Sweet Surrender.

Treasure Hunt.

2012-01-25T00:13:00.000-06:00

15th Official Blog Post in AU. 25 January 2012

This past weekend was filled with the sound of wedding bells! Perhaps you are the bearer of this good news or maybe you are on the receiving–and squealing with excitement– end like me. Regardless, I think we can all tell that it is that time of year again.

Despite the fact that my current circumstances do not quite suggest that the “m-word” is in sight, I am just so excited! I’m excited just to be a woman!

Yeah, that sounds weird.

Let me explain why...

It is not for the reasons you think– I am not thinking about the awesome dress, the decorations, the attention, or the venue... Here is what has been on my mind:

“The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD.”

-Proverbs 18:22 (NLT)

Basically, I think that is just the coolest thing ever! If you know me at all, you know I like to look at the parallel versions and Greek or Hebrew translations just to see if I understand the meaning correctly.

Good news: this verse says what it means and means what it says!

In God’s eyes, not only do I get the pleasure and the benefits of a partnership– I get to be the catalyst for favor to come from Yahweh and into a man’s life! Plus, we will be one anyway so favor that comes to him means favor is coming to me, too.

Ladies, doesn’t that make you feel so valuable? Ha! By taking up a partnership, a man would be so blessed in ways he does not even realize yet! What could a godly man want more than favor from the Lord?!

I promise I am not trying to sound as vain as a peacock. I just think we should boast in what the Lord has given each of us just a little (or a lot) more and maybe try to rummage through the overgrowth of fears and past experiences which seem to hide away the treasures that exist inside relationships.

Women: be encouraged. You are a treasure and a blessing. Bring him good, not harm, all the days of your life.

Men: find a “keeper,” in God’s perfect season for you. She’ll be more worthwhile than you know. If you already found one, ask God to let you see all the ways He has favored you because of your marriage.

Heavenly Father,

May we walk in Your way. Give us eyes to see relationships the way You see them. I pray that this generation of marriages be set apart and rebuild any brokenness of marriages before us. May we take wisdom from those that have lived in partnership according to Your Word. Let Your Holy Spirit lead us all– married and singles alike– to be a light unto this world; a city on a hill. Teach us to be holy; set apart for this world to see that You are truly the difference in our lives.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.

Looking Back.

2012-01-15T18:11:00.003-06:00

14th Official Blog Post in AU. 6 January 2012

I moved into a new apartment! Let’s just say the amount of stuff I have is ridiculous. Amidst, the crazed and tired atmosphere, something strange happened and it has been burned in my memory ever since.

I left a piece of toast in the panini/sandwich maker.

God only knows how long it’s been in there.

First of all, I realize that that is absolutely disgusting. I am trying my best not to be embarrassed about sharing such a gross fact with all of cyberspace.

All day the image of this formerly toasted, stale bread kept coming around...

That piece of toast is such proof of how distracted I have been this past season–

S p a c e y, overly adaptable, unusually withdrawn socially, non-committal...

not quite myself.

But there is a changing of seasons and I am in transition. I like it!

Change always seems to help prevent complacency.

Here’s to the new year:

A year of awakening.

A year of fruitfulness.

A year of productivity and diligence.

This year I will live genuinely according to who He has made me to be.

And discover the things I never knew I was capable of.

This year, I will not hold back from God.

He desires to make my life flourish.

He makes me influential.

I will be all that He dreams for me.

I will create, build, and distribute what He has anointed my hands to do.

This year, I refuse to accept self-destructive habits, thoughts, or attitudes.

I refuse to be so distracted that I leave toast in the sandwich maker.

I will be successful because He makes me capable.

Father,

Teach us to be more focused, faithful, and free to live out the confidence You are calling us to walk in this year. Keep us from wasting this precious time. You have a plan for us in each day. You take the things we dream of and make them grand. I want to live in every moment of developing those dreams to the scale that You are capable of. I know this development only comes in faithfulness to today; in attention to the little things. “Refiner’s fire, my heart’s one desire.”

Let it be. All that You have spoken, let it be.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.

Heart Cry.

2011-12-28T21:30:00.000-06:00

13th Official Blog Post in AU. 29 December 2011

Heavenly Father,

I so desire to be the kind of woman that is set apart from this world. The more I strive to be an incredible woman, the more I see my shortcomings. I can do no good thing apart from You, Lord.

What will it take to be beautiful; to radiate beauty in my attitude and everyday life? I need a change of heart, God. Destroy my self-seeking state of being. Take my pride and tear it to shreds. All I need is You.

I don’t know how to satisfy these longings apart from Your presence, Father. I don’t know how to grow and feel free to be my true self without believing You when You said, “this is who I’ve created you to be.”

I have to be confident in the way you have designed me instead of looking to the right and left and suddenly thinking I should look and act more like this girl or that I will only be attractive if I live up to men’s supposed expectations.

All that You are and all You have done should be enough for me to want to worship you with my lifestyle. My body is a temple– let me worship You by treating it with the best of foods, drinks, and activities. My gifts and talents are given to me for a purpose– let me steward them well instead of suppressing them in fear. My relationships were given to me so that I might proclaim Your Truth into the world– may I proclaim Your glory with grace, boldness and overflowing joy.

You love me with an everlasting love.

Tell me who I am again, God.

Tell me of all You have purposed for me to be.

Fill my heart and mind with visions of the house I am to build.

Keep me from foolishly tearing it down with my own hands.

Teach me to dream again and be free again...

I want to love You with an everlasting love.

Messiah, my Love, Great God, Holy One; The Most Faithful of All.

I just want to be the best of what You’ve made me to be.

In Jesus’ Precious Name,

Amen

Seed.

2011-12-23T11:19:00.000-06:00

12th Official Blog Post in AU. 22 December 2011

Joseph, Mary, and Jesus.

We’ve been hearing a lot about them lately haven’t we?

Despite the fact that Australia’s atmosphere hardly carries the allure of Christmas spirit, I have been inspired by Pastor Jim Laffoon’s recent Twitter series and have gone back to scriptures about the birth of Jesus.

I have to admit that I haven’t even made it past Matthew 1 and Luke 1.

Though that may imply disinterest, I honestly cannot make it past those two particular chapters because of how much of an eye-opening affect it’s had on my life!

I definitely want to encourage you to read them for yourselves and determine how it speaks specifically to your life as well.

Both of these chapters generally show us how Joseph, Mary, Elizabeth and Zacharias lived in faith and obedient action in response to what God had spoken into their lives. For the first time in these stories, I have begun noticing the fact that by believing what God had spoken to them, their choices defied their logic as well as the cultural expectations of the people around them.

What a sobering thought: there will be times–probably more than we expect– when we are faced with the need to discern who our loyalty belongs to. Do you know what God is leading you into? Will you walk in it or are you too concerned about the expectations of society, your culture, or the people around you? Though we are called to honor our parents, we are not worthy of God if we love them more than we love Him. If we are too afraid to take that one step into agreement as Zacharias did, we may never have our voice restored. Scripture shows how human we can be– Zacharias asked the angel, “how will I know this for certain?” His doubts resulted in consequence (Luke 1:18, 20) Though Joseph was well-intentioned when he thought to send Mary away during her seemingly questionable pregnancy, it was actually in favor of God’s plan that he stay by her side. Even in the times we receive direct words from the Lord, it is so easy to take it and start dissecting it with logic, isn’t it? We rationalize it through, but have to reel our thoughts back into place if we want to remain obedient and in faith.

Luke chapter 1 is just LOADED with so much miraculous, faith-filled content!

Zacharias petitioned for and was granted a son from a previously barren wife.

She who was called barren is now in her sixth month.

For nothing will be impossible with God.

And Mary said, “Behold, the bondslave of the Lord...”

And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what had been spoken to her by the Lord.

God, grace us with the diligence to cling to these promises! Nothing is impossible with You! We are blessed in our persistence of petitions and unwavering faith when we receive a word from You. First and foremost, may we live as bondservants– enslaved to righteousness by choice because we know that the reward and benefits of serving our Master far exceeds any life we could create for ourselves outside of Your Kingdom. I’d rather be a doorkeeper for You, than live according to my own desires. Nothing is too hard for You. According to our faith, let it be.

In Jesus’ Mighty Name,

Amen... (So be it.)

Love is Reasonable.

2011-12-01T23:01:00.000-06:00

11th Official Blog Post in AU. 1 December 2011

I read this blog post of my dear friend Mckenzie just after writing Isolation. and it really confirmed some thoughts from earlier that day. I just love witnessing the marriage she and David have. What seems to set them apart, aside from their obvious love for the Lord Jesus, is their attitude.

Any girl can write a blog about her life.

Any girl can talk about marriage.

But Mckenzie’s outlook on her life and marriage is what makes all the difference!

So many people in my general age group seem to get choked up with fear at the thought of marriage, loving someone fully, and allowing someone else to love them without feeling indebted or under conditions. Understandably so considering the divorce rate and dysfunctions of today’s modern family. At the same time, I think our relationships would be much healthier if we would stop allowing fear to rule over us and the decisions we make within our relationships!

We either:

Run away from relationships because they include challenges. Nobody wants struggles when we constantly hear Hollywood preach that everything should happen easily and flawlessly; life is lived happily ever after... Roll credits. That’s a wrap.
Run away because we are too comfortable with ourselves and fear the unpredictability of a relationship. Can you trust this person with your heart? How can you be sure? Do you really want to invest the time and energy this relationship would require? Especially when you have had your heart broken before. It is so easy to revert back to what experience has led us to believe. It can seem even easier to live for ourselves only.

As my last post encouraged: we need each other!

Also, life is done better together. Why? Partnership and community were God’s ideas!

Be reasonable about picking your partner.

S/he may not be a super model or celebrity, s/he may not have perfectly airbrushed features, but can s/he do life with you on days you feel like less than a champion? Is s/he the kind of person who will love you when you are not squeaky clean? Will this person empower you to walk victoriously into all the the desires you know God has purposed for your life and see you through to its entirety? Do they carry the same conviction of commitment that you hold? Most divorces are a result of poor communication– how do you two communicate?

I know that last paragraph sounds so noble, structured and optimistic, but you come to know those things about people in the seemingly mundane details of every day life. While marriage will be an adventure, it may not be the kind of epic you envision it to be.

In the midst of what seems like a situation that counters the American Dream, Mckenzie says,

“I love loving David. It blesses my heart, it gives me so much joy. It makes life so beautiful in the midst of the trials and tribulations that come our way... They have given us new eyes for one another, and I couldn’t be more thankful. I know this is going to be a time we’re going to look back on and remember as such a blessing. Though my heart definitely aches for the time we’re out of this valley!”

Through and through, her post gives me so much joy. Though they could easily turn on each other out of fear and stress, they cling to God’s promises and, as a result, are tightly bound to one another and filled with the joy of the Lord for strength.

Wow! Finishing up the passage in Ecclesiastes fits like a puzzle piece– how appropriate (and entirely unplanned):

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered,

two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

(Ecc. 4:11-12)

Make God that center strand and He will give you the strength to maintain a simply joyful attitude in the midst of struggles. In His love, you are able to love another with more depth and longevity than you think you are capable of.

Here’s to a reasonable kind of love. In a world of hype, instant gratification, an “all about me” attitude and short attention spans– may we love unconditionally and faithfully to no end like He first loved us.

NOTE: For the record to any speculation out there (aka my friends or family), NO I am not ready to get married; this attitude is based on season not on emotions or fear. I am a content single–thankyouverymuch– who would be equally content with a “one-step-at-a-time” level of progress. This is NOT an advertisement! Only a clarification. :)

Isolation.

2011-11-30T04:12:00.001-06:00

10th official blogpost in AU. 30 November 2011

How do you make the word, ‘isolation’ sound less... cold? The first alternative word I can think of is ‘alone.’ Do you like to be alone? How do you respond to being isolated from others or things?

I should be an expert on this subject by now– the last eighteen months of my life have consisted of the most alone time I think I have ever had. At first I nearly lost my mind. Now, I find I can appreciate solitude a bit more since this city is full of at least a couple million people hustling and bustling through every single second. I am easily content to do things or simply be by myself for probably much too long compared to the average person.

But is it good to be isolated?

The fastest yet insufficient answer would be no, it is not good. However, I think being alone can be good and is necessary at times.

Jesus would go away from his disciples to be alone with God. The Bible speaks of seeking God and practicing certain things like fasting without publicizing it to your community. What God sees is what matters and God sees every action, motive and thought. It is good to find contentment in being alone when you know you need it to fellowship with God. To give all you extroverts some assurance, being “alone” with God is not actually being alone anyway! He is with you!

On the other hand, there is the part where God says, “it is not good for man to be alone.” In this context, scripture is pointing to relationship.

So what are the things you do by yourself? Why do you do them alone?

If you are choosing not to spend time with and invest in people out of fear, insecurity, or past pain incurred through other relationships, it is time to take that before the Lord and also find someone like a pastor or a godly mentor type of leader who you can talk with. There is something in your heart that has distanced you from letting someone or many others into your life.

It is not good for man to be alone.

Why?

The place most impenetrable to people is where the constant battle for your life is waged– your mind. It is imperative that, as Christ followers, we are constantly releasing thoughts into prayers and discussions to ensure that no temptation floats around inside our minds long enough to grow into sin. Have you ever noticed those times you can be upset about something and then once you say it out loud you realize how small and insignificant it is? All that time it was rolling around in your mind made the issue seemed massive! Surrounding yourself with people you can trust and who maintain a godly perspective can make all the difference. You can help them, they can help you and everyone has a lower risk of falling into sin.

I find the Body of Christ is often plagued with fear of sharing with each other. It is scary, I know! You have to be vulnerable! You have to lay out your innermost being and hope that human beings around you will give back God’s love and grace in return. Though that does not always happen between people (unfortunately), do not give up. Ask God for the people you need to be surrounded by and determine for yourself to rise above the behavior of those who have hurt you. Forgive them. Keeping our mouths shut and cutting off fellowship with others would only satisfy the enemy’s desire to cut off circulation in the Body.

Last, but never least, God said, “it is not good for man to be alone,” just before he took a rib from Adam and created Eve, his helper.

A partnership... why is it better to have a partner? Having to work so closely in relationship with someone else can seem like an addition to your life that would complicate matters further. I cannot think of a better way of describing it outside of Ecclesiastes:

Two are better than one,

because they have a good return for their

work:

if one falls down,

his friend can help him up.

But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

(Ecc. 4:9-10)

God has given each of us unique strengths and talents. We also each have weaknesses. Once we recognize that we can contribute and share strengths and gifts to each others’ callings and purposes, the workload eases up. It is no longer your burden to bear. The load is lighter because others are running with you and sharing your load.

Let them share it.

Abstemious Perspective.

2011-11-01T18:16:00.003-05:00

9th Official Blog Post in AU. 2 November 2011

We are so good at singing and praying such extreme prayers– I am desperate for you, God. I give you everything– my whole life. I need you more than the AIR I BREATHE!

I do realize how significant these prayers are; my intent is not to mock them. But if you are anything like me, it is easy to sing these songs and overlook the average, yet specific prayers that address our everyday lives. Try it with me:

Jesus,

I need You more than chocolate,

more than caffeine,

more than comfort food.

Father, I need You more than the stuff in my closet.

I need You more than my iPhone.

I need You more than internet.

Lord...

I need You more than my friends. You are Lord.

I need You more than my brother and sister.

God, I need You more than my parents.

You are LORD.

I need You more than coffee dates and nights out on the town.

I need You more than the comfort of my warm, cozy bed.

Father, I need You more than Facebook.

I need to speak to You more than Twitter.

I need You more than Skype.

Holy Spirit, I need your voice more than YouTube, podcasts, movies, and great musicians.

Sovereign King...

I need You more than a boyfriend.

I need You more than a fiancé and a diamond ring.

I need You, God, more than I need a husband– even if he will be the most incredible partner I can have on earth.

You are LORD.

I need You more than this degree.

I need You more than a career.

I need You more than money, God.

I need you more than I want a family.

Dearest Jesus, I want to be moved by You more than I am persuaded to make my life unfold according to social norms. My schedule should be shaped around spending time with You and going where You lead instead of letting everything else define the meaning of productivity and accomplishment.

Whom do I worship, oh Lord? Who defines my life?

How dare I call you Lord– Master– if my life does not reflect such submission before You.

“Do not be quick with your mouth,

do not be hasty in your heart

to utter anything before God.

God is in heaven

and you are on earth,

so let your words be few.”

-Ecclesiastes 5:2

Mistaking Seasons.

2011-10-17T01:51:00.000-05:00

8th Official Blog Post in AU. 17 October 2011.

Moments ago, I was sitting outside. It is a slightly cloudy, spring day here in the southern hemisphere and I had planted myself on a low brick wall near a small fountain. Moments of warm sun came through as the clouds passed by overhead. Brief gusts of wind combed its cold fingers through my hair.

At one moment, I looked down to kick something away from my feet. There at my heels were a small bunch of dried up leaves.

Fall! I moaned in my thoughts, It is supposed to be fall right now, not spring time... look, there are even dried leaves on the ground. Where are the pumpkin spice lattes? What about all the leaves changing color and dying...?

Sarah, I felt the Holy Spirit say, you have repositioned your life before Me. Why are you expecting old patterns to remain the same? You have misunderstood: I have not called you to come and die or be be buried away. Indeed, your season is spring! Flourish, my dear. I have called you here to expand and bloom.

In the confusion of a new season, sometimes it would be nice to burrow deep into soft, warm, darkness underground. However, it is not fall, but spring. The rain keeps falling, sun is shining, and the wind is blowing. The surrounding elements are coaxing me to strengthen my roots, push out from the dirt, expand these leaves and finally bloom.

“There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven...He has made everything appropriate in its time... I know that everything God does will remain forever; there is nothing to add to it and there is nothing to take from it, for God has so worked that men should fear Him.”

–Ecclesiastes 3:1,11,14 (NASB)

Confessions of an International Student.

