Sunday, April 27, 2008

{.Restorative Justice.}~|FRECKLES|

These past few days have been absolutely amazing!! Aside from the weather getting better, life has just been awesome amidst the stress of ending another school year.



But anyway, I went to the graduation ceremony for my friend's sociology class called Restorative Justice. This class is made up of about 10 university students and about 10 men who are in the transition stage between serving time and going on parole.

It was life changing.

The warmth in that room was stunning! I could not wipe the smile off my face from the time I walked into the classroom until we got our licenses back that night.

I've never experienced such beauty in a jail...it is so difficult to put into words.

The joy on each man's face as he greeted his family and friends.
Tears that were shed as a heart of repentance verbally expressed his transformation.
Hugs and cheers.
To see a guilty man go free because his debt is now paid, is that not the vision God had intended for us as a community of people?

They are capable of repentance.
They are capable of reform.
They were made to be forgiven.
To have a second chance at life.

I was completely taken aback when I found out what some of these men were convicted of.
Surely that man did not commit murder!
The glimmer of joy in his eyes and wide smile on his face suggested the opposite of his life.

Oh how things change when a man is given the opportunity to hope, be embraced regardless of his past; to know that he has a second chance and it is a chance to succeed.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{.Beauty.}

I wondered if I could trade my body with somebody else in magazines
With the whole world full at my feet
I phantom worthy and would blame my failures on the ugliness I could see
When the mirror looked at me
Sometimes I feel like the little girl who doesn’t belong in her own world
But I'm getting better
And I'm reminding myself

...Why waste a second not loving who you are?
Those little imperfections make you beautiful, lovable, valuable,
They show your personality inside your heart
Reflecting who you are

(bedingfield)

This song has been such an encouragement to me tonight.
This is probably the 20th time I'm listening to it. :)
It's not that I am the least bit lonely.
I just don't feel good enough.
I am that girl that is always put on hold just in case the prettier, funnier one doesn't work out.

The further I get into college and get stuck dealing with the constant pressure to find someone the more unappealing it becomes...
guys seem more like flakes,
expecting me to give them attention without pursuing me,
or when I do my part to generate a friendship they don't do their part or freak out!
It's like everyone is struck with paranoia:
when all I want are genuine friendships before any sort of romance, I get struck with the f-word.
"blah blah blah, friend."

In the way that comes off like they are so paranoid that I want more from them that very second.

Does it seem like I am contradicting myself?
I am just SO SICK of thinking about a possible relationship or about where this or that could be leading to.
I just want to be me-
to be loved for being the weird, nerdy, NOT funny, happy, people-loving person that I am confident God is molding me to be.

I am exhausted from feeling like I have to be someone else to be accepted.
The guy[s?] I feel the most real with could care less about really loving me.
Why am I never good enough?
Will I ever be?

I know I am enough in Christ.
He is more than enough for me.
But in my relationships, romantic or not,
I am just never enough.
This world holds a different standard to me
and I don't match up.
Nothing in this world ever feels like enough for me either.

This is an ongoing cycle of dissatisfaction.
Relationships that have nothing to do with romance and high maintenance are usually the most effective ones I have ever experienced.

Those little imperfections make you beautiful, lovable, valuable...reflecting who you are.

Maybe someday someone will say that to me.
Regardless, I will one day rest in the midst of heavenly treasures stored up in my lifetime.
Whether human appreciation comes my way or not.

1 comment:

a girl named heather said...

what an incredible post sarah!
so many thoughts. beautiful thoughts.

with the first portion - we are all guilty. just some acts in this world put us in a physical prison and others, a mental prison. we all have that second chance. how beautiful!


"Why am I never good enough?
Will I ever be?" you said.

never think this! trust me, the feeling you get when you're completely yourself with someone is unreal. and people tend to be atrracted to that real self over and over again. i've seen it in you and i know it to be true.

i love you so much. wonderful thoughts!