To Be a Lover of Music.

(This is from Monday 1/28, it just never posted...)




Sitting in the curb cafe as I type this, my ears are gulping down with eagerness the sounds of my friend Brandon's acoustic guitar and crisp, clear voice blending through the air. I can hardly type. Everything in me wants to stop and sit in midst of such beautiful sound.

But I just had a conversation with a friend about such music and felt like I should write while my wheels are turning. Okay, wait, I am going to stop til this song is over...

So I was talking to a friend about how just recently our passion for music, our drive to play or sing music has come back after being dormant for a couple years. And... well, here goes:

To be a lover, a true lover of music is to feel sound through your veins. To know the beauty of every note's intricacy. To be a lover is to be moved physically, internally, mentally, until nothing else invades you except the sound of chord progressions, harmonies, crescendos and decrescendos.

As I'm displaying these thoughts my friends right next to me are clapping, jumping up and down and shouting in response to Robert Kelly singing a song in Swahili on stage.

Oh how this makes me smile. :)

There have been a few incidences where my friend and I felt like maybe we should do something else with our lives...but deep down, we know we could never leave it.

That passion can be covered up by some things, but it fights its way out again the minute those strings are strummed or that voice rings out.

Because when you love music, the sound doesn't just go through your ears. It penetrates even your finger tips and flows through sugar in your bloodstream.

Lover of music, don't grow unfaithful.

Addiction?!

I never thought I would fall this hard.
It was something I always sought after, but now...
...now it's real.

It's like, even though my desire has been to fall into complete surrender, I never grasped what it must be like.

And suddenly, I feel like I'm there.
I've hit this new place of surrender in my life and it's...WOW!
So this is what it feels like when a heart is set ablaze.

I'm not trying to sound all cocky and super-Christian-ish.
But, seriously guys, let's cut the crap.

THERE IS NOTHING ELSE WORTH BOASTING ABOUT EXCEPT THAT WHICH CHRIST HAS FIXED IN US!

I feel out of my mind right now! Even reading what I'm writing is just strange.

This is a very strange addiction, but I like it. :)

---Bait---

The kind of bait you put out determines the type of fish you catch.

It's easy to want attention.
As a woman, it is even easier to find ways of gaining that attention.

But what is it worth in the end?
That gain is neither lasting nor fulfilling.

No guy is going to look at a girl's body and think "Man, I would love to learn about her character and interests."

It breaks my heart to see women throw away their desire to be a lady because they need security in a male now. He pursues her, he wins, no matter his integrity. If she even waits to let him pursue her.

My desire is for a partner. A team.
An outlook that respects, honors, and complements the other's strengths and weaknesses.
Our heart is for the Lord and His kingdom.
We wouldn't be in it just to get what we want from each other.

I know that is God's hope for all of us too.
It's not like these convictions were my idea!

But if I am to boast in anything, let me boast about the beauty my Lord has painted in my life.
His gentle, colorful brush strokes have covered every bit of tarnish and rust.
My Love has filled the holes of brokenness with satisfaction and joy.
I am no longer scrap metal.
Of that, I am certain.

The Basics.

Man it's been hard to think straight lately! I feel like my social skills are on the decline because I'm standing between two worlds right now. Even though I've been at school for almost a week now, I still feel like my half intraverted self is in home mode when instead I want to be all perked and ready to receive conversation with people as I go through my activities and classes each day.

So much has been poured into my mind this week. I'll try my best to think through each one equally, tho some things that have come to mind are older than others.

I'm back to the basics of why I'm living and it feels good yet almost too simple for my female mind to just accept.
I spent so much time last semester wondering what to do, where to go from here, potential major changes, minors, grad schools, study abroad, internships...oye.

Woah, that's an overload.

On the last day of the University Ministries retreat, God led me to Matthew 28:19-20: The Great Commission.

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you to the very end of the age."

God just spoke a reminder of my gifts and passions and that when all of it is combined my niche is in ministry. As much as I love that, it's hard to be okay with it. The practical mind I've been brought up wants to fight it or find creative ways of being "successful" and completely given over to God's work at the same time.

Can't I just surrender?
Yes. We all can.

This is what He said to me:
Sarah, don't forget why you live. I have called you to be mine. Not so that you and I can be the only ones to love each other, but so you can share my love with others and bring them into my arms.
Don't keep it in, share my heart for the world with the world.

He reminded me to trust Him. To make trust a verb.