2011-10-06T20:26:00.000-05:00

7th Official Blog Post in AU. 6 October 2011

At the start of the semester I recall hearing someone talk about how international students tend to have a lot of emotional ups and downs during their time at university. Honestly, I did not really believe them. Call me naïve, proud, stubborn, or all of the above, but I have been determined to be as strong and steady as possible... or, at the very least, maintain the appearance of it.

It is amazing how many challenges arise once a person has determined to be strong.

Blogosphere, it is about time I come clean and confess that I am not as strong as I try to be. Truth be told, I am that student who goes through the ups and downs when (hopefully) nobody is looking. My loved ones have never felt so far away as they have in the last few days; especially now that I am face-to-face with the final stretch of the semester. The few friends here that I have felt some sense of camaraderie with will be going back to the familiarity of their homelands while I remain here, try to stay focused, and figure out what in the world God wants me to do with this life I have been given- at least in regard to my near future.

“What do I do here in the waiting?

What do I do with my unsatisfied heart?”

(Laura Hackett)

I feel really vulnerable to be posting on this subject, but if you have kept up with my blogs at all, you know my aim is not to be popular, but quite transparent. I just need a space to write with the hope that you can relate and/or be inspired by these posts.

Sigh... loneliness.

What do you do with loneliness? How do you cope?

I feel caught in this corner because, even though I long for my community at home or for a more established one here, I have this deep conviction that I cannot go back to where I came from and I cannot stay here. My only good option is to keep moving forward and press on to the end of this degree so I can experience whatever this mysterious future is that I will be living in this time next year. That does not mean I have no interest in the people here, I definitely want and need to grow deeper with some people around me at present. It is simply getting past the subconscious understanding that your presence amongst each other is temporary.

“The past is so tangible, I know it by heart.

Familiar things are never easy to discard.

I was dying for some freedom but now I hesitate to go.

I am caught between the promise and the things I know...

the future feels so hard and I want to go back,

but the places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I’ve learned...”

(Sara Groves)

Through it all, there is only one presence that remains constant from before I was born to the end of my life and onward. All I know to do in my loneliness is cry out to God because He has always been my Constant Sustainer and the One to satisfy every area of lack in each season. In the end, I come out of these struggles with thanksgiving because nothing else creates opportunity to exercise living by faith quite like painful circumstances.

I have never felt so clueless and disconnected before. So many days pass by where I feel like I am in over my head; like I am inadequate and have no sense of belonging in this place. Sometimes it feels like I have only brought a part of myself to this city while the rest of my spirit and personality remains at home with my friends and family.

Yet God is with me and He has gone ahead of me so there is no reason to fear or worry as I set my gaze on Him. He is the Author and Perfecter of my faith- He knows exactly how to write my days for the sake of deepening my trust in His great character. If this is how I have to learn to trust Him more, then let it be. I am determined to see crisis as opportunity leading to the best things. My life is in the hands of the God who loves me even more than I could ever even love myself, so I will let Him have His way in me. Trying to control it all is too exhausting anyway! Let it be, dear Lord, let it be... Your plan is not to harm me, but to give me a hope and a future. You make all things work out for the good of those who love you and are called according to Your purpose. I am more than a conqueror through You, the One who loves me; this I know full well. You did not even spare Your own Son, but instead gave Him up for my sake and the sake of all people so how will you not also, along with Christ, graciously give us all things? Nothing can separate us from Your deep, abundant, everlasting love. I am in the most capable hands.

I started writing this post feeling empty; now I am filled again. Thank You, Lord...

Hephzibah.*

2011-09-17T23:14:00.002-05:00

6th Official Blog Post in AU. 17 September 2011

I wrote this letter to a girl I met last night. We met on the train because she had too much to drink and really needed some water. I just happened to be the person in the train car with a bottle of water to spare. As transit concluded, I realized how much I wish I could have said or done, but I hope the little I had done and said was enough for God to use in their lives...

My dear girl,

I wish I could have embraced you and told you, “there is more to life than this, I promise.” I want you to know just how beautiful you really are- you don’t need the sexy dress, the sparkly shoes, or braided hair to achieve it. You are precious as you are- a diamond shining through the dirt of what people think you should be.

Sweety, please don’t waste your life listening to your friends when they say, “suck it up; drink some more.” That life will only leave you empty; it will void out your sense of meaning or purpose. Please, please hold tight tonight. Be smart; smarter than the voices around you and often times even wiser than your own voice of compromise. You are not alone in this. Step out and be different- don't be afraid.

I wish I thought quickly enough to say, “Jesus loves you,” or invite you and your friend to church with me tomorrow. My greatest hope is that you and your friend don’t look at me like I am just a good person. As flattering as it was for your friend to say that people should be more like me, the truth is that people really shouldn’t be more like me, but more like Jesus- the one I weakly aspire to imitate. I am praying you see past me and see Him instead.

Honey, you are so dearly loved... so very, dearly loved. Please, I pray you spend the rest of your life getting to know True Love. My heart longs for you to live a full, satisfying life of hope and promise with the God who keeps all His promises and fills you to overflowing.

I love you because Christ first loved us...

Sarah

*Hephzibah means "My delight is in her." (I believe this name is a reflection of what the Lord wants to call this girl who remains nameless to me.)

Aren't YOU Lovely?!

2011-08-30T04:14:00.003-05:00

5th Official Blog Post in AU. 30 August 2011

"Embracing Hope."
That is the title of the blog I have been trying to write for over a week now, but I just can't connect all of my thoughts well enough to communicate that subject in its entirety just yet. However, within the last few days, I have felt inclined to bring up another subject for all you lovely ladies out there (and any men who are curious to listen in on girl talk!)...

...

Ladies,

Do you know you are beautiful?
I mean, do you really truly know that and believe it?

What makes you feel beautiful?
Is it your outfit? Maybe your hairstyle? Did you have time to exercise or put on make-up this morning? Do you feel beautiful because your significant other or best friend told you so?

I just want you to know that none of those things are what make you beautiful.

You were made uniquely; with a capacity to love so deeply and more faithfully than what you probably allow yourself to practice at present. You have so much talent inside of you just waiting to be made manifest on the earth. Your ability to nurture and serve people around you really does go a long way. Don't get discouraged if you don't see the results of being generous. You are more influential than you know. You don't have to be a CEO, supermodel, or the perfect mom to achieve greatness. Your beauty flourishes as you grow more and more comfortable with your true, honest-to-goodness, self.

Take a second while you're getting ready in front of the mirror to look yourself straight in the eyes and say, "You are stronger than you think. You are more beautiful than you realize."

I know the whole talking in the mirror thing seems really tacky. I am kind of embarassed to admit that I have done this a few times recently. However, I'm willing to admit it because I am honestly shocked at the impact it has on my thought life every single time!

You are stronger than you think.
You are more beautiful than you realize.

“Like a lily among the thorns,
So is my darling among the maidens.”
~Song of Solomon 2:2
(That's what God says about YOU!)

I can't resist closing with a couple pick-me-up songs...

&

Nationalism.

2011-08-15T05:29:00.002-05:00

Fourth Official Blog Post in AU. 15 August 2011

I must warn you that in this present moment I feel like writing about this subject may be a bit premature. Perhaps this will be the preliminary post before I publish a more thoroughly thought through version in the coming week or so. My creative inclination to write is bubbling over today which is why I have decided to proceed on the subject matter anyways. Here goes...

Every day I study and discuss nation states and the issues each one contains: war, genocide, human rights abuse, child soldiers, the concept of government approved torture, poverty, hunger, AIDS, malaria, water conditions, land ownership, colonialism, racism, religious divide; the list seems endless.

We also analyse how to resolve these problems. What are human rights? How do we solve the issue of poverty? How do we understand the psychology of human beings and their use of aggression versus choosing a more peaceful approach? Is war the best method to deal with conflicts between nations? Are the institutions we have set up to preserve human rights and peace even effective? What needs to change so that the world can finally change for the better?

All of these issues and questions can be so... ridiculous at times. Today I was involved in a discussion about global currency and a global community. The professor quixotically stated that these reforms would be the resolution to the lack of equality in the world. My classmates and I were far too practical for such a suggestion. We then asked her whether that would mean the end of national borders, etc. As the conversation continued, I began to add up how much the concept of nationalism has to do with our problems.

na·tion·al·ism /ˈnæʃənlˌɪzəm, ˈnæʃnəˌlɪz-/ Show Spelled[nash-uh-nl-iz-uhm, nash-nuh-liz-]
noun
1. national spirit or aspirations.
2. devotion and loyalty to one's own nation; patriotism.
3. excessive patriotism; chauvinism.
4. the desire for national advancement or independence.
5. the policy or doctrine of asserting the interests of one's own nation, viewed as separate from the interests of other nations or the common interests of all nations.

Now I am not saying I am in support of a global community, global currency or anything like that. While I will not be surprised if it happens eventually, I don't see it as a realistic possibility until all nations come to a near balance economically as separate societies first. (I just had to get that out of the way...)

My uneasiness with nationalism has gradually surfaced more and more as I've grown up. As mentioned several times over the course of this blog's existence, being of mixed cultural heritage has always made it difficult to have a sense of loyalty to solely one place/nation/cultural group. Now that I am living abroad in an incredibly diverse city, I come face to face with the influence of nationalism around every corner.

Introductory conversations here tend to begin by asking, "What's your background?" In other words, what is your ethnic background and nationality? I cannot help but notice how often I have been placed under certain assumptions because of the fact that I am Indian, Filipino, and American. Suddenly, I am expected to know all of this Asian history I was never taught and live up to all the stereotypes of being American.

What makes me feel most disconcerted is when people bring up negative aspects of the United States, mostly in relation to its political actions. The struggle begins somewhere inside because I wonder if I am supposed to defend the U.S. since it is where I was born and raised. I don't know how to feel about the fact that I have no inclination to defend it. What am I supposed to say? Do I say they are wrong when I know they are not? I cannot pretend like I have this deep inset conviction that the United States is the greatest nation on earth. Please, do not mistake me for being anti-American or some sort of extremist. I simply don't feel that way about any nation on earth nor do I believe I ever will (perhaps the quote in my blog heading relates to this).

What I am trying to say is that, I think that has always been our problem. We pick teams and make assumptions based on the flag we bear instead of knowing each other as individuals. I don't want to be looked at and identified as a certain kind of person because of deep rooted life circumstances I had absolutely no role in determining! I did not choose to be Indian and Filipino nor did I choose to be born in the United States of America! All of these aspects are things I am extremely grateful for, but they are not a part of me because I have chosen them. I think being mixed and being raised in a family that embraces people from every nation has opened my mind to simply embrace people with all types of cultural backgrounds because they are people and that fact comes before the place they come from.

Ultimately, I want to be known for the good character I am constantly seeking to establish in the strength of Jesus Christ. I want to be known for love and faithfulness; for patience and service toward others. I want to be known for walking in wisdom and being a good steward of what life has placed in my care. That is the same way I see and seek to know others by.

Cold, Hard Heart.

2011-08-02T00:12:00.003-05:00

3rd [“Official”] Blog Post in AU. August 2, 2011

This is sort of meant to be a counterbalance to my last post (“The Wellspring of Life”).

Before diving into this post’s content, please prepare yourself to do some deep down heart analysis. Get your journal, get a Bible, and get alone.

Ask yourself the following:
Do you keep yourself and keep people at a distance?
Do you keep up a good front but struggle to be real?
Are you able to show your emotions?
Do you feel like you always have to keep it together?
Are you known to be “the strong one”?
Do you find it difficult to ask for help?
Do you resist change?
Do you find it easy to minister to others yet struggle to be ministered to?
Do you tend to wish other people could keep it all together like you can?
Do you look down on others who express emotions because it seems immature or weak?
Do you have difficulty receiving love or intimacy?

Many times, these things can be subconscious. They are symptoms of having a ‘heart of stone.’

“Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.”
-Ezekiel 36:26 (NASB)

Over the course of this past week I have been listening to the ‘Heart of Stone’ sermon from Emanate pastors, Alyn and AJ Jones. As the week led into the weekend I kept praying about, obviously my own heart condition, but also whether to blog about this particular subject. Various conversations and another relevant sermon confirmed and complemented my rumination.

I think it is safe to say we all have areas in our lives where we don’t want to let people or emotions in. In Alyn and AJ’s podcast, AJ gave examples from her own life. I especially related to her when she would use the term “bracing for impact.” There were times when God would bless her with something amazing - a new car only $300 above cost because the car dealer was a Christian and knew her full-time ministry salary couldn’t afford the average sales cost. However, she would not get excited. She would tell herself, “Don’t get excited. If you don’t get excited, you won’t be let down if it falls through.” That is even how she handled her engagement to Alyn! Since she had previously been married and her first husband walked out on her, she began managing her heart in such a way that she wouldn’t allow the excitement and joy to overcome her for fear that Alyn might leave her too. For non-married folks, I think that can be the same in dating relationships or in the period of considering whether to date someone. One has to figure out whether they trust the other person, but also if they can get past fear or other anxieties that now exist as a result of experiencing the failure of previous relationships and the mess of all its complexities when that relationship fell apart. In that time of waiting and wondering, it can almost be an instinctive response to brace for impact because of being unsure whether that person mutually cares for you or how s/he would respond to your affection. We put our faith in disappointment rather that Christ.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”
-Proverbs 13:12 (NIV)

When we brace for impact we rob ourselves of the joy in those circumstances! We don’t live freely in giving God glory for His provision, we don’t bask in the glory of experiencing something good that we have waited on and has now come to fruition. Bracing for impact robs us from living in the good things about what is right now. We have begun looking too far ahead or comparing to what was rather than appreciating what is present.

In the same way, I find that most Christians live sheepishly in their areas of gifting. I fight through it daily! We think we are being so humble by denying it when someone points out our GOD GIVEN strengths!

“But, “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.” [Jer. 9:24] For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends.”
-2 Corinthians 10:17-18 (NIV)

There is a difference between improper pride and recognizing what the Lord has given you. When we live with false humility, we suppress our God given gifts from bearing fruit that should be springing forth to glorify the Lord in the expansion of His kingdom and/or the strengthening of His people.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
-John 10:10

God didn’t design us with such vast individual qualities and capabilities so that we could blend in with everybody else or just get by in a mediocre workplace or livelihood. We were meant to bring Him glory and part of bringing Him glory is living in the fullness of all He has for us. We have to recognize God’s authentic character and all we were made for; that He backs us up with power and strength when we live in fellowship and obedience with Him.

In the same way we can keep people at arm’s length, we tend to keep the Lord at a distance. In my own experience I have found that the way I handle human relationships and circumstances tend to be a direct reflection of the way I am in relationship with God. When I push away from either parties, it is usually to guard myself from being vulnerable in whatever shape or form vulnerability takes in that context. I don’t like to ask for or accept help/generosity very often (heart of stone symptom!) because it can be difficult to believe that people just want to help or give without any strings attached or expectation of being paid back in some form or another. I don’t want to be seen as greedy or needy or inconsiderate of the other person’s time, energy, or resources. When I don’t allow God to be my help, it is often because I don’t trust him to deliver (even though He will never, ever betray His character) and usually feel incredibly unworthy of His abundant grace and unconditional love.

How many lies have been surfaced here?! How many pretenses do we live in about ourselves, each other and about God? It is so healthy to take time out of our schedules for the sake of understanding why we are the way we are instead of just accepting our tendencies as natural.

Look back on your life and ask God to reveal any situation that may have been the catalyst for building walls up around your heart. It could even be something that happened in early childhood or even infancy. You might be surprised at some of the random circumstances that can be brought to light: things you may never even think about can surface as being the root cause. Forgive whoever played a role in hurting or disappointing you. Let go of what happened; it has passed.

Ultimately, when that is said and done, we must break down the walls and press in to what is ahead for us. Allowing God to replace a heart of stone with a heart of flesh is risky. You have to be willing to stay vulnerable and risk being hurt or disappointed again. However, I find the uncertainty is worth it. Why? Besides the fact that it will make you a healthier individual internally and relationally, living without walls allows the Lord to work in your life beyond the limitations that were once set inside a stony heart. Living with a heart of flesh allows God to be Himself- to do exceedingly and abundantly beyond all we ask or imagine.

A Joy Rant.

2011-07-30T00:09:00.002-05:00

Dear world,

I just want you to know how happy I am today! It's actually amusing to notice how happy I have been literally every single day. Even though each day has not necessarily been easy or free from stress I have been bubbling over with joy. I remember over a week ago there was one day in particular that began with tears and ended as one of the best days I've had here.

It is hard to explain this happiness. I think the best description is the biblical term, "the joy of the Lord." It is this deeply rooted internal satisfaction that is just straight up awesome. I'm so gracious for all this joy as I'm still so new to this place. I can't even get over it! Ha! Oh if only I could articulate all of this well enough for you to feel it too.

I'm about to start studying on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. Yet, I'm squirming in my seat, tickled by joy.

Random: I'm currently listening to Mae's The Everglow album. So good. Old, but doesn't get old too quick.

Okay. Done with this silly little rant. Time to focus. Augh, the part of my brain that is used to school feels so rusty & it hasn't even been that long. Goooottttta focus....

The Wellspring of Life.

2011-07-28T00:35:00.000-05:00

2nd blog post from AU. July 25, 2011

Guarding Our Hearts.

Why is it important to guard our hearts? With all the new relationships I am building and all the old relationships I try to maintain, I cannot help but think about how much people have to do with my life and its purpose. Relationships matter more to me than a lot of things, but with all of these relationships come a lot of complexities. New or old, I find that every relationship requires a level of discernment, sensitivity and wisdom. Vulnerability is one of the scariest but most refreshing necessities to relationships. We are essentially carrying the hearts of others. We allow others to carry our hearts.

I am by no means a professional at handling relationships. Much of why I am writing this, as with other posts, is for the sake of processing how to think about various things.

Tonight I asked myself the question, “Why is it so important to guard my heart?” Scripture obviously states that we should guard our hearts for it is the wellspring of life. But what does that mean to me? What does that look like for unique individuals that we each are? Where is the balance between guarding our hearts and letting people in? How do people even go through the process of falling in love and getting married? Although falling in love is a seemingly common practice or concept, I find myself constantly marveling at it. Is it simply by choosing to press through fears? How much of it is faith and how much is confident understanding and trust? When do we know it’s okay to give people more of our hearts? When is it wisest to hold back and not let them in?

