant to any type of close-knit relationship, not solely marriages.

The heart is the wellspring of life. It is not just something to be given away nor should it be kept to ourselves. It is the storehouse for our deepest desires, ambitions, and vision. The heart carries the depths of our uniqueness; therein lies our purpose. Perhaps that is why it is so precious to guard. We can easily lose sight of all our heart carries when we hurriedly give it away...

I Think I'll Move to Australia.

First blog post from Australia.

Where do I begin? So much has taken place over the last month, let alone the last two and a half weeks! Have I really been here for eighteen days already? As the Australians exclaim, “crikey!” It feels like I have been down under for forever and for no time at all simultaneously. I am stalling for thoughts as I ramble in type.

Sensory overload: I have had it frequently since my arrival. There is so much about Sydney to take in. First, it was adjusting to people driving on the left side of the road. Then it was the crisp, cool, wintery air after leaving America’s summer temperatures. Next I found myself dealing with waves of culture shock and nostalgia as the sound of American pop music would play in shops around the city.

However, of all there is to take in, the mass amounts of culture groups filling the streets is undoubtedly the greatest cause for sensory overload. All this time I have felt like I am so cultured. Now, I am seeing how much there is still to know about the world and the people residing in every corner of it. In my short time here, I have met people from across the nations: Italy, Japan, Colombia, Philippines, Sri Lanka, India, Denmark, China, Sudan, Spain, Germany, Slovakia, Czech Republic and it continues on. Of the 50,000 student population at this university, 11,000 of us are international students and 130 countries are represented within that portion. How incredible. I wish I could sit down with every international student and hear their story; where they come from, what their home is like, why they came, what they want to do with their lives. People I would have otherwise never crossed paths with are now gradually leaving footprints in my life story and I in theirs.

In some ways I feel a little more capable of relating to the people who find their way onto this continent. Many of them have their own unique ethnic or cultural mixtures that are unique to their own lives. I connect in the general area of being the child of immigrant parents. In other ways, I feel entirely incapable of relating or that I am sometimes too ignorant and clueless so I am not sure how to be culturally sensitive. To my knowledge, I haven’t insulted anyone by crossing any cultural boundaries yet. Hopefully I can keep it that way!

Overall, it has been one very large learning experience as well as a lot of re-learning. Learning how to communicate. Re-learning how phone companies and internet work. Re-learning how to be a tenant. Learning a foreign education system. Maybe eventually I will learn how to drive on the other side of the road!

Through it all, God has been faithful. He has been beyond faithful: omnipresent. I depend on Him more than I can on anything or anybody else. That is the way it should always be. Perhaps that is why- through the mass amounts of rain, stress, confusion, and homesickness- a smile has covered my face each and every day. The joy of the Lord is my constant source of strength. My ever present Help in time of need. My Best Friend and Savior. The Hope I hold on to every morning. The Prince of Peace who gives me rest each night. He will be exalted among the nations.

What's Wrong With Extraordinary.

Blue lights rippled through the dark concrete space. Somewhere there was noise. Though utterly surrounded by hundreds of people, I felt solitary in my thoughts.

"Don't ever settle for an ordinary life- never ever, ever. Always reach for the extraordinary."
That was my notion. This inclination is not remarkable to my daily philosophy, but on that particular day my thought process followed the movement of all the activity around me.

I took in the sight before me: the lifeline of two of my friends. A gathering together of their families and closest friends all on one night to celebrate the love this couple has for each other. A wedding.

This wedding in particular displayed the affection between a local-to-her-core bride and her kind-hearted high school sweetheart. She was born here, raised here, went to college here, got married here, and has now settled down in the exact same place.

A lovely story and a happy life. Lots of people live this way contentedly. If I have to put it plainly, it is not quite my style. I naturally categorize this story line in the "ordinary" section of my brain.

