Tuesday, July 20, 2010


Upon returning to my parents' house for "post-graduation transition time," I've been cleaning up my bedroom & came across an old narrative from high school composition class. This narrative is about 5 years old, but it is absolutely crazy to read back and see certain consistencies regarding my purpose. If you've somewhat kept up with my blogs, you'll see what I mean.

It's pretty funny to notice my juvenility in this, but I suppose I can accept it. lol

Here goes:


It was a perfect night in March. School was manageable, life was social; everything seemed pretty relaxed after a grueling school year and I was soaking up a fun night.

I had just arrived to a bonfire after spending the evening at a luau when I saw Ben peering hard through the darkness. I hardly recognized him at first, but after he waved I went to meet him. I had previously invited him to come after the luau finished up and was slightly surprised that he actually came (he really didn't know many people).

The night was cold, yet everyone's spirit of happiness kept each other warm. A few of us marched down the dark path of the forest in search of nothing in particular except to enjoy each others' company. The ground began to crunch under our feet as we stepped upon the glowing white gravel. But, our journey fell apart fast and we headed back up to join everyone else at the fire. Our group quickly scattered leaving Ben and I at a quiet spot in the outskirts of the bonfire.

The simpler conversations from that night have long drifted from my memory. We asked each other many random questions, but there was only one that dug itself deep into my mind... it might have even seeped down to my heart.

"What's your biggest dream?" Ben asked me as he gazed up at the radiating clouds in the moonlight.

Unprepared to answer this question, my mouth stammered a few "uhs" and "ums" as my brain ran through the files to find my folder full of dreams. I hastily chose the dream in my mind that I had had almost my whole life.

"I want to be a Christian recording artist like Darlene Zscech because she's so real about her faith and doesn't change who she is for the media." I asked him the same question and soon after came the response that rekindled an old flame deep within my heart of hearts.

"I want to build a church in Colorado and have a summer camp there. I'm not really into the whole media thing so there wouldn't be TVs or anything. We'd live there with other couples and just live life more simply."

His usage of "we" rapidly jumped out to my attention. My mind started churning up questions to ask him for more clarity since "we" were simply friends, but I quickly shoved them away -- there were more important things on my mind.

As the rest of the night rolled on, the crisp, cold air began to pierce my coat. And yet the thoughts went reeling through my brain; relentlessly pressing on towards a resolved conclusion. There's no other dialogue I remember from that night except saying good-bye to everyone as we left for home.

Heading straight to my room, I plunged into my dresser drawers pulling out clothes and plopping them on my bed. Immediately after, I pulled open my closet and yanked the light bulb to life. The feeling in my heart was unbelievable! It was like my heart had sprouted wings and began to flutter through the air expressing its freedom from an anchor of selfishness. Finally, it hit me. My heart was at last convicted of this addiction I had been stuck on for so long.

I began disbursing my clothes, easily pulling out the items I knew I didn't need. The thought of someone in great need wearing these unnecessary clothes of mine overrode thoughts of selfishness battling inside my conscience. I was finally, honestly ready to try and live a simpler life.

After dumping my extra clothes into a laundry basket, I shut the door and bounced into my bed. I pulled out a sheet of paper and began doodling out the words in a bold title,
"What's your biggest dream?"

Unsorted questions and feelings zoomed through my head like cars speeding through the highway. My prayers spat out of my mouth for clarity and wisdom; when the last word came, my insides began to take in a deep breath.

The words streamed out of my pen as my paper came in contact with the ink. The wonderment in my mind was answered by the words on my paper. I dug deep into my heart, trying to figure out my heart's desire and what had changed since I had put material possessions in front of the things my Designer created me to treasure. I came to realize that having a recording contract isn't what I long for.

I don't need lights and I don't need fame.

I want to help people change for Good. I need to see the love of Christ enter others' hearts and soak into their lives as it has in mine. It's like I had been spending over fifteen hours a week at church investing in peoples' lives without even recognizing that I feed off of seeing the effects. Not my effects, of course, but of the One who uses my life for others. The one word to sum it all up finally smacked into the windshield of my brain.


"THAT'S IT!" My heart was screaming at my brain by this point and it finally seemed to get the message. That's it. All I want to do is see the glimmer in someone's eyes after continuously searching for something stable in their life. A job that doesn't seem too rewarding in annual salaries, but reaps so much more than man could ever sow.

How glorious it was to discover my purpose and know what to strive for in my life. This experience has turned all my natural thoughts around one hundred and eighty degrees. All in one night; because of one question:

"What is your biggest dream?"


Hahaa :) So there it is. Stay tuned for part 2... a present day response?