Last Sunday, the guest pastor told us the story of meeting his wife and the journey to their marriage. She, a Chinese Malaysian with an American accent, and he, a pure-blooded Englishman. A combination of cultures I have never heard of in my life! And yet they work. After she had finished her studies or work in the UK, she went off to live in Africa for an entire year without him. He actually flew to her to propose! That just blows my mind. The love, commitment, and trust extended between the two of them. They trusted and loved each other so much that the distance and difference of cultural influences was something they simply learned to work through.

I am just so in awe of that story. Probably because I find it encouraging for someone like me who is multi-cultured by default. I’m never really sure whether people feel they can relate or if relating in that respect is even relevant. I think purpose, and being able to partner in that purpose, trumps cultural identity. So in the end, relationships require a lot of prayer and an equal amount of discernment. Once it is established there are three C’s: Christ, Communication and Commitment. I find that relevant to any type of close-knit relationship, not solely marriages.

The heart is the wellspring of life. It is not just something to be given away nor should it be kept to ourselves. It is the storehouse for our deepest desires, ambitions, and vision. The heart carries the depths of our uniqueness; therein lies our purpose. Perhaps that is why it is so precious to guard. We can easily lose sight of all our heart carries when we hurriedly give it away...

I Think I'll Move to Australia.

2011-07-23T01:42:00.003-05:00

First blog post from Australia.

Where do I begin? So much has taken place over the last month, let alone the last two and a half weeks! Have I really been here for eighteen days already? As the Australians exclaim, “crikey!” It feels like I have been down under for forever and for no time at all simultaneously. I am stalling for thoughts as I ramble in type.

Sensory overload: I have had it frequently since my arrival. There is so much about Sydney to take in. First, it was adjusting to people driving on the left side of the road. Then it was the crisp, cool, wintery air after leaving America’s summer temperatures. Next I found myself dealing with waves of culture shock and nostalgia as the sound of American pop music would play in shops around the city.

However, of all there is to take in, the mass amounts of culture groups filling the streets is undoubtedly the greatest cause for sensory overload. All this time I have felt like I am so cultured. Now, I am seeing how much there is still to know about the world and the people residing in every corner of it. In my short time here, I have met people from across the nations: Italy, Japan, Colombia, Philippines, Sri Lanka, India, Denmark, China, Sudan, Spain, Germany, Slovakia, Czech Republic and it continues on. Of the 50,000 student population at this university, 11,000 of us are international students and 130 countries are represented within that portion. How incredible. I wish I could sit down with every international student and hear their story; where they come from, what their home is like, why they came, what they want to do with their lives. People I would have otherwise never crossed paths with are now gradually leaving footprints in my life story and I in theirs.

In some ways I feel a little more capable of relating to the people who find their way onto this continent. Many of them have their own unique ethnic or cultural mixtures that are unique to their own lives. I connect in the general area of being the child of immigrant parents. In other ways, I feel entirely incapable of relating or that I am sometimes too ignorant and clueless so I am not sure how to be culturally sensitive. To my knowledge, I haven’t insulted anyone by crossing any cultural boundaries yet. Hopefully I can keep it that way!

Overall, it has been one very large learning experience as well as a lot of re-learning. Learning how to communicate. Re-learning how phone companies and internet work. Re-learning how to be a tenant. Learning a foreign education system. Maybe eventually I will learn how to drive on the other side of the road!

Through it all, God has been faithful. He has been beyond faithful: omnipresent. I depend on Him more than I can on anything or anybody else. That is the way it should always be. Perhaps that is why- through the mass amounts of rain, stress, confusion, and homesickness- a smile has covered my face each and every day. The joy of the Lord is my constant source of strength. My ever present Help in time of need. My Best Friend and Savior. The Hope I hold on to every morning. The Prince of Peace who gives me rest each night. He will be exalted among the nations.

What's Wrong With Extraordinary.

2011-06-11T17:20:00.002-05:00

Blue lights rippled through the dark concrete space. Somewhere there was noise. Though utterly surrounded by hundreds of people, I felt solitary in my thoughts.

"Don't ever settle for an ordinary life- never ever, ever. Always reach for the extraordinary."
That was my notion. This inclination is not remarkable to my daily philosophy, but on that particular day my thought process followed the movement of all the activity around me.

I took in the sight before me: the lifeline of two of my friends. A gathering together of their families and closest friends all on one night to celebrate the love this couple has for each other. A wedding.

This wedding in particular displayed the affection between a local-to-her-core bride and her kind-hearted high school sweetheart. She was born here, raised here, went to college here, got married here, and has now settled down in the exact same place.

A lovely story and a happy life. Lots of people live this way contentedly. If I have to put it plainly, it is not quite my style. I naturally categorize this story line in the "ordinary" section of my brain.

As I observed this jovial occasion, I thought back on the years of our friendship. The quality of our relationship began disintegrating once I graduated high school halfway through senior year and then moved out of state for college. "Anywhere but here," was my mindset when choosing where to study. Most of my classmates would go to one of the many state universities or local colleges. I was determined to be different.

Why do I always have to be different?
What is so wrong with ordinary that I couldn't stand it for one more minute?

I saw old friends from our high school days and noticed how they stayed close and grew through life's transitions together, for better or for worse. This bride in particular has always had a distinct loyalty toward her friends and family.

Though I know I have grown in many ways as a result of "being different," there are other ways in which I lack maturity due to my search for the extraordinary. Unlike my newly wed friends, loyalty and commitment are not exactly my strong suit. I constantly trade in friendship for adventure and consistency for insecurity. Life is in part about going into the world while the other part is about living in communion with one another. It is not about being untouchable, distant or calloused.

Sigh. Exposing weakness is much easier when I don't have your eyes to look into.

Now, at last, I understand the past year. God pressed pause on my independent ambitions to remind me that there really are people who care and want to stay in touch with me. Friendships I had once written off are reignited. The false pretenses I had been living under had to be removed before new chapters could be written into our lives.

Living life with the same people for long periods of time is a pretty ordinary thing to do... but it is the extraordinary kind of ordinary.

A Life Altering Question.

2011-05-28T23:04:00.003-05:00

"The greatest thing in the world a person should discover is not something to do but someone to be. True leadership is discovering who we are supposed to be. Leadership is becoming oneself for the benefit of others.

Who are you?"

(Dr. Myles Munroe)

Homosexuality.

2011-05-27T20:04:00.004-05:00

I just finished reading Christopher Yuan's Out of a Far Country. This book is a direct testimony of Christopher Yuan and his mother, Angela Yuan's journey. Christopher lived a homosexual lifestyle starting from the age of 16 years old into his mid-twenties. It is a powerful read for anyone in this day and age, but most specifically for homosexual individuals as well as parents who may not know how to respond to their child living in that particular lifestyle.

I know this is always such a controversial subject, but that is why I recommend this book. It comes from someone who has lived through it all.

---

Lord, give me eyes to see and ears to hear. I plead discipline over my life so that I may not be disqualified after I have preached to others.

In Jesus Name,
Amen

Friends.

2011-05-23T23:05:00.004-05:00

One of the many important things the Lord has impressed on me lately is about friendships.

There are a great many things I fail at every day: keeping up the cleaning, working out consistently, eating the right foods, reading, singing, etc.

I'm beginning to realize that if I keep neglecting my friendships and family, I have failed in one of the most significant of all aspects of life. Everything listed above is no where near the worth of people. It is so painful to reap the consequences of my lack of action over the years, but God knows what we need. I am just praying He teaches me to be more disciplined in this area of life.

Lord, remind us that people only come second to You. That is an extremely significant priority; help us remember each others' worth.

In Jesus' Name,
Amen.

Aspiration.

2011-05-20T22:52:00.004-05:00

"Consider what happens when all of us begin to look at our professions and areas of expertise not merely as means to an income or to career paths in our own context but as platforms for proclaiming the gospel in contexts around the world. Consider what happens when the church is not only sending traditional missionaries around the world but also businessmen and businesswomen, teachers and students, doctors and politicians, engineers and technicians who are living out the gospel in contexts where a traditional missionary could never go."
-David Platt

I FINALLY finished reading Radical... and the above paragraph was my favorite part from the last chapter of the book. This year has really helped me solidify more than ever that I am called to be a missionary, but in an unconventional way. I tried to go into ministry by way of attempting to train at a variety of ministry schools. I found the results to be much like what happens when you put positive sides of two magnets together.

A while back I once mentioned to a friend that whatever I end up doing I would want to be able to speak the name of Jesus Christ within that context. His first response was, "Why?"

To be honest, this question somewhat jarred me. In my harmonious ways, I tend to not speak my mind about something without the initial assumption that the person I am talking with will agree with me (I am trying to grow out of this). Obviously, that wasn't the case and I was much less prepared to give him a quality response.

At least a year and a half later that question has still been tumbling around in my head. Now, more than ever, that question has become deeply relevant. I have yet to reach a solid conclusion.

On one hand, my auto-response is: well, He is LORD! I cannot be restrained from proclaiming the reality of Sovereign God. I will not be censored from speaking the Truth!

Or is it just because it is easier and more comforting to have that direct acceptance of my faith?

Recently, I found myself seeing another perspective. I had previously posted a blog about a message by Lynette Lewis. This woman is a role model I feel so connected to because her calling is this weird hybrid of reaching the secular corporate world and the Christian world simultaneously. She brought up a prayer she once prayed before holding a workshop for Tyco Industries. In it, she reminded the Lord that He has called her to a secular workplace and she was not allowed to speak the name of God or quote scriptures in her workshop the way she freely could at church engagements. So instead she prayed that the Holy Spirit would speak beyond her limitation; move and breathe new life into the people she was training that day.

Whatever conclusion I end up with, I should never put God in a box. Even with music I struggle. As I have seen numerous Christian colleagues from undergrad go into the music industry and write songs that are not aimed to the Christian industry, it causes me to rock back and forth like a ship on deep waters. What is the overflow of my heart? Shouldn't that be what pours into my songs? Is it wrong to write songs only about human love? Is it ridiculous to always only sing about God's Love? Do these questions even matter to God? How does He want us to use our gifts?

I hope this has spurred on a lot of thoughts in your mind. Please share them with me. I welcome some help in resolving this!

Brokenhearted&Corrected.

2011-05-19T11:05:00.004-05:00

Last night, I did not blog... on purpose.

Throughout the day yesterday I could sense the Holy Spirit tugging at my heart to spend some time devoted to the Lord. In my fleshly nature, I ignored it and kept staring at whatever screen I was staring at at the time. By the time I finished running, showering, and eating dinner it was already past nine o'clock.

I have to blog! I thought.

And then it struck me- I have been so adamant about blogging daily. Posting something- anything- was required before I close my eyes for the night. How have I so successfully made that a requirement and not prayer? Why isn't it my daily goal to spend time in the presence of God?

Here is what I meditated on last night:

"...But God's word is not chained. Therefore I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they too may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory.

Here is a trustworthy saying:
If we died with him,
we will also live with him;
if we endure,
we will also reign with him.
If we disown him,
he will also disown us;
if we are faithless,
he will remain faithful,
for he cannot disown himself."
-2 Timothy 2:9b-13

I love how Paul writes about being obedient for the wealthy/elect. Being burdened for the wealthy is something I have carried long before God broke my heart for the poor. It always seemed wrong, though, since the church always talks about the poor and needy. It's nice to have Paul's affirmation. With what we have, we could do so much. I would love to inspire capitalism to be of greater use for all... for the sake of the gospel and in a way that doesn't make the rich man poor, but also doesn't keep the poor man impoverished.

Does that sound too ideal? Perhaps. But if I can study in college how others have already done it than it is obviously attainable.

As I tell you the other way the Lord burdened me, I have to confess something: my heart has been calloused. All these years surrounded by Christian hipsters has made me pretty insensitive to the needs of Africa. I know that sounds silly, but my entire college career was surrounded by everyone and their moms who went to Africa or are going to aid Africa in some way shape or form. Even my internship was with a non-profit who supports local leaders in Uganda and Kenya to help end extreme poverty. (The internship/organization was/is great, for the record!)

Frankly, I got tired of it! My thoughts have been: what about the rest of the world? There are so many other nations with corruption, war, poverty, trafficking, starvation, water problems, AIDS, genocide, and the like! How come Africa gets all the attention?

I know Africa is the poorest continent in the world and that is probably why everyone jumped on the bandwagon. This is just me explaining my hardness toward hipsters and decades of commercials on television with the sad, sad music and somber voice asking you to give them your money. Anyway...

I listened to a radio show this morning that interviewed Kimberly Smith. She is the author of Passport Through Darkness. (FB users)

Kimberly told her story about starting Make Way Partners with her husband, Milton. Hearing about her journeys in Sudan, her marriage and personal struggle, and her heart for these children pierced through the callous in mine. This blog post describes many Sudanese children, the struggles of local orphanages, and the normalcy of child sex trafficking. Do be sure to read its entirety here.

Father, keep our hearts tender toward the things that make You cry. See if there is any offensive way in us, reveal it to us, and correct us, Lord. You are the Lord, our Great Teacher.
In Jesus' name,
amen.

On Guard.

2011-05-18T00:28:00.002-05:00

I love her straight forward speaking style:

Father, thank you for the reminder that we must guard our hearts. Help us to be mindful of how to please you with our hearts through the daily grind of life. In Jesus' name, amen.

(fb users click here)

Identity.

2011-05-16T22:08:00.002-05:00

There is so much I could probably write about identity. Instead, I am posting Amber Brooks' "Heavenly Places." It says everything I could hope to communicate better than I would articulate. If I was only allowed to listen to or sing one song for the rest of my life, this would probably be it- it is my constant prayer and perfect reminder of who God is and who I am to Him.

Soak.

Move.

2011-05-15T23:45:00.002-05:00

"Too long have we been waiting for another to begin! The time for waiting is past!... Should such men as we fear? Before the whole world, aye, before the sleepy, lukewarm, faithless namby-pamby Christian world, we will dare to trust our God... and we will do it with His joy unspeakable singing aloud in our hearts. We will a thousand times sooner die trusting only in our God than live trusting in man. And when we come to this position the battle is already won, and the end of the glorious campaign in sight. We will have the real Holiness of God, not the sickly stuff of talk and dainty words and pretty thoughts; we will have a Masculine Holiness, one of daring faith and works for Jesus Christ."
-C.T. Studd (1860-1931)

Spirit Doctrine.

2011-05-14T22:22:00.002-05:00

"Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching. Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you.
Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearer.
-1 Timothy 4:13-16

These verses have been really strengthening to chew on today. It sets my perspective on the right things. More than anything I am excited! I am excited to read this passage and then examine my life and the words prophesied over me and see how I am living out some of those prophecies or heading toward the fulfillment of others.

I know not everyone practices prophecy/spiritual gifts/the movement of the Holy Spirit in the Christian church today. If you're reading this and you are one who doesn't practice those things, can I ask why? Why leave out one-third of the Holy Trinity? Why leave out the gift Jesus left behind as he went to the cross and resurrected?

I know I don't have the largest fan base for this blog, but for the few that do read this: I want to challenge you to explore where the Holy Spirit is discussed in scripture and what the Spirit's purpose is. Ha, this is a challenge I should be issuing to myself! So I will. After all, the quoted passage above warns us to watch our doctrine closely....

Let's.

Random.

2011-05-13T17:56:00.003-05:00

I just have a few random thoughts/questions for today:

1) Little girls should not be getting pedicures. That's all I have to say about that... (for now). Rant on the subject of beauty may come at a later date.

2) Why is it so easy to hate on people?

3) Why does it require so much courage to love them?

4) It is so easy to enjoy watching sitcoms of pretend people living out pretend lives rather than enjoying the treasure it is to do life with other real people.

5) Since when did material wealth = God's favor?

6) I hate it when people build walls to keep me out. Literally.
Just playin', that's figurative.

7) My biggest strengths are also my greatest weaknesses.

8) Why is it so hard to maintain same gender friendships?

9) Musicians: do you do music for you or for others? I can't seem to shake being selfish about it... (which is probably why I am so bad at it)

10) I am amazed at how comfortably we consume things like twinkies, soda pop, and the like without caring about the fact that there is no nutritional value in them whatsoever.

This concludes random thought time. Feel free to attempt answering any of these thoughts or questions if you so desire. 'Til next time!

Twitter&Rain.

2011-05-11T22:38:00.000-05:00

I should google why the human brain seems to slow down when the temperature is really hot. That is what I have been battling all day. Much like life, the weather lately does not seem to know how to segue into a new season. One day it's snowing, the next day it pours down rain, and the next it's 80˚F!

Not that I'm complaining or anything... (though I kind of was just now). I have been waiting for this weather for the last several months. I only wish there was time for 70˚ weather to showcase itself for the sake of our bodies to adjust.

Okay, sorry. I am totally boring cyber space with my rant about the weather. It is hard to think of much else today. So I will find a way to tie the weather, and a couple tweets, into this blog. Here goes:

Earlier today, I saw a friend's tweet which said, "maybe we were meant to exist in the rain."
I can just look at the way nature has been these last few weeks and prove that such a concept does not make sense!
Sure, there are seasons of rain, but we do not remain there.
What is the purpose of rain?

This time last week or two weeks ago, every single day was full of rain pouring down from the sky.
From Sunday to Saturday, every day was gloomy and cold.
Then what happened?
The new week came. Suddenly, the sun was shining. Almost as suddenly as the sun came out, every flower and tree bud blossomed and caused the neighborhood to light up with color.

The rain-however cold, wet and endless it seems at times- is necessary for growth. Rain is essential to a flower's purpose.
In the same way, facing a season of confusion or complication may seem endless, but it is not meant to harm you; nor is it a season that remains. It wouldn't be called a season if change never took place.

The way I see it is like this: rain feeds a plant. During "rainy seasons" in my life, I cannot help but seek the Lord for counsel and strength. He feeds me with wisdom, knowledge, and confidence to remain in Him. I soak in the rain for nourishment, though clouds, thunder and lightning surround. When the storming stops and the sun shines through the clouds, I am found ready. There is no difficulty in expanding from a bud to a blossom because everything I needed for this new season was already poured into me during the season prior.