As I observed this jovial occasion, I thought back on the years of our friendship. The quality of our relationship began disintegrating once I graduated high school halfway through senior year and then moved out of state for college. "Anywhere but here," was my mindset when choosing where to study. Most of my classmates would go to one of the many state universities or local colleges. I was determined to be different.

Why do I always have to be different?
What is so wrong with ordinary that I couldn't stand it for one more minute?

I saw old friends from our high school days and noticed how they stayed close and grew through life's transitions together, for better or for worse. This bride in particular has always had a distinct loyalty toward her friends and family.

Though I know I have grown in many ways as a result of "being different," there are other ways in which I lack maturity due to my search for the extraordinary. Unlike my newly wed friends, loyalty and commitment are not exactly my strong suit. I constantly trade in friendship for adventure and consistency for insecurity. Life is in part about going into the world while the other part is about living in communion with one another. It is not about being untouchable, distant or calloused.

Sigh. Exposing weakness is much easier when I don't have your eyes to look into.

Now, at last, I understand the past year. God pressed pause on my independent ambitions to remind me that there really are people who care and want to stay in touch with me. Friendships I had once written off are reignited. The false pretenses I had been living under had to be removed before new chapters could be written into our lives.

Living life with the same people for long periods of time is a pretty ordinary thing to do... but it is the extraordinary kind of ordinary.

A Life Altering Question.

"The greatest thing in the world a person should discover is not something to do but someone to be. True leadership is discovering who we are supposed to be. Leadership is becoming oneself for the benefit of others.

Who are you?"

(Dr. Myles Munroe)

Homosexuality.

I just finished reading Christopher Yuan's Out of a Far Country. This book is a direct testimony of Christopher Yuan and his mother, Angela Yuan's journey. Christopher lived a homosexual lifestyle starting from the age of 16 years old into his mid-twenties. It is a powerful read for anyone in this day and age, but most specifically for homosexual individuals as well as parents who may not know how to respond to their child living in that particular lifestyle.

I know this is always such a controversial subject, but that is why I recommend this book. It comes from someone who has lived through it all.


---

Lord, give me eyes to see and ears to hear. I plead discipline over my life so that I may not be disqualified after I have preached to others.

In Jesus Name,
Amen

Friends.

One of the many important things the Lord has impressed on me lately is about friendships.

There are a great many things I fail at every day: keeping up the cleaning, working out consistently, eating the right foods, reading, singing, etc.

I'm beginning to realize that if I keep neglecting my friendships and family, I have failed in one of the most significant of all aspects of life. Everything listed above is no where near the worth of people. It is so painful to reap the consequences of my lack of action over the years, but God knows what we need. I am just praying He teaches me to be more disciplined in this area of life.

Lord, remind us that people only come second to You. That is an extremely significant priority; help us remember each others' worth.

In Jesus' Name,
Amen.

Aspiration.

"Consider what happens when all of us begin to look at our professions and areas of expertise not merely as means to an income or to career paths in our own context but as platforms for proclaiming the gospel in contexts around the world. Consider what happens when the church is not only sending traditional missionaries around the world but also businessmen and businesswomen, teachers and students, doctors and politicians, engineers and technicians who are living out the gospel in contexts where a traditional missionary could never go."
-David Platt

I FINALLY finished reading Radical... and the above paragraph was my favorite part from the last chapter of the book. This year has really helped me solidify more than ever that I am called to be a missionary, but in an unconventional way. I tried to go into ministry by way of attempting to train at a variety of ministry schools. I found the results to be much like what happens when you put positive sides of two magnets together.

A while back I once mentioned to a friend that whatever I end up doing I would want to be able to speak the name of Jesus Christ within that context. His first response was, "Why?"

To be honest, this question somewhat jarred me. In my harmonious ways, I tend to not speak my mind about something without the initial assumption that the person I am talking with will agree with me (I am trying to grow out of this). Obviously, that wasn't the case and I was much less prepared to give him a quality response.

