Thursday, February 14, 2008

I Can't Keep Waiting to Live[!]

I just can't do homework right now. Though I've been pushing myself from the moment I woke up entertaining the idea of skipping my 8am class, I managed to convince myself to move. Class is important. Do what it takes to keep an A. But I've had the urge to write a blog since yesterday evening.


My spirit is starving right now.
Alright now, no breakdowns in the Beaman are allowed. :)

Lord, with You, there's nothing I cannot do.
My hands, my feet, my everything.
My life, my love: Lord use me.
I wanna set the world on fire.

There isn't one specific thing to pinpoint the ache in my heart's a bunch of things linked to one another.

But there are some song lyrics that seem to encompass my heart as a whole right now:
"I found when I said yes that I'd never be the same.
Though the call is hard, You are worth it all."

Big sacrifices call for big changes.
I gave Him a big part of my heart.
Now I can't go back.
I know I don't want to, but it's hard to stay consistent in this surrender.

Fill us up and send us out, Lord.
We must go!
Live to feed the hungry,
stand beside the broken,
we must go.
Stepping forward,
keep us from just singing.
Move us into action-
we MUST go.

I must go...

College is getting harder and I don't just mean it's more academically challenging.
Sometimes I just want to burst from waiting on everything all the time-
from trying to fulfill the demands of a standard that doesn't even last for eternity.
Adrenaline has been crashing inside me like waves in a tumble.
When will the word 'adventure' finally be the label on my life?

There is so much to be praying about, but time stops for no one.
Trying to be type A sucks for someone who's so type B.
Or maybe this is a change I'm supposed to undergo.
If only classes really could be given up for lent.

Red letter day, I'm in a blue mood. Wishing that blue would just carry me away...But surely something has got to, got to, got to give cuz I can't keep waiting to live!

I have got to get out of this apathy.
It's hard when college is designed to be so specific to each individual.
Everyone's here to specialize in what they are good at, to go out and do something for their future.
Where does the balance come between self and others?
All these challenges seem to recur constantly.
I'll probably be dealing with the same stupid sin and struggles for the rest of my life.

But this I know with all my heart, His wounds have paid my ransom.

That is all I rest in.

1 comment:

a girl named heather said...

i'm happy that we are going to be with each other on saturday night!!

this post is your emotions spewed out into your fingers. i love how free you are in your writing, sarah.

cliche: you learn the most because of the wait. "the weight of the wait."

i'm the same way... i feel like i'm waiting for my life to begin, but then i remember that every single minute is an addition to my life, and then there's this insatiable resolve to not waste a minute of it.

we should write a book. you game? i'm game. i think it could be inspirational.