He is always preparing you for more. He is always strengthening you for another season. Don't stand still in this one thinking no other season will come. Cherish the rain. Seek out the purpose for the rain.

It is pretty astounding how the Lord takes care of the earth! But Beloved, He takes care of us even more.

I figured another friend's tweet for the end might be appropriate as well:

"God wouldn't let something come your way unless He trusted you enough to take victory over it. #Heisforyou"

He will never give you something the two of you cannot handle together. There is always a purpose to rain, it is not the end of your story.

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Fighting Pride.

2011-05-10T23:06:00.004-05:00

"Never in my life did I imagine that one day I would be washing windows," my friend expressed from the other room.

As my newly manicured hands sponged and squeegeed the unending french panes in the upstairs hallway, I considered this statement for a second and could not agree more. There I stood, a college graduate, cleaning windows in an affluent middle class neighborhood much like the one I was raised in.

It felt good at first- working with my hands instead of staring at a screen. There is something about physical labor that is so much more gratifying than any other form of work.

As the sun took its journey down to the west, the feeling of accomplishment quickly transformed into exhaustion. Struggling to remain patient with a slower worker and the never ending amount of work to be done became the battle inside my mind. I had just come to a balance in my attitude when the home owner arrived. "The screens on the front of the house were put back inside out. The way they are supposed to go on is really obvious."

That was it.

Balance: tipped.
New attitude: angry and offended.

Excuse me? I thought. The excuses overflowed in my brain with offense. That he would speak to me like that when I did not have the responsibility of re-placing the screens- the sluggard did. How dare he talk down to me like that? Like I am less than him. As if I come from somewhere lesser when I actually come from a city with higher nationwide rankings and prestige!

We are not that different, he and I ... and that is probably what made it even harder to serve him. I took a step back from these thoughts full of offense with the reality: pride is quickly revealed in moments of service.

I wanted to wave my wealth at him and my credentials. I wanted so badly for him to see who I am; where I come from. My true identity...

Is that what I hold on to as my identity? How sad that I still cling to such things when I know the Truth.

"But it is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant;

and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be slave of all.

"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many."

It doesn't matter whether we are "equals" in anything. If I am not a servant, I have no greatness. If I cannot put him first, I will not be first.

Pride makes such a good shield for my heart until I realize it is a destructive tool made by the opposing forces. Sigh. So much to learn. So much re-learning to do.

Breathe.

2011-05-09T22:31:00.002-05:00

I just finished pouring out loads of theological questions tonight. Therefore, my brain is done and needs a break. So enjoy taking a nice, relaxing breath to the sound of this music :)

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குடும்பம்

2011-05-08T22:42:00.006-05:00

There is no better place to recognize the existence of a man's soul than when you come face-to-face with him again at his own wake. In approaching the coffin to pay respects, it is impossible to ignore the internal recognition that the person you know is no longer there. It is just his "shell," if you will. A temporary holding place. A vessel.

Though it may sound morbid, I find myself awkwardly joyful through most occasions of this nature. It has everything to do with the fact that I am not afraid of death. I am not afraid of the death of my beloved family. Death is dead for us, don't you see? Death is dead! Is it not called a "wake" for a reason?

For those who worship the One Lord, Jesus Christ, who conquered death for our sake, death cannot swallow us. We go from temporary life to eternal life. The only thing I really find myself mourning over in this present day is the distance we feel from our loved ones. It is temporary, yet such a far distance. In addition, I think of Home. My heavenly home. My real home. Thinking about another leaving this earth and all of its complexities and issues behind makes me wonder about the relief he must feel now. No more pain, no more sorrow, No more politics, no more poverty. No more money, no more material. Just Love. Pure, unadulterated Love.

"I Will Rise" by Chris Tomlin was sung during the ceremony. It was then that the tears came pouring over my cheeks. I couldn't hold them in once I caught a vision of him living out the lyrics "And I will rise when He calls my name, no more sorrow, no more pain. I will rise on eagle's wings. Before my God fall on my knees and rise, I will rise."

I am so filled with gratitude when I think about my family. I think about how intolerant my parents are of even the slightest compromise of the Truth. I think about my last birthday when my uncle called and declared blessings over my life. I think about my late grandmother who (among many great things), as a widow, poured her retirement funds to build a church and school in an Indian village. I think about this weekend's funeral and the constant acknowledgement of how faithful he was to the work of the LORD in his everyday life. On the front of the program, 2 Timothy 4:7 is quoted, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." I love how confidently that can be said of my family- immediate or distant. What a legacy.

I do not write this to pour salt on any wounds if this is not the legacy of your family. I know all families have imperfections, mine included. I think the point I ultimately want to make is this: as individuals, we each have a level of influence. We are or will be someone's mom, dad, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, grandmother, grandfather, niece, nephew, or cousin. We can choose to let that role slide by as though it is insignificant. Or, we can recognize it for its worth and use it to pour a wealth of goodness into our bloodline. Pour out into your family. Create depth to shallow waters. Leave a godly legacy.

"No reserve, no retreat, no regrets."
In loving memory of "TC"
(1931-2011)

A Hymn.

2011-05-07T22:30:00.002-05:00

I was not one to grow up singing hymns in church, but I have definitely come to appreciate them and their depth. Read this nice and slow. Enjoy the God it describes:

What a friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged;
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden,
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In his arms he'll take and shield thee;
thou wilt find a solace there.
-What A Friend We Have in Jesus

Mental Media Frenzy.

2011-05-06T14:27:00.003-05:00

As mentioned previously, this inductive Bible study has been so refreshing to my spirit. It is hilarious how perfect God's timing is in the subject matter. Even when I have slacked off this week, God knew in advance and used what I should have studied on Monday to speak to me today. I have caught up on three out of the five daily studies for the week and am curious how the last two will conclude the lessons so far.

I'll be honest, I backtracked in some ways this week. When I wasn't doing stuff for my family and my own life, I would usually revert to facebook, twitter, television, or a movie. It has been an amazingly difficult fight to discipline my mind on anything less instant. I haven't been reading as much or getting in the Word, and obviously I fell behind on my Bible study activities.

And everyday, there was a craving. Hunger. As if my spirit was craving a real meal, but I decided to fill up on cheetos and twinkies instead. That kind of stuff never fulfills the craving because it doesn't contain the vitamins and nutrients your body is actually asking for. It is one and the same with the world's media vs. God's presence. I would even dare to say that watching a preacher via video podcast is not the same as being in your prayer closet.

There is a level of focus that all this media/social networking is shooting down in our brains. I want my old brain back. As a child, I could sit on the couch in our living room for an entire afternoon and finish a novel. Now, I pick one up, read a page or two until I feel antsy.

The intro to this week's lesson said this:

Take Heed to Your Spirit... Let No One Deal Treacherously
"Take heed to your spirit." What a needful exhortation! We are so busy, so occupied with life that life in itself is difficult. Words, words, words–we hear so much, say so much in this day of constant communication with our cellular equipment that we don't take time to be still, to shut off the noise of the world and take heed to our spirit, to make sure our spirit is in perfect alignment with Gods Spirit.
Are we hearing God? Believing God? Or are we so out of tune with God that, like Israel, we dispute His love for us when in reality it is we who don't love God as we should? As you saw, Malachi opens with Israel claiming that God doesn't love them, isn't demonstrating His love as He should. When in reality, as we see when we read on, it was them. They did not love God as they should.
What would life and our relationships with others look like if we loved God supremely? If our relationship with Him governed all of life?

Yep, I'm sticking with this song today:

If I am declaring those lyrics with my lips over and over again... do I have the lifestyle to back it up? "...With Everything."
Do I love God as I should?

Be Still.

2011-05-05T22:08:00.002-05:00

I want to use tonight's blog post to encourage you to just sit still. Press play, press repeat, etc. Just take this time to soak in God's presence:

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Closure.

2011-05-04T22:56:00.005-05:00

Oh man, up until 3 minutes ago I seriously forgot about blogging today.

Life is getting busier, thank God. At the same time, I am so glad it is gradual. Heaven knows I would be a wreck if I suddenly just jumped into a normal life again. God is so merciful and understanding too. He knows how to bring us out of the wilderness slowly to test the strength we gained in the tough times. There's still a conscious correcting that having time allows into a thought process when old ways want to come back.

I just thought back to a tweet I posted earlier today that maybe I should clarify to my friends (if they actually read this). I retweeted a quote by Van Morrison which said, "Music is spiritual, the music business is not." To which I added, "It's official, I'm over Nashville. Hello 2 the rest of my life!" So here it is:

Dear professional or aspiring musicians/vocalists/songwriters/producers/engineers/publishers/etc.,

I love that you love what you do. I love all of your creativity and ability to be vulnerable through music. I don't hate Nashville. In fact I have often missed it. However, I am joyful in the security of knowing that Nashville is not for me. I spent a substantial number of years there and enjoyed every bit of it. The world is just far too big for me to stick with my past. It always has been. And life only moves forward, never backward. Though I tried to return, the attempts literally felt like swimming upstream. Alas, my heart is healed from the pain of letting go, but a new excitement has taken place. I do believe that joy has always been in me buried deep as I always love new adventures. But this time I just wouldn't let it manifest in my heart since my head was telling me to take control and hold on tight to what was; what ground I had already covered and the roots already placed. This is me officially saying we are through. Unless God so surprisingly brings us together again in the years ahead, this is my adieu.
So you see, my dear Nashvillians, it's not you, it's me. :)

Yours Affectionately,

Sarah

Stuck In My Head...

2011-05-03T22:53:00.002-05:00

All I want to post today is a song. This song has been stuck in my head for days. I find it peculiar that this song came to mind at random one day because I literally haven't heard it for years. Singing the chorus over and over again lately has been good in a subconscious sort of ways. It is amazing how our brains store media we've taken in over the years. It has been interesting to start taking note of what songs start coming out of my mouth at random moments.

Anyway, here it is:

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May 1st.

2011-05-02T22:52:00.004-05:00

"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."
-Martin Luther King Jr.

Again a big surprise at the subject that is overflowing every news outlet and social media network: Osama bin Laden is dead. Wow, ten years in the making. I feel strange at being relieved. I am glad to feel that much safer, yet it is sad that another life has left the earth. As MLK Jr.'s quote sums up, an eye for an eye doesn't satisfy. Justice isn't mine to give. I am not the one to repay. In my ideal mind, I would rejoice at a changed life. If only bin Laden turned from his ways...

As relieved as our country feels, I pray for the families of our troops and the troops themselves. I don't want them to be surprised by the probability that US forces won't pull back and come home right away. Who knows what lies ahead.

The biggest realization hit me last night as I watched President Obama announce bin Laden's death: what timing! First of all, Obama is probably thrilled considering the decline in his popularity since coming into office plus the coming election in 2012 not too far off. Secondly, we're at our financial peak. Maybe (I don't actually know how this works) our nation will finally be able to relax military spending even to a small degree... that's probably a really hopeful thought, but a girl can hope! Lastly, I just thought this was cute. A friend posted this on her Facebook status today: "Once upon a time, the commoner girl marries the prince and the the bad guy dies. And they all lived happily ever after." In one weekend, a fairy tale became real life!

Anyway, this has certainly raised spirits, hopefully it will raise our economy back to life too.
Lord have mercy on us.

Advantageous.

2011-05-01T20:59:00.004-05:00

So yesterday I said , "Well, maybe tomorrow I'll talk about how I am all talk and no action."

Here is what is really going to happen. I am going to tell you how I am NOT "all talk and no action." The Lord really impressed a handful of important things upon me through two sermons today.

The first covered 1 Timothy 1. It brought me such peace about a lot of things God has spoken to me this past year:

-Look at your circumstances as a place that God has allowed you to be for the time being.
-Look at your circumstances as an opportunity to glorify God.
-Stop looking at what you don't have and start looking at Who you do have.
-Most of us don't get past ourselves to see what God's doing. What a pathetic way to live our lives!
-Which are you more aware of, your problems or the fact that God's Spirit is within us?
-Is there any room in your house/your life that Jesus is not allowed into? Like guests, we tell Christ to make Himself at home in our lives, but don't actually mean it.
-God says,"There is one thing I want to strengthen in you; that is your innermost being."

This has been a year- the only year in my life- that I cannot explain myself to people. When people have inquired into what I am doing now there is nothing visible- no job, no internship, no big 10-year plan, no new mission trip or leadership opportunity. All they see is a confused young adult with a shrug on her shoulders and a lot of time on her hands to spend with family and travel.

But let me tell you loud and clear: being obedient is never a waste of time; even of an entire year.

Now I can't give myself a whole lot of credit on the obedience factor. For the first several months, I had no sense of understanding that God was calling me to a year of stillness. I fought it like crazy! At the same time, I just knew along the way that every pursuit I went after was not where I was supposed to be. By saying no to everything, I landed where I was supposed to be. Insecure, unbelieving, out of control, and extremely anxious... perfectly raw, humiliated, dependent, and moldable.

In hindsight I can tell you that none of this was a mistake, not for a second. As my pastor preached this morning: you may look at the outer shell of my life and see nothing. But the Lord? He see everything, inside and out. Such a seemingly anti-climactic way of being transformed, but He knew what I needed. He hit every bullet point of what I needed. If I were to list how many things have been fulfilled and strengthened in my life from one year of stillness, I would be writing for days.

So what am I doing now? I'm being prepared.

The other sermon I watched today was from my former and favorite church, Bethel World Outreach Center. Lynette Lewis is a woman who does not know I exist but I hold her in high regard. The way she leads, speaks, and what her heart breaks for is so in line with my personality and interests. Haha, the first time I heard her speak at a conference, I pointed at her and said to a friend, "HER. I want to be like her."

Everyone, guy or girl, should listen to her sermon. It is all about raising your standards and expectations for life and what the Lord has in store for us if we would just take the next step forward. Hearing her stories of keeping faith while feeling inadequate was extremely encouraging. To admit that is extremely vulnerable for a leader, but that is why she is so effective.

Ahh, I am so pumped up! So thankful for the Lord that I am being made ready for more.

God knows, and reminds us in His Word, that if we want to be in possession of more we must first be wise with little.

One last thing, a tweet from @BrianCHouston:

So keep moving forward! My God is a Rewarder of those who seek Him.

Something.

2011-04-30T22:11:00.005-05:00

Wow, I seriously don't know what to write about today. At all.

So, I'll let you in on an organization I have been interested in:

In case you don't know me, or don't know me all that well, my heartbreak is for human trafficking. The only way I know how to answer the question, "why human trafficking," is by telling you it is my worst fear. I mean think about it. The scenario for these victims usually consists of some or all of these:

-They were sold by a loved one.
-Or they are orphans to begin with.
-They were deceived by an employer to leave their homes and families.
-They are drugged.
-They are beaten.
-They never stay in the same place for too long.
-They usually never know where exactly they are.
-They usually can't speak the language of the country they're in nor can they attempt to communicate with people outside to get help.
-And if they take the chance to get help, law enforcement often mistake trafficked victims as illegal aliens.
-They THINK their family is counting on this twisted form of work.
-Culture has taught them that leaving a job would dishonor their family so they never try to leave even though it's a sick, twisted way of making money that doesn't actually make them or their family any money.
-They are forced into hard labor.
-They are raped repeatedly, every single day... by up to 4 clients in a single hour for God only knows how many hours a day.
-Half of these 27 million slaves are experiencing this in their childhood.

... Let that all sink in.

Makes you angry doesn't it? Me too.

The A21 Campaign, though I have yet to work with them myself, seems to be very thorough in the way they approach this issue. I appreciate that a lot because, in my opinion, there are too many organizations out there who stop at awareness. Education is extremely important, but it's almost useless. If an organization has enough resources to be large and well known, why not expand it to be even more effective? Awareness without direct action to fix the problem is... Well, it eventually becomes stagnant. Its power only goes so far. Meanwhile, slaves aren't being rescued, they aren't being cared for or rehabilitated and the Johns, kiln owners, crop owners, etc. never get persecuted.

Phew. Like I said, it makes me angry.

What am I doing about it? Well, maybe tomorrow I'll talk about how I am all talk and no action.
In the meantime, check out A21's website at the link above. Pray for those living enslaved in this very moment- that the Lord would be near to them and remind them of His True Love and justice.

I'm out.

Royalty.

2011-04-30T00:48:00.002-05:00

Yep, I am about to jump on board with the Royal Wedding talk in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1:

(For the sake of getting pettiness out of the way: Kate Middleton's dress=love. Trees inside Westminster Abbey= loved equally or greater than said dress. David Beckham's suit= epitome of gentlemanly style. & HATS!!= Why can't we wear hats?! I want to wear hats!)

Ahem. Moving on!

Quoted in the Bishop of London's speech delivered during the ceremony:

"Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire."
-St. Catherine of Siena.

As I watched CNN's build up to the Royal Wedding via DVR this afternoon, it stirred up some discontentedness and curiosity inside. As I have questioned before, I began to wonder why God placed me here, in this country, with this heritage, with this family and these experiences. How does He even begin to choose and design other individuals with full knowledge that one day they will be kings and queens or even paupers or orphans?

Then I came back for my day 5 session on Malachi. The study led me to God's perfect answer:

"On the contrary, who are you, O man, who answers back to God? The thing molded will not say to the molder, "Why did you make me like this," will it?

Or does not the potter have a right over the clay, to make from the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for common use?"
-Romans 9:20-21

Great imagery, isn't it?
These verses make such a good point. Though I am content overall with my circumstances and self, I do fall into wanting to change myself to be more like others. Sometimes I wish I was stronger, smarter, faster, even funnier!

But who am I to say, "God, why?"
"Why does Kate Middleton get to be Duchess of Cambridge and I don't?"
"How come I am so fortunate while others live without?"
The longer I live the more I see how God places me in circumstances that I don't actually feel qualified for on purpose. I am the fool meant to shame the wise. I am the weak chosen to shame the strong.

Regardless of my ranking or understanding, I have purpose. People are easily inspired; I can inspire people.

