Tuesday, June 12, 2007

My Love is Conditional, So I'm Trying to Get Rid of it.




Between the time I left Sarah's and pulling into the Red Robin parking lot to pick up dinner for my family, I settled upon that annoying concept. I know I've come across it before, but I stumble upon it now and again and I find it quite aggravating.

So what does it take to have my love?
Well, I have to like you first of all. Haha, that's about as far as I'll go because there are so many intricate things to why I like or don't like certain people that it would take forever to analyze that and I am just not up for that task right now!

But isn't that horrible? My love should not be given under the condition of whether I like you or not! That's not real love to begin with! It's so hard to draw the line with people because, as the most amazing C.S. Lewis puts it, "to love is to be vulnerable," and most times I'd like to be much more cautious with my heart since not everyone cares to truly love back.

But then there's that call to love.
And I am a "slave to righteousness." (Rom. 6:18)

Wow. It's all connecting now! Over the course of the past few weeks I really felt like God had been using this song to speak to my heart in the midst of a battle between bitterness and enduring love:

"Don't Give Up" ~Sanctus Real

I heard you say you would love for a lifetime
Now you complain a lifetime just doesn’t feel right for you
Another casualty of casual love
Another soul out of place, a heart that gave up

Why do we break the promises we make?
Are we living for ourselves?

Don’t give up on love and throw it all away
Don’t give up on love and let it fall away
When did it become so easy to run from your pain?
Don’t give up on love and throw it all away

I heard you say you can’t change a stubborn heart
I can relate ‘cause that’s how I feel when I talk with you

Why should it take losing everything
To realize it might be time to change?

Don’t give up on love and throw it all away
Don’t give up on love and let it fall away
When did it become so easy to run from your pain?
Don’t give up on love and throw it all away

Your restless heart won’t win ‘cause you take but you don’t give
And you’ll keep moving on until you learn what love is


-------<3-------

That's what I do! I run, I find ways to win for myself and it usually entails bitterness or hard feelings. I hold grudges toward people I simply get a wrong impression from. I'm stereotypical. I keep moving on before learning and knowing what love is. And I do this with every type of relationship in my life.

That can't happen anymore. This doesn't mean I'm going to stay in touch with every person I've ever met, but I need to work at keeping the relationships that were once close still close. And try working to make the broken ones whole regardless of the past.

That's what God's teaching me.
He's saying to me:

Don't give up on Love, Sarah. I am Love.
((1 John 4:8))

1 comment:

Amaryah said...

Thanks. I needed that too. :)