Monday, May 12, 2008

A Woman-When Loved Well-Blossoms.

It's only for the weak
For the faint of heart
Those driven to their knees
Those who live with scars
There's power from beyond
We're certain where it's from
And that's our source of strength
Before we follow Christ
We need to be advised
It's only for the weak

Wow, Sophomore year has come to an end. This year has been a 180 degree change from the year before! Everything that wasn't good enough, all my worries, scars, shame, insecurities: gone. I can't even begin to tell in detail about the areas of weakness in my life that Christ has filled.

It is truly a miracle.

But two weeks before the school year started I was fearful of going back. I wasn't sure I was ready to face the things I left behind-afraid that I had lost friends, my "status" (as if that matters!), my security. Fact of the matter is, if I were able to see into the future, I would have been running & jumping with anticipation for this year to hurry up and start!

Best year ever? Perhaps. :)

By human standards, I probably didn't live up to the definition of the "best year ever". I almost failed Integrated Accounting, a 6 hour credit course that sunk my GPA into the dirt, and had a breakdown out of frustration because I had no clue whether my major was really something I should continue studying. Frat parties and formals that I was once invited to slowly drifted from my immediate friendships. I backed out of a sorority full of amazing girls who enthusiastically gave me a bid. Stomach flu hit me for the first time in my life. I discovered I wouldn't be able to see my wonderful family for more than one period of 3 weeks within 2008. And by spring time, couples have come out in full bloom and so are engagement rings.

So let go, 'cause there's beauty in the breakdown.

It really was a beautiful thing. :)
Amidst these imperfections of my life story, I have learned what it means to really learn. Though my GPA is important, it doesn't define me or my ability to succeed. God has led me to step out in faith to pursue a degree in Social Entrepreneurship and I have never been so fired up to take on different courses even though it costs me some time in summer school.
I have been so lovingly reminded that my "status" of importance and worth isn't in joining a greek organization or mingling with frat boys, but it is in the people I pour life into wherever I am. The unsettling feeling in my heart when I initially took the bid from Alpha Sigma Tau was such a sign that there were other relationships and events I needed to spend my time on, like volunteering at Nashville CARES and growing so much closer to Rachel & Aslan.
Even though sickness comes, there is healing. Mine came within a day-it was a humbling 24 hours in which I discovered 3 friends who still loved me in that state. Though distance separates me from family, my love for them has overtaken my heart as a result. The blessing of a mentorship and a big, warm embrace from her family has also been a great comfort to rest in.
As far as singleness goes, I have thoroughly embraced it. I LOVE my life and the honest satisfaction there is in living everyday with Christ by my side. In "ooh-ing" and "ahh-ing" diamond adorned hands, listening to proposal stories, and saying "Congratulations," I am by no means envious or disappointed by my own state. To be single is a luxury that many forego or blindly rush through.

And I've found myself in You...

Because He loves me...and because I let Him love me, my life has grown in full bloom-He has loved me well. :)

What a triumphant year!


lauren said...

Ah, I love the freedom you have found! You're right, by many standards, your year wasn't all that wonderful. But in reality it was fantastic! And it's good to see you so happy :)

Dr. Ernie said...

Triumphant indeed! "Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength." I know He shall grant you the desires of your heart, as you wait on Him.
Blessings, your cousin Ernie.

a girl named heather said...

p.s. i love that you quoted that song. it's a good one. :) i watched the holiday last night.

a girl named heather said...

sarah i love your new layout :) :) :)