Though I live in utter dependency rather than lavish wealth, I must not forget: I too am royalty.
My inheritance is the Kingdom that will outdo every kingdom in world history.
I will bear a crown, though it will be at my King's feet and not atop my head.
His aura of prestige, romance, majesty and awe is so incomparably great.
The Great King addresses me as, "friend."

Whoever you are, wherever you are, rich, poor, or somewhere in between- you have a platform to fill. Whether we gain worldwide media attention or not, we impress something on every person we come across. That is a great responsibility. How do you inspire the world?

"From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more."
-Luke 12:48b

"Be who God MEANT you to be," not, who you think you are supposed to be or who people say you should be. When you fulfill the purpose God designed in you to fulfill, THEN you will set the world on fire. You may not see the fire spread, but it starts with your spark and travels from person to person; nation to nation.

Father, I pray over the now Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. May they draw near to You so You will draw near to them. Let intimacy with You rule the hearts of every leader in the Western world. I pray our world leaders would practice lordship to You alone so they may be granted wisdom, knowledge, and understanding of how to build the future of our nations for Your glory. Be Lord of us "commoners," as well. Remind us that we are not all that common. You built us with unique purpose. I pray we would not wait for the spark of our leaders. Let us set the world ablaze: person to person each and every day. Teach us how to love. God, I pray these in faith with the knowledge that when we turn our hearts to You, You turn your face toward us. In seeking You, we will be empowered and equipped to reach out to the poor and helpless. Be near, O God.

In Jesus' Name,
Amen.

Challenging.

2011-04-28T10:15:00.002-05:00

Philippians 2:5-8 (New American Standard Bible)

5 Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus,

6 who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped,

7 but [a]emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.

8 Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

Footnotes:
Philippians 2:7 I.e. laid aside His privileges

Something to meditate on for the day...

Argh.

2011-04-27T23:29:00.003-05:00

The more humility this season asks of me, the more I recognize what a vicious monster pride can be.

Trying to start something over is the most painful, up-hill, internal battle I can think of... at least for me.
I used to be clueless about how training in anything made a difference. It all seemed to come so easily that I took my fitness for granted. Now that I have nearly lost it all I can recognize what I once had.

Am I the only one who has ever wanted something so bad that I don't want it at all?

I am not a perfectionist all around. However, there is one thing, maybe a few unsurfaced things, in life that I struggle to want to be any part of if I can't do it perfectly. Because I have gone backwards from where I once was, the moving forward to something different carries more appeal: less pain, less humility. There is no fighting involved, just adapting.

But, the war keeps raging. I keep wondering, is it simply that I don't want to or am I just embarrassed by my current state? is this really not a good fit for me or do I need to ask God for a change of heart?

Some of the best things I have done in life were things I was originally repulsed by... Sigh.

Lord, please grant me wisdom. I know you won't condemn me, but I want to do my best for you. Only you are worthy of my best. So if I am hoarding it all away to myself and becoming fruitless, change my heart. Sustain me, Father, I have casted my cares upon you.

In Jesus' Name,
Amen.

Oof. I had been so riled up at all these thoughts earlier that I blasted and sang this song in the car- my favorite Paramore song. Haha, such an awesome way to release stress.

Also, check back to this post and read up on the thoughts going on in the comment section. Your participation is always encouraged!

Interesting.

2011-04-26T22:52:00.002-05:00

A couple videos I literally just watched:

First:

And second:

Timothy Keller's writings are still on my long list of books to read so I suppose this is a good way to get my feet wet. :)

Devotion.

2011-04-25T22:53:00.003-05:00

Another rainy day...

Coming down from Easter weekend, I had no inclination to move quickly on anything today, really. As long as certain things got done that was all that mattered.

One thing I did not prioritize for today was getting into the presence of the Lord. Mainly, I fed myself with other things: food and a movie. Time was closing in toward the Bible Study I attend. Today was the first real day of my first ever inductive Bible study, but I just did not feel like going. It has been one of those days I just wanted be in a cave and talk to nobody. I had been content all day with the thoughts whirling in my brain... definitely in no place to want to talk to anyone or even smile for that matter.

Maybe I'll just send an e-mail to say I can't make it...

Among the billions of reasons why I love my dad, I am thankful he said something to me that I once thought aloud to him:

"Usually when you have the most struggle to go are the times God particularly wants to meet with you."

Of course I gave a lazy, joking response, but ended up going anyway.

Our inductive study is in the book of Malachi... not a very popular book nor one that any of us had really studied before. It's different, that is for sure... yet convicting, of course.

Arriving late, I walked in quietly during the worship music, wishing to be invisible. I felt the weight of so many lies being spoken into my mind as the music played. Something like, "always/easily replaceable," was the theme of these lies. Worthlessness.

(Sidenote confession: a line from a song I have listened to quite a bit recently has been repeating over and over again in my head & it is difficult to not believe it, though I know it is unhealthy and a lie. It goes, "I won't let you close enough to hurt me, no I won't let you...")

My insides nearly crumbled by the time I sat down at the table to start. I forced a smile and brushed through conversation at first. It was so hard even to look these women in the eyes because of the shame this mental war had produced.

But my, oh my. What healing water the Word of God is! Even an Old Testament text as foreign and dark as Malachi; the further we read, the deeper we studied, the more my soul came back to life.

Sigh. Why on earth do I deprive myself of His presence? When will I steady myself in consistency of reading His word and seeking Him first in every day? Nothing ever fills me like He does. My belief in self-sufficiency only wrings me out like wet dish rag being hung up to dry.

Everything about His presence changes everything about my day: my attitude, joy, even the expression on my face and body language; how I interact around people and the esteem I have for myself and others.

I need Thee, Lord. Every hour, I need Thee.
I was made for intimacy.

Esteem vs. Redeem

2011-04-24T22:51:00.002-05:00

Oof. Trying to do this quick. Easter Sunday/holidays in general are not the easiest days to blog.

Not gonna lie, blogging everyday has been getting a little more difficult lately. But I shall persevere!

So I am going to introduce a thought that a family friend brought up during conversation today. It went something like this:

We shouldn't have self-esteem because we are redeemed people.

I never thought about it like that before, but I believe she is on to something... I will give more thoughts to come.

My apologies if my blogs have not been as thought through as of late. Doing this as one of the last things at the end of the night or in between hanging out is obviously not the most effective method for writing.

In the meantime, enjoy this song:

Biting My Tongue.

2011-04-24T00:28:00.003-05:00

Today has been one of those days when I find myself overflowing with things I want to say yet knowing not much of it is worth saying.

Sigh.

Yet another day of being utterly dependent on the LORD.

Like that old song goes, "If you see me on my knees, it's not because I'm weak, I'm getting stronger."

And another song to explain it all:
"I need you, Jesus, to come to my rescue. Where else can I go?"

What can I say, just one more song:

(FB users click here)

Hmm.

2011-04-22T22:58:00.002-05:00

Been chewing on Romans 1:20 and its context today. It could create some major drama that's fa sho. All I want to end with is one question:

What truths about God have we traded for lies?

Father, please reveal that to us and restore us to the truth about who You are.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen.

boys&girls.

2011-04-21T22:42:00.006-05:00

A friend of mine just sent me (this video) tonight:

Sigh ... so true, so true.

I would dare to even say we need men to exceed King David's legacy!
One man living with the consequences of adultery and murder should be enough for all men to learn from.
(It should also be enough to recognize how abundant God's grace is for Him to still call an adulterous murderer, "a man after My own heart." So if you've messed up or struggling. Get up. Leave the sinful crap behind and start walking again in Jesus' name. You've been redeemed!)

Don't worry guys, I'm not hating on you without recognizing that women have our own issues to work out too.

We all have got to WAKE UP and STEP UP
and live out the purpose... the original intent... we were given.

So many of us go around whining about how nobody really knows what it means to be a man or a woman so we can't really do anything about it and blah, blah, blah...

Or what's worse, some don't even think about it! Men and women alike just go with the flow of whatever they see/hear/watch or are taught and never stop to ask questions.

And some just shrug. Wallowing in his or her own despair, s/he thinks, "My father/mother was never there to teach me how to be a wo/man. I'll always be swallowed in this struggle."

This is our God.

I don't know how much of a difference there is between seeking to discover gender identity and seeking wisdom...

And guess what?! God LOVES when we ask for wisdom!! So much so that He will give it freely if we have faith.

Why would we have to ask God?
Hm, I don't know, maybe because He created us.
He is the only one that knows the complexity of our wiring because He is the Inventor of man.
If you want to know how something works, ask the one who built it! Right?

There is so much freedom, security, comfort, and joy in letting God teach us. By allowing Him to be our teacher, we can be restored to our authentic definition. While seeking wisdom, we will realize that the wisdom God bestows ushers us into true masculinity or femininity.

We were made for Him; we were made for each other.
Not to dominate each other, but to complement and support one another.

Trust.

2011-04-20T23:23:00.005-05:00

Today has brought about a few instances where the concept of trust has crossed my mind. As scary as trusting is, we sell our relationships short on a daily basis by our lack of trust. For example, I was watching an episode of Community where Jeff Winger asks an engaged woman about her prenuptial agreements before taking her vows. He sounded so casual and presented it like it is the wisest decision she could make. Anyone who has seen any common show on cable today has probably heard this kind of dialogue being exchanged. Prenuptial agreements have seemingly become as much a part of the dating/engagement/marriage process as a man proposing with a diamond ring!

What kind of foundation is that?!
It's practically telling the person straight up, "I don't trust you."

I get it, relationships are scary. People take a huge risk by to joining his or her life with someone else's.
But instead of each choosing to be more trustworthy and demanding the same kind of integrity from another, we decide we cannot possibly change ourselves and instead, change the law.

I think I'll call the disinterest in changing one's character, "laziness of the will."

Even when used for the sake of protecting family wealth... it all boils down to trust, or the lack thereof.

And God.

Of course I have to bring up God! Silly.

It is so sneaky a moment when I develop my own expectations and set my heart on one aim. In that moment the unraveling begins and what started out as a tightly woven, carefully crafted knit of trust in the Lord comes undone.

No, no, no.
Trust.
TRUST!
Trust in the LORD!
With all your heart.
And stop leaning on your own understanding!

That is how so many safeguards are created- we stop trusting in the Lord, as a nation or as individuals, and we lean on our own understanding of how the world works, how it should be structured; how our hearts should be guarded and our livelihood protected.

What we really need is the LORD.
He promises to direct us if we would only seek to genuinely know Him for ourselves.
Plus, all of His other promises support us in all the other things we worry about!
Promises made from the most Trustworthy of all.

Repentance.

2011-04-19T10:25:00.003-05:00

“The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.’ As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’

“Therefore since we are God’s offspring, we should not think that the divine being is like gold or silver or stone—an image made by man’s design and skill. In the past God overlooked such ignorance, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent. For he has set a day when he will judge the world with justice by the man he has appointed. He has given proof of this to all men by raising him from the dead.”
~Acts 17:24-31

Come, let us return to the Lord.
Oh rebellious nation, return your face to the LORD.

Qualified.

2011-04-18T18:42:00.007-05:00

Random revelation for the day:

Today I was talking to someone who recommended an employment position to me. Coming from my perspective, I can't say I have had much prior knowledge of the way this particular industry worked and what I was qualified for. In my mind I always thought to apply for the position requiring the least qualifications. At the mention of this thought, she immediately said, "Nooo, no, no. You have your degree! You shouldn't take that position, psh that job is all tension and no pay. Here's what you should apply for..."

Suddenly, I came to the realization that often times we don't recognize what we are capable or worthy of until someone tells us or shows us.
It's easy to go through life with this "poverty mindset," isn't it?
We keep ourselves down because of this mentality!

I'm glad there are people in life who teach me how to grow so I don't continue to shrink back in fear and timidity.

I'm glad I serve a God who reminds me of my worth everyday. He says I am more than a conqueror, a princess, and co-heir of the same inheritance as Jesus Christ himself.

Dang. I have a lot more to offer than I have let myself believe.
... and so do you.

Amazing Grace.

2011-04-17T17:58:00.003-05:00

Please, read the following slowly:

Amazing Grace

John Newton (1725-1807)
Stanza 6 anon.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.

... Such powerful words written during such a historical time by a man, once sinful, now redeemed.

I feel like I am about to ruin the beauty of the lyrics above by saying I just finished watching the movie Amazing Grace. Nevertheless, it was the inspiration for this post so I will own up to it.

This movie, among other things, inspired my admiration for William Wilberforce. Though I still have much research and reading to do on his life, I am mostly impacted by the fact that his story is true. The man, William Wilberforce, is not just a character in a movie, but lived, breathed, and fought and was victorious in ending the Trans-Atlantic slave trade.

However, the pangs in my heart remain as I now think of the thriving slave trade that exists today- one even larger than that of the past. It is not much different than the trade of the past, except in its discreet nature.

Sigh.

More on this to come.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

Radical.

2011-04-16T11:54:00.003-05:00

Okay, as promised, today I am blogging about the book I have been reading lately:

(Facebook readers, click here)

Radical by David Platt from Taylor Robinson on Vimeo.

... pretty epic video, huh?

The book is not as compelling emotionally. But spiritually, there is a sense of undoing inside as I have been reading this book. The beginning does truly tug at everything inside as Platt paints a vivid picture of The Church overseas and what The Church looks like here in America.

There is so much to this book, it has rendered me speechless! Let me keep trying...

David Platt dissects the American church, rule by rule; norm by norm. He compares these things to the basic foundation of biblical Christianity- The Great Commission. As chapters pass, every standard and rule pales by comparison to what scripture actually says.

Platt is throwing off the American Church's rose colored glasses much to the relief of my spirit and that of the world's heart cry, I am sure.

I still have four of the nine chapters to finish and may post on this again after I finish it completely. Please, buy it and read it! Whether you've been a Christian all your life, new to the faith, or were simply raised in the church, this book is a breath of fresh air.

Though only half way through, I am already challenged to be more dependent on God and His Word in order to be more effective as His disciple.

...

On a different note, I've been listening to this album again today & enjoy sharing it with the world. This is Robert's first album, but it is excellent. I am excited for him and what is to come for his career. Enjoy!

Translations.

2011-04-15T22:17:00.002-05:00

Today I watched this sermon:

It's old but great. So much wisdom to chew on. This wasn't the first time I've listened to this sermon, but I have gotten more out of it listening to it again.

A verse Dr. Munroe brings up constantly is Proverbs 19:21.
This verse has been on my mind constantly over the last year, but I have finally gotten down to the original Hebrew and it makes even more sense than before.

Many | רב
plans | מחשבה
are in a man's | איש
heart | לב
but the counsel | עצה
of the LORD | יהוה
will stand. | קום

I wanted to focus on two words: "counsel" and "stand."

The word "counsel" isn't used in the more common versions like NIV, NLT, or ESV. But the Hebrew 'etsah stands for counsel, advice or purpose.

"Stand" is also commonly replaced with the word "prevail." To better describe the word, is the Hebrew (obviously) quwm (said like küm). It means to maintain itself, be established or confirmed, stand, endure, be fixed, valid, proven fulfilled; to persist, to be set or fixed.

I don't know if you're beginning to see what I am now seeing. I guess I just wasn't getting the same message from "the LORD's purpose will prevail," at least in my mind. I had seeing it as 'Oh ultimately/eventually the Lord's purpose wins out; He'll use the circumstance for what He meant it for,' which is true to a degree, but going to the base makes it richer.

Now I find this scripture saying, "Look, you can plan all you want according to what you feel is right or where your inclinations are taking you in this moment. However, as you pursue these things, you are going to realize that the advice (through His Spirit and the Word) the LORD is trying to impress upon you along the way will always trump your human propensity."

Make sense?

Anyway, that's enough for today. What a good day. Thank God for the stability He brings to our lives when we simply make time to spend with Him. Ahh, so good.

Be blessed to be a blessing!

Blogging is Good for my "Input" Mind.

2011-04-14T13:03:00.004-05:00

"But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that."
-1 Timothy 6:6-8

Just some food for thought today...

Also, a highlight from this book I'm reading. I've been talking about it and badly want to blog about it, but I still haven't had a chance to finish it! It's making me crazy but I am setting my mind on getting it done and writing about it two blog posts from now. In the meantime, enjoy this hard-hitting excerpt:

"Because if "God loves me" is the message of Christianity, then who is the object of Christianity?
God loves me.
Me.
Christianity's object is me.
... But it is not biblical Christianity.
The message of biblical Christianity is not "God loves me, period," as if we were the objects of our own faith. The message of biblical Christianity is "God loves me so that I might make him- his ways, his salvation, his glory, and his greatness- known among all nations." Now God is the object of our faith, and Christianity centers around him. We are not the end of the gospel; God is."

What a healthy, necessary rebuke to the church today. More to come!

Lastly, I just listened to a radio interview with Jeromy and Jennifer Deibler of FFH now that they have "returned to the scene" of the music biz after a 3 year break/sabbatical. It wasn't hard to tell how much the Lord has molded them in the time off they spent serving in South Africa and regaining balance in their marriage and family life. This song is a reflection of it as well and really penetrated my heart, especially at the chorus:

Oh and if you don't know what I mean by "input," you can learn about it here.
Enjoy this beautiful day!

WishiWasAFarmer.

2011-04-13T23:22:00.006-05:00

... Say what?!

Today was fun. Lookie what I got to do!:

This beautiful baby lamb is only one week old... so adorable. She followed me around the barn after I set her down. Can't say I've held any sheep before but this one snuggled her way into my heart the minute she tried to lay a wet one on me. I loved being around all the livestock, kittens, and dog. Granted, I know being a farmer isn't about hanging on to your animals, but knowing how to manage them.

Being on a farm today gave me a more real understanding of what God meant when He gave us dominion over the earth. We aren't meant to dominate each other, but the resources God has already supplied us. It was amazing to see the way every sheep, cow, pig, and pet responded to the farmer. They knew who the master was immediately! To "be fruitful and multiply," makes a whole lot of sense and seems much more feasible when we know what has been put into our care and how to manage it.