At least a year and a half later that question has still been tumbling around in my head. Now, more than ever, that question has become deeply relevant. I have yet to reach a solid conclusion.

On one hand, my auto-response is: well, He is LORD! I cannot be restrained from proclaiming the reality of Sovereign God. I will not be censored from speaking the Truth!

Or is it just because it is easier and more comforting to have that direct acceptance of my faith?

Recently, I found myself seeing another perspective. I had previously posted a blog about a message by Lynette Lewis. This woman is a role model I feel so connected to because her calling is this weird hybrid of reaching the secular corporate world and the Christian world simultaneously. She brought up a prayer she once prayed before holding a workshop for Tyco Industries. In it, she reminded the Lord that He has called her to a secular workplace and she was not allowed to speak the name of God or quote scriptures in her workshop the way she freely could at church engagements. So instead she prayed that the Holy Spirit would speak beyond her limitation; move and breathe new life into the people she was training that day.

Whatever conclusion I end up with, I should never put God in a box. Even with music I struggle. As I have seen numerous Christian colleagues from undergrad go into the music industry and write songs that are not aimed to the Christian industry, it causes me to rock back and forth like a ship on deep waters. What is the overflow of my heart? Shouldn't that be what pours into my songs? Is it wrong to write songs only about human love? Is it ridiculous to always only sing about God's Love? Do these questions even matter to God? How does He want us to use our gifts?

I hope this has spurred on a lot of thoughts in your mind. Please share them with me. I welcome some help in resolving this!

Brokenhearted&Corrected.

Last night, I did not blog... on purpose.

Throughout the day yesterday I could sense the Holy Spirit tugging at my heart to spend some time devoted to the Lord. In my fleshly nature, I ignored it and kept staring at whatever screen I was staring at at the time. By the time I finished running, showering, and eating dinner it was already past nine o'clock.

I have to blog! I thought.

And then it struck me- I have been so adamant about blogging daily. Posting something- anything- was required before I close my eyes for the night. How have I so successfully made that a requirement and not prayer? Why isn't it my daily goal to spend time in the presence of God?

Here is what I meditated on last night:

"...But God's word is not chained. Therefore I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they too may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory.

Here is a trustworthy saying:
If we died with him,
we will also live with him;
if we endure,
we will also reign with him.
If we disown him,
he will also disown us;
if we are faithless,
he will remain faithful,
for he cannot disown himself."
-2 Timothy 2:9b-13

I love how Paul writes about being obedient for the wealthy/elect. Being burdened for the wealthy is something I have carried long before God broke my heart for the poor. It always seemed wrong, though, since the church always talks about the poor and needy. It's nice to have Paul's affirmation. With what we have, we could do so much. I would love to inspire capitalism to be of greater use for all... for the sake of the gospel and in a way that doesn't make the rich man poor, but also doesn't keep the poor man impoverished.

Does that sound too ideal? Perhaps. But if I can study in college how others have already done it than it is obviously attainable.

As I tell you the other way the Lord burdened me, I have to confess something: my heart has been calloused. All these years surrounded by Christian hipsters has made me pretty insensitive to the needs of Africa. I know that sounds silly, but my entire college career was surrounded by everyone and their moms who went to Africa or are going to aid Africa in some way shape or form. Even my internship was with a non-profit who supports local leaders in Uganda and Kenya to help end extreme poverty. (The internship/organization was/is great, for the record!)

Frankly, I got tired of it! My thoughts have been: what about the rest of the world? There are so many other nations with corruption, war, poverty, trafficking, starvation, water problems, AIDS, genocide, and the like! How come Africa gets all the attention?

I know Africa is the poorest continent in the world and that is probably why everyone jumped on the bandwagon. This is just me explaining my hardness toward hipsters and decades of commercials on television with the sad, sad music and somber voice asking you to give them your money. Anyway...