And another encouraging part of my day:

Skyping with my friend Christy! She is such an encouragement and an example to me of what it means to faithfully follow the Lord's call for our lives. I am so impressed with the courage she shows every day to be faithful to The Great Commission. It is empowering to hear how God has provided for her every need as she has remained faithful to Him.

Love it. I love how much easier it seems to stay in touch with my friends across the world. Kind of funny how that is, but I enjoy it nonetheless. It's like I get to see a new nation without all the expenses, travel time and jet lag! Those things will never stop me from actually traveling though, that is for sure!

Ahhh, what an inspiring day. The Lord is teaching me to selah.

סֶלָה‎

Patriotic? Me?

2011-04-12T22:39:00.004-05:00

Hm.
One of those days I'm tired early and not sure what to write.

I've been reading a lot today! Opening a book my brother bought just to "see what the first chapter is like," turned into devouring the first third. My hope was to finish the book today, but I'm not a crazy fast reader and life around family causes things to come up pretty quickly. It's okay, we'll see if I can stay awake past this post.

Today a new realization surfaced as I took my dog on a nice little walk:
I am glad I was brought up in America!

Pretty sure all of cyber space just raised an eyebrow at me.

I know that sounds strange, but yes it had to be a conscious realization for me. I think that is more common among those of us who fall under the category of first-generation immigrant.

I think I look at the world from a different angle than those who's families have lived in their same nation for several generations. All of this cultural-consciousness must have stemmed from a recent trip I took to Texas, but that is for a later day. I have always had a very international outlook on the the world. My first trip overseas was at 2 years old for goodness sake! Being internationally wired is not only in my blood though, it's in my heart.

So stating that I'm glad to be American is a pretty big deal! As a first-generation, my loyalty is pretty evenly split three ways, culturally speaking. Personally, I love hopping the pond as often as the green light turns on. As of late the idea that immigrating elsewhere is a possibility has surfaced in my mind pretty frequently (to clarify: I am not taking active steps toward that). I only say this because I'm trying to make the point that I tend to put the USA on a more level playing field with the rest of the world than I think most Americans do in their everyday, normal lives or thought processes.

But as I continue learning about other nations and cultures, I find even more assurance that this big ol' melting pot, tossed salad, land of the free, home of the brave type of place spells out four letters across my heart: H-O-M-E.

Granted if I got a call from God to plant roots elsewhere, well, I better do just that. As for today: I am here, savoring every single day in the US of A.

(Insert "Proud to Be An American" song here)

HA! Yeah, right. You didn't expect me to be that cheesy did you?

Just an overall good song for any subject:

(Love that: "The Stability of our times will be the Rock that is higher.")

Camaraderie.

2011-04-11T17:51:00.004-05:00

I am so thankful to the Lord and how faithful He is.
I have been so happy these last few days! Practically giddy,
and the only thing I can pin it on is the Lord.
Only He satisfies like this.
When He says, "I'll never leave you nor forsake you," He lives up to it.
Always there, Unfailing Love...

... but when it comes to people, believing in their faithfulness tends to be a gamble.

I keep chewing on these few verses in Job chapter 6 because- although I have NO sense of just how much Job suffered in physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual pain- I can at least relate to him for three verses:

"A despairing man should have the devotion of his friends, even though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty.
But my brothers are as undependable as intermittent streams,
as the streams that overflow when darkened by thawing ice and swollen with melting snow,
but that cease to flow in the dry season and in the heat vanish from their channels."
-Job 6:14-17

I have lots of friends and love them, probably more than they realize.
Having friends was never the easiest thing growing up,
maybe you can relate.

Year after year, through adolescence, I most eagerly put my heart in my palms and held it out for all to know.
And then you discover, year after year,
that nobody knows how to handle the human heart.

We all have one!
Yet that seems to make it more complicated, not less.

Then, come the people who undo the tangles.
They break down the barriers you built over the years
and pour forth sunshine.

Even then, sometimes sunshine comes with rain.

What I have found is, those who say, "I promise" or flattering, loving words are the first to forget what any of it means.
And those who say nothing, promise nothing, but still show up are the ones who endure.

Why do we do this to each other?
We already know what the remedy is... each other!
Give and take.
We make it seem like such a burden, such an undertaking, as if our journey goes beyond the mile.
Not a mile is our journey, but half.

Oh, and life.
Life usually does not make it easier, but harder to try.
Each life walks its own road, winding farther and closer and farther again
to roads once new, now familiar, seldom intersecting.

But the thing about life is,
comparing it to a road is not eternally precise.
Every man is a compilation of his or her preference.

And though burdens once shared seem parlous at first,
the strength of four hands, exceed that of a pair.

♥

Father, thank you that I am so satisfied in You.
All things that happen around or even to me do not define me.
You bring contentment that runs deep.
Though flesh and heart may fail, You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Bless the LORD, oh my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name.

Words.

2011-04-10T23:37:00.006-05:00

Before officially beginning this post, I just want to say THANK. THE LORD.
The first 85˚F day of the year!!!
Sigh. I felt like this day would never come. :)
I just cleared off & plugged in my fan, which has been doubling as a hat rack all winter long. They will probably end up back on there tomorrow, but tomorrow doesn't matter just yet...

Okay, moving on!

Tonight I watched the recent version of "Karate Kid" for the first time and it unexpectedly tied in with what I hoped to blog about tonight!

So, we all know this song:

And... we all know this song:

Let me preface that I realize this can be taken sensitively from my brothers and sisters. But also, I'm assuming the point that I am going to make only goes so far. So here it is:

How are songs like this not written by/for the "Christian Industry"?

"I never thought I could feel this power.
I never thought that I could feel this free.
I'm strong enough to climb the highest tower.
And I'm fast enough to run across the sea."

Why have we failed to be this confident?

"Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky"

Have we forgotten how powerful our words are?

"I gotta be the best, and yes
We're the flyest.
Like David and Goliath,
I conquered the giant.
So now I got the world in my hand,
I was born from two stars
So the moon's where I land.

I will never say never! (I will fight)
I will fight till forever! (make it right)
Whenever you knock me down,
I will not stay on the ground.
Pick it up,(x3)
Pick it up, up, up,
And never say never."

There is so much power in those songs, it is no wonder Katy Perry and Justin Bieber are so established and successful.
I feel like, more often than not, we mistake weakness for humility.
We get so spoiled by the facets of grace and unconditional love that we forget excellence and discipline.
It seems easier to work by the power and might of our own emotions rather than by His Spirit. (Zech. 4:6)
So what do our songs pour forth, but a spirit that sounds like a hurting, helpless victim and not an untouchable warrior?

I don't mean to bash so hard, I promise I am scolding myself more than anyone else here.
It's just that my struggle is with the fact that we seek the God of creativity.
The God of invention; of music and sound!
The God of language and influence.
The God of ability, potential, and will power.
Shouldn't we be tapping into this boundless resource a LOT more?

I hate how much I have lived like I am defeated. I have literally given up things I used to love and slowly struggle to re-train myself in hopes of being excellent at something for a change.

I was made uniquely and to fulfill a unique purpose on this earth.
It's time to start living like it.

Empathetic.

2011-04-09T23:43:00.004-05:00

Woops, almost forgot to blog today!

Hm, I may keep this one short with a question or two.

I was wondering earlier today... is it wrong to care more about the success of others than your own?
Sometimes I feel that way.
Actually, I feel that way a lot of the time.
And trust me, I am not "explana-bragging" (for all you Community fans out there!) nor attempting to build my own pedestal...

It's not that I don't enjoy my own personal success,
but I almost feel healthier and even more alive when I support someone else along the way toward their endeavors.

When I watch my awesomely, creative and talented friends complete a project or establish a career, I am thrilled! Even if they aren't my core, closest, "bestest" friend, if I know them and love their work I will probably be equally as enamored.

Hm, maybe that's my female, natural "helper" wiring showing through. shrugs.
Or is this part of my gifting?
As you all know, I am on the hunt to find my gift and it is only getting closer!
Ha, it has probably been right under my nose all this time.
I can feel God smiling at me right now. (A colon/single parenthesis smiley face isn't sufficient for this sentence.)

Welp, that is all I got for tonight. Though I did think of talking more about relating to Job's life just now, it is nearly midnight so it is going to have to wait.

Til tomorrow then!

(I only WISH I knew Tyler Ward– that would justify my adoration for him! ; D)

More on this song tomorrow too!

Juh-oh-buh!

2011-04-08T10:37:00.004-05:00

Months and months ago, (anywhere from 6-18??) a friend of mine really encouraged me to read the book of Job. (Wow, I move like a snail...) She expressed some confusion and struggle with the image of God displayed through Job's circumstance. Obviously, I could not be of much help at the time since all I could reference was the Sunday School version of his life. Clearly, I am no theologian.

Please keep that in mind as you continue reading... :)

The further in to this book I go, the more I can understand her difficulty. At first I finished chapter 6 today feeling like it all went over my head. So I read it again. Utilizing a Student Bible and some pre-reading prayer gave me a new sense of understanding.

I have read through to chapter 6 at this point. Chapters 4-6 are when the story really begins to move away from the average Sunday School version. I think what made this study initially difficult was trying to read it like I typically read the Bible.

You know... the way we meditate on scripture?
"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want..."
We memorize it. We remind ourselves of it when our faith falters.
We take it as instruction.
I am not sure we can do that with Job...

For example, chapters 4-6 is a conversation held by normal people; not God/man like Jesus, just ordinary folk. Job's buddies are visiting him while he is in this desperate state. Like any of us, his friends try to offer their thoughts as to why Job is in this state. Poor guy.

So Eliphaz steps up to the plate. His thoughts sound relatively sensitive, thought through, even spiritual.

Sometimes I think we grow so used to certain spiritual concepts that we make them logical... does that make sense?

Take 4:7-8 for example,
"Consider now: Who, being innocent, has ever perished? As I have observed, those who plow evil and those who sow trouble reap it."

Eliphaz is assuming based on what he has seen or observed.
Did he acknowledge God before he spoke?
To the point I have read so far, scripture does not say anything about these friends prior to their gathering together.

Eliphaz sort of diagnoses Job's "problem" with religion because why would a loving God let a good man go through such suffering?

That question has never ceased to be asked by man, in every generation since, I am sure.

To try and tie this up rather swiftly, I will proceed with two verses that came to mind as I wrote:

"That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever."
-2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (NLT)

and

"For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places."
-Ephesians 6:12 (NLT)

Job understood what his friends did not- that God is God regardless of what he did not see and struggled to comprehend with his mind. He practiced treating God with true lordship. Though all this pain and suffering came upon him, he knew his place before the God of the universe and would not for one second curse his Master and Creator. He even had the boldness to correct Eliphaz in chapter 6 and challenged Eliphaz to think, just think about who he is...

“But now be so kind as to look at me.
Would I lie to your face?
Relent, do not be unjust;
reconsider, for my integrity is at stake.
Is there any wickedness on my lips?
Can my mouth not discern malice?"

Terrible how easy it is to do the opposite, isn't it?
How comfortably I point my finger at God with frustration,
how swiftly I puff myself up. In my anger, suddenly, I become lord over my circumstances.

But He is Lord, my friends. He is LORD,
and He can injure us or heal us for His glory's sake...
because He is the one, true God.

Yeah, that is somewhat a scary thought that makes you feel like you have lost control. However, the more you learn about who this God is, the less scared you become because you know He is for you and not against you. He is all knowing, all wisdom, and unconditionally loving. Even beyond your ability to receive love, He loves you still.

Efficacious.

2011-04-07T23:57:00.002-05:00

So many topics to process today, I am not even sure how to start!

I think over all, each topic kind of relates in terms of one main hope I have.
I hope we can finally get to the meat of our pursuits!

More reading on the system of charity and I cannot help but wonder, will we ever be able to incentivize employees and minimize corruption enough to actually eradicate hunger, homelessness, poverty, and at least the already curable diseases?
This book is all about how the system of charity is ineffective and how they should have the same system as for-profits in order to gain the results we all seem to want- resolved world issues.
That is what we want, is it not?
Or do we support causes for the sake of comforting our own conscience?
If a charity never closes its doors as a result of meeting the need, we probably would not notice, would we?

Oooooh, I promise I am not making any accusations!!
Simply thinking aloud...
So I am going to take that thought further...
If we really, truly, passionately cared about resolving an issue in the world, would our resolve be to donate money or would it look like some way else?

I know an Indian woman residing in the U.S. when she learned about the sex trafficking industry. One day, she told her husband, "I'm moving back to India and helping these girls!" At first he sort of laughed it off. Until he realized she would go whether he came with her or not! Fortunately he could continue his career from India so now there they are... running a safe house in one of the nations where human trafficking is most vibrant.

I like to think I write rather bravely... perhaps preparing my mind is moving me forward toward better action.
What I am trying to say is- I am preaching to myself.

That was another thought process today- I, ME, MYSELF.
Writing a blog everyday makes me feel overwhelmed with how many times a day, or per post, I use the word "I" or any first person possessive pronouns scattered into the paragraphs. This thought was totally drilled in deeper today when I listened to a podcast by Andy Stanley called "Balanced: Developing a Plan."

This sermon brought me back to conversations about stewardship I had with friends recently. Along with it, Luke 16:10-12,

"Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else's property, who will give you property of your own?"

Again, one of those passages I wish we did not edit out so often! I am sure we have all heard the first thirteen words at some point. But the last half of that sentence really drives home the point! And I do not know why Sunday school teachers and parents omit from teaching verse 12 to their children because SHOOT, that verse is so striking for a son or daughter whether they have left the nest or not!

At one point Andy Stanley said something like this: "God's saying the battle isn't even between Him and Satan! Your servitude is either to God or Money!

If I am unable to manage the responsibility of tangible things, I am not yet fit to pour my life into being a leader of Kingdom responsibilities.

Which leads me to the third big thought of the day... the Gospel of the Kingdom.

Another sermon listened to today... and I am still trying to digest it.
But it was interesting and definitely worth listening to again for further ponderation.
He made so many good statements I am not sure how to narrow it...

"We do not worship Paul, but Jesus....
Always study scripture in context. What is context? Pre-text, post-text, and text...
Jesus didn't go around preaching Himself! Jesus is not the Gospel! The Kingdom is the Gospel..."

He totally took an ax to the base of the Christian "system" without moving away from scripture or manipulating it to reach his angle.
Needless to say, it is transforming the way I believe what I believe and how I will go about preaching it.

PHEW! Blogging is good for a brain's digestive system.
Ew, I just realized how gross that metaphor is.
Haha, whatever.

Final note- here is the cause I came across today. I am not well researched on the issues of Congo, but this was an interesting introduction and here is a song related to the same cause:

Thanks for reading!

Striving?

2011-04-06T21:02:00.003-05:00

Man, I am so tired today, it was a battle to get myself to write something.
Today is one of those early nights in...

What a weird day...
I do not like days like this,
I have seen many of them over the last 10 months.

I will have a really great peaceful week, month, or even just a few days...
Finally, I gain a sense of sanity in this insecure season... like riding a roller coaster when it reaches the top.
There is a pause- just long enough to take in a breath and a glimpse of the vast horizon before-
Click, click, click... WOOSH!

I have to go running tomorrow.
It is my fault I get this stressed and I know it.
Every time I turn in job applications I get stressed like this.
Whether I applied to a large corporation or a store in a shopping center.
I become such a slave to my potential employer internally.
Suddenly my sense of worth has shifted palms as I retract my self-esteem from the Lord's hands to someone else's.

LORD, renew my mind...
I put so much hope in man even when I do not mean to or want to.
Rewire my inward being to know You as my Provider so much so that I do not worry who studies my "qualifications."
My worth has always come from You, not my résumé.
Your provisions are timely.
Your timing, perfect.

In Jesus' Name,
Amen.

Not sure why I make myself stay up when I'm tired early, but I suppose finding this video made it worthwhile!

Forgetting.

2011-04-05T18:01:00.003-05:00

"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
-Philippians 3:13-14

On the drive home this afternoon, I heard Dr. Tony Evans elaborate on this verse with a thought like this:

Paul had to forget his murderous past to become an apostle; to write 13 books of the New Testament!

The timing of his sermon today was funny (in a "coincidental" kind of way, if you know what I mean ;D ). I woke up this morning to a dream about two things from my past that I love deeply. Well, two places is more accurate to say. It was kind of a sad way to wake up because I was suddenly starting this beautiful day with longing, sadness, confusion, and some regret as I sat in bed mulling over the past.

Sometimes forgetting is a blessing.
I do not mean that we should lose sight of everything and everywhere we have been before, but they need to be left in their proper place- behind.

What is ahead of us is GREATER than what is behind.

I know I keep quoting this book, but I really can't help it! Haha:
"God never remains impressed at what you have accomplished. God is concerned that you are celebrating history so much that you do not have a future."
-In Charge, Dr. Myles Munroe

I just want to lose sight of this sadness.
I want to lose all sense of the control that runs through my veins when I think of my permanently fixed past.
I just want to forget so I can move forward.

Peacemakers.

2011-04-04T23:02:00.002-05:00

Just finished watching Spider-Man 3... haven't seen that movie in quite a while!

I love the message this story portrays about revenge and how the desire for it can take over you and cause you to lose yourself in the process. We all have a choice to do what is right or what is not. We can choose to forgive those who wrong us or enter into the deep spiral of bitterness and the domino effect that takes place from our actions or words.

It was hard to see Topher Grace's character, Eddie Brock, fall into the confusion of what the "venom" offered him- a sense of power and pride. Yet he did not recognize what Spider-Man was trying to tell him: "You'll lose yourself."

This reminds me of some thoughts I have been tossing around over the last several months- reconciliation and forgiveness. What does it mean to be a peacemaker to someone who's wronged you?

My current philosophy is this: to be at peace with someone does not necessarily mean rebuilding what was lost. Sometimes it means communicating a mutual forgiveness and release of what was and moving forward in your own separate lives.

Do you agree or disagree?
I am not 100% sold on this theory just yet and would be curious to hear what you think being a peacemaker means!

Potential.

2011-04-03T19:06:00.006-05:00

That word seems to be surrounding my thoughts as of late.

...Sorry, I will not be able to continue in complete thoughts until this song is done playing:

Hehe though I wouldn't say what she says verbatim, this song sure gives some sense of release :D

Ahem.... Potential.

The books I am currently reading- In Charge and Uncharitable -scream this word between every line. One, the potential of every person on this planet and just how much of our potential we take to the grave if we neglect to pursue it in life. The second, how the world of charity exists within a system that actually works against itself and does not live up to its true capabilities.

"True Leadership is not a product of a course of study, but a course in self-discovery."

I know people twice, almost three times, my age still trying to find themselves.
I don't want to wait. (♩ ♪ for our lives to be over... ♩ ♪)

; )
Annnyyyywayyyy....

"God has a plan for you, and He already gave you the potential to fulfill it. He gave you what it takes to claim your leadership spot. He built the capacity into you. He has high expectations for you, so He gave you the ability to carry them out. He designed you for leadership."

Nor do I want to wait for my industry to catch up with the ambitions of my generation.

"Thus, the term "nonprofit" means, literally, nonprogress... It apologizes for itself before it begins. It seems to understand only what it is against and is rudderless with respect to what it is for. It is from this starting position that we attempt to transform society or, put more accurately, do not attempt it, under the false impression that we do...

So we have to ask ourselves, Why do things seem to stay pretty much the same? Why have our cancer charities not found a cure for cancer? Why have our homeless shelters not solved the problem of homelessness? Why do children still go hungry on the streets of America? Why have the pictures of starving children in Africa not changed in five decades? Why, in this age of incredible affluence, do we seem unable to close the gaps that divide those who live in comfort and those who suffer?"

We are all capable of meeting a need in our world. The question is, will we?
I doubt we even recognize how much we are capable of.

"...you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings."
-Isaiah 58:12b

Distracted.

2011-04-02T10:07:00.004-05:00

"Don't let what God has called you to do distract you from what God has called you to do." (Part 1)

Words I never heard anyone utter.

When I first started listening to this podcast, I assumed in my mind that Brian Houston would be preaching about how our work can distract us from loving people. Makes sense, doesn't it? God made us to love Him and to love people!

Then Houston takes the message in a whole different direction: sometimes people can distract you from your purpose. Sometimes their opinions can hinder you from growing into your calling.

WHAT?!

"So if you're going to follow Jesus that means your life is going to be going somewhere. And if your life is going somewhere, I will guarantee it, not everybody around you is going to like it. And we're all about the people around us! Everything that we are alive for, everything that you save for relates to the people around us. But you can't let the people around you distract you from reaching the people around you."

Wow. He just called my bluff.

In my top 5 themes of StrengthsFinder , is a theme called, "Harmony." That means I seek to be at peace with everyone. Now, I do not always consider myself a people pleaser, but when it comes to key people, I am.

Funny how this ties in with yesterday's post.
Over the last 10 months I think God has been showing me a bit of why I have struggled to launch into adult life.

I listen to everybody I trust!
Seeking counsel is not wholly a bad thing (Proverbs 11:14).
But (and here's the tie in), my advisors do not have equal or greater sovereignty in my life over the Lord and His Spirit.

All this time I would go to my parents and they would say one thing. Then I go to my best friends and they say another. My mentor will say another. My sister and brother will give me polar opposite opinions from each other.

Everyone has something different to say! But I know, deep down, when I am truly honest with myself, what is being spoken into my heart. Some people said similar things & others did not.
It is the standing up for "myself" that has proven to be the problem.

Do you know your purpose?
Do you know what God has called you to do?
What is the gift God gave you to serve to the world?

These questions have been haunting me through this season.

I am confident that I am called to make an impact for the kingdom of God.
But I feel like a slug trying to get there when I have no idea which way is up.
Like being caught up in the tumble of a wave- dizzy, yet moving, not because I am moving myself but because the opinions of those around me swept me up into motion.

It needs to stop. It has to stop. Today.
I cannot keep living for others or I will never truly live for my Heavenly Father.
All I've been doing is walking, only to realize I've been walking on a treadmill the entire time!
Never truly arriving.

I throw off the opinion of man and run to God, my Refuge and Strength.
My ever-present Help.
The Lord of my life...

If He is truly Lord, what will I do differently today?

Job.

2011-04-01T17:31:00.002-05:00

Today I started reading the book of Job. Honestly, I cannot remember if or when I really dove in to study this book of the Bible so I am very curious as to how this journey will go.

The first chapter alone is so powerful, I have to let the story line marinate in my soul.

Job was the wealthiest man in his region. His family lacked nothing...
Suddenly, he seemed to lack everything- his wealth was stolen, his children died beneath a collapsed home.
Tragedy is the best word I can think of to describe this, utter tragedy!

What I stand in awe of is the wisdom Job displayed in verse 21. He said:

"Naked I came from my mother's womb and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away,
may the name of the LORD be praised."

Would that be your first reaction? Psh, I know that has not been my response to life circumstances and I have experienced nothing even comparable to Job's!

I think a lot of us are familiar with the statement, "The LORD gives and takes away."
I wish it was not edited that way.
So much is being said in the first half!

"Naked I came from my mother's womb and naked I will depart."

...

"Naked I came from my mother's womb and naked I will depart."

Job recognized that he was created and born into the world without anything- his home, wealth, even his family. Though he was living "the dream" full of material wealth, he could still separate out what was lasting and what was temporary.

It is not that he did not grieve- the man shaved his head and tore his clothes!
Yet he controlled himself with the knowledge of who God is- His sovereignty, His knowledge, and His steadfastness.

All the things I hold on to so tightly are the things that Job lost. It makes me recognize how much I have made my family my foundation to stand on. My possessions, I cling to them and never wish them away. In my lust, I only seek after more.

But what are they? What is their actual value?
Please do not hear me incorrectly, I absolutely love my family more than words can describe.
However, they are not worthy of the same sovereignty that God is worthy of in my life.
Though, much too often, I give them and others the authority that solely belongs to Christ.

God, you are so good. I can already sense change coming into my heart. Be Sovereign God of my heart, of my life.
You deserve all glory and praise.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.

Inspiration|Procrastination.

2011-03-31T22:31:00.006-05:00

Where does inspiration come from?

I mean, I wish I blogged more. I wish I wrote songs more often. I wish I played piano and guitar more...

Is it the lack of inspiration or motivation?
If only a formula could be found.
Surely it is some sort of mixture of the two added to a few cups of discipline...

The things I believe to love... are they really my passion? If they are, shouldn't I be addicted to each activity? How much of doing something you love comes from passion and how much of it comes from plain old discipline?

Some people find one thing, one skill set, and pursue it until they know every inch and detail.
While people like me are drawn to many things but can never quite stay focused on anything.

Though I agree with what this says, I constantly get caught in a tangle of what to start pursuing first and whether it is the best thing I should pursue.

Wow, I think I just diagnosed my problem: over-analyzing.
And how did I come to this sudden moment of resolve? By writing. Even though I felt no inspiration.

I know this post doesn't seem like much, even I am surprised at how much focus I seem to be getting all of a sudden!

New Goal: one blog post every day. It can be long, short, deep, shallow, fun or serious, just as long as I discipline myself to do this. Oof, I am getting nervous now that this new goal is posted into cyber space!!

Graciously.

2010-11-09T23:00:00.003-06:00

So often I find myself singing Chris McClarney's "Your Love is Everything"

Ah, love it. <3

As you have or will hear, there is this one line that always stops me in my tracks:
"I will not forget, I won't forget Your promises."

Let me just be straight with all you blogosphere folks: I have been seeking after God, the Father of Jesus Christ my Savior for the vast majority of my life. Yet, I am CONSTANTLY forgetting God's promises! It's terrible. But such evidence that I live fully by God's constant grace. This ain't religion, that's for sure... if that were the case, I would've stopped messin' with this stuff a looong time ago!

Anyway, all that said because I'm trying to remind myself of God's promises more & more lately in hopes of strengthening my constant doubting and distrust of God's character.

Romans 8:32 will forever astound me.
"He who did not spare his own son, but gave him up for us all- how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?"

AH! So often I freak out about not having a paycheck, not knowing my life plan, not being like this person or having a relationship with that person or that I should have it all together like everybody expects!
So funny how we put such expectations on each other though we ourselves have not fully attained it and never will.

I put my hope & weight on all the things that are not promising; not faithful; UNcertain. As though they are so valuable compared to what I have already been given!

God. Gave His Son-the BEST THING HE COULD POSSIBLY GIVE!- for me. The God of heaven gave Him up for an unfaithful, selfish, prideful, stubborn, stupid, sinful, forgetful, idolater of a girl!

AAANNNND!

He's ready to throw in my every need on top of it.
WHY?!?!!?!!!?!!!??!
Oh, ya know... just cuz He loves me.
He loves me even though I forget him every day.

He loves me even though I constantly insist on having my own way.

He loves me even when I yell at Him in anger.

He loves me through all my whining.

He loves me even when I blame Him for my problems.

He loves me when I don't actually trust Him to deliver.

He loves me... though I shove these doubts, anger, and distrust in His face on a daily basis.

Now that is love.
That is the love all of our hearts search for.
It's so obvious... Just look at the love songs we write.
Hopeful longings for love to be fulfilled.
Aching wounds from short-lived love.
Always searching; wondering, who will love me for who I am, flaws and all?

Our hearts are calling out to the One who first gave us a heartbeat. We were made to love Him. We were made to be loved by Him.

Graciously, God loves. He has no reason to love us at all, but He loves us graciously to top it all off!

Graciously: showing divine grace- unmerited favor with no price tag, no hidden fees.

Wow. That will astound me the rest of my life & forevermore. Grace.

{Unpacking.}

2010-10-15T10:09:00.005-05:00

Time to confess: for roughly the first month home, I lived out of my suitcase.

Seriously, I wouldn't unpack.

Sounds ridiculous, but subconsciously, I denied the idea of staying home for any amount of time that required unpacking. I felt this momentum from college and had no intention of losing air. Little did I recognize that a series of "small" decisions amounted to a rough landing into the place I was determined not to go.

Nothing is actually wrong with home, I love home!
But the comfort of home is what worried me. I would call it fear of laziness.

And maybe, fear of acknowledging the past.

It felt like going backward because I am not the same person that moved out of this place 4 years ago.
But it is not like she has completely disappeared either.

When I finally gave in to emptying my luggage, I also began cleaning house. I sorted through old stuff that stuck around through the years: journal entries, pictures, e-mails, documents, awards, music, childhood jewelry, clothes, and notes passed around through high school.

It reminds me of years that were savored down to the last minute. Years where every day was lived fully. Awkward years. Years I would feel too embarrassed to share with anyone. Is it just me, or is it inevitable to look back and think, "I was SUCH a dork!"

But looking back, while bringing my "new" self home, has been the perfect mixture to preserving who I truly am at this point in time. Some significant parts of me were forgotten while I was away. I was free enough to show some of my cards, but never truly free to show them all. Now that I have had to marinate in home life, I am just praying that I will be free to show all my cards wherever I end up next.

Wherever I end up next...

That's where I feel a bit like an oddball. A lot of people have been asking if I plan to stay here. When I ask myself the same question, the answer is so obvious. To stay here is just not me. It would feel too much like living in the past. While I've watched most of my friends settle here all over again or keep their roots in college town, I am wondering which pond is next in line to hop.

At first I hoped to settle somewhere I already had roots in.
Have some sense of normalcy for a while. Prove that I can handle more responsibilities.
But this force I have had all my life has kept me from really following through with normal.
It has become especially unruly without a school system containing it.
"This force" is hard to describe. Deep down, there is this magnetic pull type feeling towards something extraordinary.

Don't get me wrong, there are extraordinary aspects of doing "normal" things.
Realistically, settling down somewhere isn't exactly the season I am in.
As comforting as that would be, trying to develop something outside its season would be unfruitful.

Vast land sits in front of me. Unbroken ground waiting to be traveled on.
Travel lightly. Leave everything behind. What really needs to be carried is everything inside.
Its lush green pastures invite me to come. walk. see what's beyond the hillside.

I think I will...

Just found this song today... fits right in:

"Give Thanks with a Grateful Heart..."

2010-09-13T14:56:00.004-05:00

Over the past week I have been fortunate to witness a couple very significant events. One being the 25th wedding anniversary of Joe & Nancy. The other, the funeral of Mr. Rich.

Both brought me back into the presence of people from my past- the Praise Fellowship crew! I doubt that I can fully relay what it was like to grow up with a place like Praise Fellowship Church (PFC) in my life. But for the time being, let's just say this group is like an extra appendage on my family tree. I have yet to find something quite like it.

It was such an honor to witness these events, though much emotion came along with them. All in all, they both molded my heart into a more grateful one.

At both of these events I watched men and women stand before a microphone to speak about more than anything this world contains. Instead of simply praising the couple for staying together or mourning the loss of a great man, they gave all glory to God & placed Him first even though this was about particular people.

Even though all the focus could have been on them, they could not help but point it all back to Jesus and humbly say, "How Great Thou Art."

I was especially impacted to hear the friends of Joe & Nancy speak. They told stories, but at one point somebody started to prophesy over their lives. In that moment the presence of the Lord seemed to coagulate through the entire room. My eyes widened at the experience of seeing people of my parents' generation still practicing the manifest presence of God in their friendships. I had always been afraid that that sort of charismatic culture would dwindle away from my life after college, but observing that gave me hope. It was a reminder that those things only disappear if I choose not to practice them regularly.

At the wake and memorial service, I reflected back on how I remember Rich as a kid. He was a pretty quiet, yet joyful man. Though I did not know him to the same capacity as others, the impact he had on my life is more tremendous than even I anticipated!

It is amazing what one person's life does for so many others.

I am not sure how else to pull all of this together except by saying: thank you.
To Mary and Rich, Joe and Nancy, Cindy and Gary, Kim and Denny, Don and Ginny, Kelly, Tim, Sarah, Angela, and all the rest of my Praise Fellowship family:

Thank you for choosing the Lord Jesus Christ first.
For raising your children to love and serve Him first.
For treating your spiritual family like they truly are family.
And for just showing up and being present in my life.

Being raised in an environment where I was surrounded by people, of course including my parents, who seek to be like Christ really set the foundation for my life.
We didn't even need to be inside the church for God's presence to be relayed through your character.

I am so all-around healthy today because great people trained me up and walked me through my childhood. And I will never, ever, part from it.

I love you all so very, very much.
Thank you.

To anyone else reading this, all I can say is: live for Jesus. It's the only thing that makes a real difference.

The Reality of a Dreamer.

2010-09-09T12:45:00.003-05:00

So I have been thinking about how I need to write a current day response to my last blog ever since... well, since I posted it!

Trying to wrap my head around how I think now has certainly revealed just how much life has changed me.
One could say my feet have left the ledge while simultaneously staying planted on solid ground.

It is not like I can pretend to have decades upon decades under my belt, but here is what I have found.

I answer the question, "What's your biggest dream?" in a very different way than I did 5 years ago.

Or maybe it is just that I answer this question with less loftiness and more sincerity. Hmm...

What has stayed the same?
My desire to impact the world- the entire world.
The call to ministry- to make Jesus Christ known through everything I am, say, and do.

I used to want to approach this through more direct means: singing, working in a church, etc. But as I shyly attempt to squirm my way into adulthood, I keep asking God for wisdom.
(How else could I survive this transition?)

Naturally, the Lord has delivered... cuz He always lives up to His promises! (James 1:5)
And of course, He goes straight for the things I always thought had nothing to do with me!
(Does that happen to you? I think God gets a kick out of it!)

For the longest time, I expected impacting the world for Jesus would mean traveling non-stop. There is no way I could consider meeting someone or starting a family anytime soon! HELLOOOO!

I am tryiiing to change the world here, people!!

2 things I have always put on a pedestal:
-World travel.
-Being a career woman.

But the World Race attempt, college graduation, and unemployment have all been tools God has used to sit me down.
And to stay.
Real still.
Then, when anxiety overcomes me it's like He picks me up and shakes it out of me- just what I need.
(Yeah, God & I have a really funny/strange relationship, it's great lol)

"Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud," (thank you, Cummings):

You ready for it?

If we want to make a TREMENDOUS impact on this world...
...it has to start in the home.

There is nothing more set apart, more impactful, more rich, than a family that:
-loves the Lord deeply.
-love each other deeply as a result.
-raise children with higher standards even if it seems uncool.
-remain faithful to one another.
-can love on their friends and community because of their unity.

THAT is something the world rarely sees. It is truly a diamond in the rough.

A natural response to this would be, "Good for you, Sarah, but in case you forgot: you're single! And when you're waiting on the Lord, you can't really do much about that!"

I object.

I think the biggest lie single people (men AND women) believe is that we have not yet arrived until we have found someone.
OR,
That our high impact, adventurous lives end once we have said, "I do."

Proverbs 31 describes a wife of noble character. Verse 12 says, "She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life."
ALL the days of her life.
Not, after she marries him. Nor is it once they have started dating.

It is every day. All my life. Before God presents me with a bow on top and after.
There is PLENTY for me to do right now!
And it's gonna make the rest of my life a heck of a lot easier than if I cram it into post-marriage season.

I am not trading in my dreams of travel, music, and a career for this. It is just that the Lord has helped me configure things into their rightful place. Some things do not matter to me as much any more, while others have found a more balanced place on my priority list.

And it is not that I seek these things because of some distant vision I have of the man of my dreams.
It is for the First Love of my life - My Maker, My Husband (Is. 54:5).
He will still be first even when I find an earthly husband -then I can make 'em both happy! ;D

She seeks wisdom. She walks fearlessly. She is an investor & wise with her money. Trustworthy, joyful, and diligent. She is creative and virtuous.

All of these are things any woman- young or old- can do in any season of her life.

To be this kind of woman...
... that would be my biggest dream.

Woww...

2010-07-20T16:41:00.003-05:00

Upon returning to my parents' house for "post-graduation transition time," I've been cleaning up my bedroom & came across an old narrative from high school composition class. This narrative is about 5 years old, but it is absolutely crazy to read back and see certain consistencies regarding my purpose. If you've somewhat kept up with my blogs, you'll see what I mean.