I listened to a radio show this morning that interviewed Kimberly Smith. She is the author of Passport Through Darkness. (FB users)



Kimberly told her story about starting Make Way Partners with her husband, Milton. Hearing about her journeys in Sudan, her marriage and personal struggle, and her heart for these children pierced through the callous in mine. This blog post describes many Sudanese children, the struggles of local orphanages, and the normalcy of child sex trafficking. Do be sure to read its entirety here.

Father, keep our hearts tender toward the things that make You cry. See if there is any offensive way in us, reveal it to us, and correct us, Lord. You are the Lord, our Great Teacher.
In Jesus' name,
amen.

On Guard.

I love her straight forward speaking style:




Father, thank you for the reminder that we must guard our hearts. Help us to be mindful of how to please you with our hearts through the daily grind of life. In Jesus' name, amen.

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Identity.

There is so much I could probably write about identity. Instead, I am posting Amber Brooks' "Heavenly Places." It says everything I could hope to communicate better than I would articulate. If I was only allowed to listen to or sing one song for the rest of my life, this would probably be it- it is my constant prayer and perfect reminder of who God is and who I am to Him.

Soak.

Move.

"Too long have we been waiting for another to begin! The time for waiting is past!... Should such men as we fear? Before the whole world, aye, before the sleepy, lukewarm, faithless namby-pamby Christian world, we will dare to trust our God... and we will do it with His joy unspeakable singing aloud in our hearts. We will a thousand times sooner die trusting only in our God than live trusting in man. And when we come to this position the battle is already won, and the end of the glorious campaign in sight. We will have the real Holiness of God, not the sickly stuff of talk and dainty words and pretty thoughts; we will have a Masculine Holiness, one of daring faith and works for Jesus Christ."
-C.T. Studd (1860-1931)

Spirit Doctrine.

"Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching. Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you.
Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearer.
-1 Timothy 4:13-16

These verses have been really strengthening to chew on today. It sets my perspective on the right things. More than anything I am excited! I am excited to read this passage and then examine my life and the words prophesied over me and see how I am living out some of those prophecies or heading toward the fulfillment of others.

I know not everyone practices prophecy/spiritual gifts/the movement of the Holy Spirit in the Christian church today. If you're reading this and you are one who doesn't practice those things, can I ask why? Why leave out one-third of the Holy Trinity? Why leave out the gift Jesus left behind as he went to the cross and resurrected?

I know I don't have the largest fan base for this blog, but for the few that do read this: I want to challenge you to explore where the Holy Spirit is discussed in scripture and what the Spirit's purpose is. Ha, this is a challenge I should be issuing to myself! So I will. After all, the quoted passage above warns us to watch our doctrine closely....

Let's.

Random.

I just have a few random thoughts/questions for today:

1) Little girls should not be getting pedicures. That's all I have to say about that... (for now). Rant on the subject of beauty may come at a later date.

2) Why is it so easy to hate on people?

3) Why does it require so much courage to love them?

4) It is so easy to enjoy watching sitcoms of pretend people living out pretend lives rather than enjoying the treasure it is to do life with other real people.

5) Since when did material wealth = God's favor?

6) I hate it when people build walls to keep me out. Literally.
Just playin', that's figurative.

7) My biggest strengths are also my greatest weaknesses.

8) Why is it so hard to maintain same gender friendships?

9) Musicians: do you do music for you or for others? I can't seem to shake being selfish about it... (which is probably why I am so bad at it)

10) I am amazed at how comfortably we consume things like twinkies, soda pop, and the like without caring about the fact that there is no nutritional value in them whatsoever.


This concludes random thought time. Feel free to attempt answering any of these thoughts or questions if you so desire. 'Til next time!

Twitter&Rain.

I should google why the human brain seems to slow down when the temperature is really hot. That is what I have been battling all day. Much like life, the weather lately does not seem to know how to segue into a new season. One day it's snowing, the next day it pours down rain, and the next it's 80˚F!

Not that I'm complaining or anything... (though I kind of was just now). I have been waiting for this weather for the last several months. I only wish there was time for 70˚ weather to showcase itself for the sake of our bodies to adjust.

Okay, sorry. I am totally boring cyber space with my rant about the weather. It is hard to think of much else today. So I will find a way to tie the weather, and a couple tweets, into this blog. Here goes:

Earlier today, I saw a friend's tweet which said, "maybe we were meant to exist in the rain."
I can just look at the way nature has been these last few weeks and prove that such a concept does not make sense!
Sure, there are seasons of rain, but we do not remain there.
What is the purpose of rain?

This time last week or two weeks ago, every single day was full of rain pouring down from the sky.
From Sunday to Saturday, every day was gloomy and cold.
Then what happened?
The new week came. Suddenly, the sun was shining. Almost as suddenly as the sun came out, every flower and tree bud blossomed and caused the neighborhood to light up with color.

The rain-however cold, wet and endless it seems at times- is necessary for growth. Rain is essential to a flower's purpose.
In the same way, facing a season of confusion or complication may seem endless, but it is not meant to harm you; nor is it a season that remains. It wouldn't be called a season if change never took place.

The way I see it is like this: rain feeds a plant. During "rainy seasons" in my life, I cannot help but seek the Lord for counsel and strength. He feeds me with wisdom, knowledge, and confidence to remain in Him. I soak in the rain for nourishment, though clouds, thunder and lightning surround. When the storming stops and the sun shines through the clouds, I am found ready. There is no difficulty in expanding from a bud to a blossom because everything I needed for this new season was already poured into me during the season prior.

He is always preparing you for more. He is always strengthening you for another season. Don't stand still in this one thinking no other season will come. Cherish the rain. Seek out the purpose for the rain.

It is pretty astounding how the Lord takes care of the earth! But Beloved, He takes care of us even more.

I figured another friend's tweet for the end might be appropriate as well:

"God wouldn't let something come your way unless He trusted you enough to take victory over it. #Heisforyou"

He will never give you something the two of you cannot handle together. There is always a purpose to rain, it is not the end of your story.



(FB Users)

Fighting Pride.

"Never in my life did I imagine that one day I would be washing windows," my friend expressed from the other room.

As my newly manicured hands sponged and squeegeed the unending french panes in the upstairs hallway, I considered this statement for a second and could not agree more. There I stood, a college graduate, cleaning windows in an affluent middle class neighborhood much like the one I was raised in.

It felt good at first- working with my hands instead of staring at a screen. There is something about physical labor that is so much more gratifying than any other form of work.

As the sun took its journey down to the west, the feeling of accomplishment quickly transformed into exhaustion. Struggling to remain patient with a slower worker and the never ending amount of work to be done became the battle inside my mind. I had just come to a balance in my attitude when the home owner arrived. "The screens on the front of the house were put back inside out. The way they are supposed to go on is really obvious."

That was it.

Balance: tipped.
New attitude: angry and offended.

Excuse me? I thought. The excuses overflowed in my brain with offense. That he would speak to me like that when I did not have the responsibility of re-placing the screens- the sluggard did. How dare he talk down to me like that? Like I am less than him. As if I come from somewhere lesser when I actually come from a city with higher nationwide rankings and prestige!

We are not that different, he and I ... and that is probably what made it even harder to serve him. I took a step back from these thoughts full of offense with the reality: pride is quickly revealed in moments of service.

I wanted to wave my wealth at him and my credentials. I wanted so badly for him to see who I am; where I come from. My true identity...

Is that what I hold on to as my identity? How sad that I still cling to such things when I know the Truth.

"But it is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant;

and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be slave of all.

"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many."

It doesn't matter whether we are "equals" in anything. If I am not a servant, I have no greatness. If I cannot put him first, I will not be first.

Pride makes such a good shield for my heart until I realize it is a destructive tool made by the opposing forces. Sigh. So much to learn. So much re-learning to do.