It's pretty funny to notice my juvenility in this, but I suppose I can accept it. lol

Here goes:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a perfect night in March. School was manageable, life was social; everything seemed pretty relaxed after a grueling school year and I was soaking up a fun night.

I had just arrived to a bonfire after spending the evening at a luau when I saw Ben peering hard through the darkness. I hardly recognized him at first, but after he waved I went to meet him. I had previously invited him to come after the luau finished up and was slightly surprised that he actually came (he really didn't know many people).

The night was cold, yet everyone's spirit of happiness kept each other warm. A few of us marched down the dark path of the forest in search of nothing in particular except to enjoy each others' company. The ground began to crunch under our feet as we stepped upon the glowing white gravel. But, our journey fell apart fast and we headed back up to join everyone else at the fire. Our group quickly scattered leaving Ben and I at a quiet spot in the outskirts of the bonfire.

The simpler conversations from that night have long drifted from my memory. We asked each other many random questions, but there was only one that dug itself deep into my mind... it might have even seeped down to my heart.

"What's your biggest dream?" Ben asked me as he gazed up at the radiating clouds in the moonlight.

Unprepared to answer this question, my mouth stammered a few "uhs" and "ums" as my brain ran through the files to find my folder full of dreams. I hastily chose the dream in my mind that I had had almost my whole life.

"I want to be a Christian recording artist like Darlene Zscech because she's so real about her faith and doesn't change who she is for the media." I asked him the same question and soon after came the response that rekindled an old flame deep within my heart of hearts.

"I want to build a church in Colorado and have a summer camp there. I'm not really into the whole media thing so there wouldn't be TVs or anything. We'd live there with other couples and just live life more simply."

His usage of "we" rapidly jumped out to my attention. My mind started churning up questions to ask him for more clarity since "we" were simply friends, but I quickly shoved them away -- there were more important things on my mind.

As the rest of the night rolled on, the crisp, cold air began to pierce my coat. And yet the thoughts went reeling through my brain; relentlessly pressing on towards a resolved conclusion. There's no other dialogue I remember from that night except saying good-bye to everyone as we left for home.

Heading straight to my room, I plunged into my dresser drawers pulling out clothes and plopping them on my bed. Immediately after, I pulled open my closet and yanked the light bulb to life. The feeling in my heart was unbelievable! It was like my heart had sprouted wings and began to flutter through the air expressing its freedom from an anchor of selfishness. Finally, it hit me. My heart was at last convicted of this addiction I had been stuck on for so long.

I began disbursing my clothes, easily pulling out the items I knew I didn't need. The thought of someone in great need wearing these unnecessary clothes of mine overrode thoughts of selfishness battling inside my conscience. I was finally, honestly ready to try and live a simpler life.

After dumping my extra clothes into a laundry basket, I shut the door and bounced into my bed. I pulled out a sheet of paper and began doodling out the words in a bold title,
"What's your biggest dream?"
Unsorted questions and feelings zoomed through my head like cars speeding through the highway. My prayers spat out of my mouth for clarity and wisdom; when the last word came, my insides began to take in a deep breath.

The words streamed out of my pen as my paper came in contact with the ink. The wonderment in my mind was answered by the words on my paper. I dug deep into my heart, trying to figure out my heart's desire and what had changed since I had put material possessions in front of the things my Designer created me to treasure. I came to realize that having a recording contract isn't what I long for.

I don't need lights and I don't need fame.

I want to help people change for Good. I need to see the love of Christ enter others' hearts and soak into their lives as it has in mine. It's like I had been spending over fifteen hours a week at church investing in peoples' lives without even recognizing that I feed off of seeing the effects. Not my effects, of course, but of the One who uses my life for others. The one word to sum it all up finally smacked into the windshield of my brain.

Ministry.

"THAT'S IT!" My heart was screaming at my brain by this point and it finally seemed to get the message. That's it. All I want to do is see the glimmer in someone's eyes after continuously searching for something stable in their life. A job that doesn't seem too rewarding in annual salaries, but reaps so much more than man could ever sow.

How glorious it was to discover my purpose and know what to strive for in my life. This experience has turned all my natural thoughts around one hundred and eighty degrees. All in one night; because of one question:

"What is your biggest dream?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hahaa :) So there it is. Stay tuned for part 2... a present day response?

FLAKE.

2010-06-16T14:57:00.004-05:00

That's the name I keep calling myself inside.

Or so I think.

It is likely I am hearing that liar's attempt to condemn me.

But I am not condemned.
There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.

"Flake," has been running through my mind for several months.
So much has changed since December.
I signed up to go on The World Race.
Started raising support.
I'm not going anymore.

I signed up for the Every Nation School of Ministry.
Told everyone. Constantly.
It's even on the my University website.
I pulled out 2 days before the start.

So here I am now, sitting in my lazy-boy, writing a blog.

Why?
Why didn't I stick with at least ONE of these things??

I just couldn't.

Not because The World Race wouldn't have been an amazing, adventurous experience.
Not because the School of Ministry wouldn't have given me greater insight.

Only because I never had peace.

It's easy to fabricate confidence,
but you can't devise peace.

A couple blog posts down, I was proud enough to say, "As a matter of fact, I DO know what I'm doing after college!"

Oh, how pride comes before the fall.

That's really all I was after: having a post-college plan. The more exciting and adventurous sounding, the better.
It sounded so sacrificial to live out of a backpack for 11 months to tell 11 countries about Jesus being alive.
I tried to be propitiatory to God and my peers to take ministry training over a summer job or any job for that matter.

But, "obedience is better than sacrifice." (1 Sam. 15:22, NLT)

What IS more pleasing to the LORD? Sacrifice or obedience to His voice?

Obedience.

Obedience, obedience, obedience.

I kept asking the Lord, "What should I do? Where should I go? Whom should I work for?"

"Intimacy..." is His first request.

"Okay," I thought, "that must mean a mission trip... that must mean ministry school."

Silence. (Not peace.)

Not a mission trip. Not ministry school. Just intimacy.

I've been running from the mundane; too insecure to tell people I don't know what is coming next.
Too anxious to trust or wait on the Lord.

Why do we insist on asking each other for 5 year plans?
No one can possibly hold a blueprint of his or her life in their hands.

I know in part what I am made to do, but it cannot begin until I have laid more groundwork of deeper intimacy with God one-on-one. Structured organizations or weekly meetings can't keep feeding me. I'm a big girl now.

None of these things are bad-
some people are called to The World Race, others to ministry school.
Being in church every week is necessary for fellowship's sake.

But it cannot replace the unique love relationship I alone have with the world's Savior.

As He has already prepared good works for me to do, He also has to prepare me to be a good steward of my ministry- whether that is in literal ministry, a career, or my family.

He's so faithful. Faithful enough to chase me down & poke at my spirit until I realize I'm headed the wrong way.
Faithful enough to love and lead me to everything HE hopes and dreams for my life.
A dream that is exceedingly and abundantly more than I have ever asked for or imagined.

Singing this song is so refreshing to my spirit. It is an opportunity to testify and praise the Lord for all He is teaching me:

Morning by morning I wake up to find
The power and comfort of God’s hand in mine
Season by season I watch Him, amazed
In awe of the mystery of His perfect ways
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful to me.

I can’t remember a trial or a pain
He did not recycle to bring me gain
I can’t remember one single regret
In serving God only, and trusting His hand
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful to me.

This is my anthem, this is my song
The theme of the stories I’ve heard for so long
God has been faithful, He will be again
His loving compassion, it knows no end
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful, He’s always been faithful
He’s always been faithful to me.

~"Always Been Faithful," Sara Groves.

Praise the Lord, O my soul. All that is within me PRAISE His holy name. :)

"Though Chains Be of Gold, They Are Chains All The Same."

2009-12-31T17:54:00.004-06:00

Well 2009, you have been quite the year.

This year has probably been the most the most difficult, humbling refining, and fulfilling year of my entire life.

Sigh.

When I say fulfilling, I do not actually mean I have been content or satisfied all year. In fact, there have been many seasons of discontent and constant hunger.

But somewhere, in all the failure, the searching and the discontent, I have been fulfilled because I sought. Everything I strived for was worth working toward even if I never saw it come to fruition like I thought it should. At least I put up a fight. And that fight has made me a stronger person whom I have never known before.

Yes, I grew up in a Christian home with godly parents, but...

I feel like I have finally started living this year.

My eyes have been opened to so many things, both good and bad. Many I have never had to face before but it has forced me to not just know my convictions, but to stand up on them in my actions as well.

Most significantly, God has begun to reveal just how significant we are as humans. He has given us an abundant source of magnificent power!! Yet there is such a scarcity of His followers that live life with this understanding on a daily basis! We have not truly lived! We do not fully know God if we do not know and see His power dominate our lives! YES, it will be tangible! Yes, it will change the way you live and every life you touch!

I feel like I've found a leak in a dam and the entire wall is about to break!

This discovery is so timely as I prepare to go on The World Race. Living in a tent for a year, on a mat, on $3 of food a day in poverty stricken countries where I am susceptible to all kinds of risky situations sounds illogical for a girl like me– the youngest child from a tight knit family living in a great neighborhood who likes her nice clothes and pretty accessories.

I have motivation to make something of myself... graduate school, entrepreneurship, and becoming a professor.

But I first have motivation to make something of myself: to be a woman of God (as He defines it), a servant, a life-changer; a sister, mother, and friend to those who live without. I want my hand to be the one an orphan holds. I want to embrace the prostitute who has forgotten her worth as she's sold every 30 minutes. I want them to know [they. are. loved.] because no one has ever told them so.

My wounds, healed by Christ, have made me strong enough to bring healing to those looking for the Healer.

My comfortable bed, nice clothes, and fine jewelry aren't worth keeping if it costs me the real life I was made for.

So here's to 2010: the year that dam finally breaks and God's power gushes out through my life. The year I joyfully walk away from the stuff I used to care about.

Though chains be of gold, they are chains all the same.

As a Matter of Fact, I DO Know What I'm Doing After College!

2009-12-11T12:34:00.004-06:00

Many of you have heard about the calling God just recently placed in my life over the last couple weeks. In case you haven't, let me tell you now. I've just been accepted into the World Race July team with Adventures in Missions. Please read the press release about the January team below and ask God how you can walk alongside me in this next step of faith!

----------------------------------------

GAINESVILLE, Ga., Nov. 23 -- Over 100 men and women ages 21-35, compelled by issues of social justice and simple living, are leaving the comfort of their homes and possessions in January of 2010 to travel 11 to countries in 11 months, sharing the hope of Jesus Christ as they go.

The group is called the World Race and was first conceived by Seth Barnes, founder and executive director of Adventures In Missions, in 2006. He designed a trip that would remove young people from their comfortable lifestyles for a year--to see the developing world and be transformed by what they saw. The first team consisted of 14 people. Since then, AIM has sent 92 teams consisting of over 630 men and women on 12 different trips around the world and visiting over 64 countries.

"While I am excited to observe a medley of people this next year throughout the world, I am more excited to love, serve, and care for the people that God will place in my life," says Hannah Vitkus of Nashville, Tennessee, who is looking forward to leaving in January. "Be it an orphan, a prostitute, the homeless, a college student or an older family--with your help, I am able to do this--to be the hands and feet, to go, to love, to serve."

"I expect to be ripped from my comfort zone on this trip. I expect to see Christ move in unimaginable ways. I expect to have the experience of a lifetime. I expect to never be the same," says Jesse Walsh of Birmingham, Alabama who is also leaving in January. "But most of all, I expect to not have my expectations met and in turn, be given something I could have never even known to expect."

Each World Race team relies on the hospitality and generosity of strangers--whether this means living in a tent in a farmer's field, staying in an urban shanty or enjoying the rare comfort of a warm bed. Through their experiences, World Racers learn to depend on each other. They also learn to care more and live with less. It's a journey of self-discovery and worldview--a chance to explore life in a whole new way.

"I'm leaving behind the woman I thought I have always wanted to be, to become the woman God intended me to be... which is someone I never had the guts to be," shares Michelle Euperio from Mesquite, Texas, who is also a part of the World Race in January 2010.

"Many people look at the World Race and get the wrong idea," says Barnes. "They think it's about young people seeing the world. The reality is that, while young people often sign up because of the adventures they know they'll have and the worldview that a year of global travel will give them, it's really an initiation experience. On the World Race you learn about what God is doing on the earth and how to join Him in it."

For more information on the World Race visit www.theworldrace.org.

World Race participants and staff are available for interviews and speaking engagements upon request.

Adventures In Missions (AIM) is an interdenominational missions organization that focuses on discipleship. They emphasize prayer and relationships in their work amongst the poor. Since being established in 1989, AIM has taken over 80,000 people into the mission field, some for as short as a week and others for as long as a year or longer. Through 14 bases around the world, AIM has year-round ministry to places where "the least of these" are found. AIM believes that by giving people the opportunity to hold orphans, bring hope to the hopeless, and pray for the sick, lives are transformed.

----
Original Article can be found at ChristianNewsWire.

Such a good reminder :)

2009-11-27T23:19:00.003-06:00

I just love how this puts everything into a clear perspective...

WHAT IS A MISSIONARY?

"As My Father hath sent Me, even so send I you." ~John 20:21

A missionary is one sent by Jesus Christ as He was sent by God. The great dominant note is not the needs of men, but the command of Jesus. The source of our inspiration in work for God is behind, not before. The tendency to-day is to put the inspiration ahead, to sweep everything in front of us and bring it all out to our conception of success. In the New Testament the inspiration is put behind us, the Lord Jesus. The ideal is to be true to Him, to carry out His enterprises.

Personal attachment to the Lord Jesus and His point of view is the one thing that must not be overlooked. In missionary enterprise the great danger is that God's call is effaced by the needs of the people until human sympathy absolutely overwhelms the meaning of being sent by Jesus. The needs are so enormous, the conditions so perplexing, that every power of mind falters and fails. We forget that the one great reason underneath all missionary enterprise is not first the elevation of the people, nor the education of the people, nor their needs; but first and foremost the command of Jesus Christ - "Go ye therefore, and teach all nations."

When looking back on the lives of men and women of God the tendency is to say - What wonderfully astute wisdom they had! How perfectly they understood all God wanted! The astute mind behind is the Mind of God, not human wisdom at all. We give credit to human wisdom when we should give credit to the Divine guidance of God through childlike people who were foolish enough to trust God's wisdom and the supernatural equipment of God.

(Taken from Oct. 26th reading of Oswald Chamber's My Utmost for His Highest)

We are all missionaries. I don't care where you are, where you are going, or where you are not going, it is the love of Christ which compels us to tell all people of every nation and every generation that He is Lord of all. Each day is our chance to live out love, not just in deeds or service (though they have equal significance), but in words as well. It is easy to forget the magnitude of what we say to each other. Let us be wise, cautious and intentional with our speech because they set so many things in motion, whether Truth or lies. (Col. 3:16-17)

Above every cause and every need that is crying out to be met, the message and display of His love will cure all.

An Oldie but a Goodie.

2009-11-18T09:58:00.002-06:00

I just love this song... God's been using it a lot lately to just remind me of exactly who He is and what He is capable of! Take some time to just read each line and think about how far His characteristics go.

"I Am" ~Mark Schultz

I am the maker of the Heavens
I am the bright and morning star
I am the breath of all Creation
Who always was
And is to come

I am the One who walked on water
I am the One who calmed the seas
I am the miracles and wonders
So come and see
And follow me
You will know

Chorus:
I am the fount of living water
The risen Son of man
The healer of the broken
And when you cry
I am your savior and redeemer
Who bore the sins of man
The author and perfecter
Beginning and the end
I am

I am the spirit deep inside you
I am the word upon your heart
I am the One who even knew you
Before your birth
Before you were

Chorus:

Before the Earth (I am)
The universe (I am)
In every heart (I am)
Oh, where you are (I am)
The Lord of love (I am)
The King of Kings (I am)
The Holy lamb (I am)
Above all things

Chorus:

Yes, I am almighty God your father
The risen son of man
The healer of the broken
And when you cry
I am your savior and redeemer
Who bore the sins of man
The author and perfecter
Beginning and the end
I am

The i Heart Revolution.

2009-11-04T23:14:00.007-06:00

We need each other.

Watching that movie made me recognize what things need to happen in order for Christ to finally return and rebuild His kingdom on the earth. Missionaries, social entrepreneurs like me and advocates who promote natural human rights are going to usher our world into the return of Christ. If in fact we do end up with a worldwide currency that is so popularly predicted and already currently in the form of proposals by world leading countries, the economic condition of each individual nation must be leveled off equally to where it is economically possible to no longer have an exchange rate. For us to reach that level, we need to keep doing what we are doing: micro-financing and aid work to help bring people out of extreme poverty and disease. With the way our Christian culture is here in the U.S. it is easy to think about the “end times” and the return of Christ with negative connotation when in fact we should be anticipating it. Though it will be difficult at first, we know what the end result is and should be excited about the fact that our God is going to rebuild his kingdom on the earth He created so that it could be perfected and we can have life in eternity as we were meant to live.

We need to stop allowing ourselves to feel useless and worthless. It only keeps us from recognizing that I alone can accomplish a certain task given specifically to me by God. I have to put my own plans and goals aside in order to experience the purpose God had in mind for me since the day I was born. He did not have to give me these tasks. I am useless without Him. ALL I AM NOT, HE IS. [And I am nothing.]

I have to stop looking in the mirror and thinking that everything I am worth comes from the feautres I can see about myself- my skills, my looks, my possessions; my achievements. My value was nailed to a cross. My value was raised to life. I need to come to grips with the fact that He is what defines and solidifies my worth. If I keep searching for treasures on this earth or something to gratify my longings on this earth I will be chasing the wind for the rest of my life. It would also be a chase after the wind if I find my value in outdoing someone else in my successes. "By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13:35). That’s what I want to push myself in. That’s what I need to push myself to compete against others in with all of my life and for the rest of my life. If I can’t love my sisters or my brothers, I cannot possibly love God. I can’t accomplish anything without others alongside me. I can’t keep living like I’m the only one that needs to save the world. It is not just my responsibility, or even the responsibility of my nation. It is the responsibility of every individual that calls themselves a follower of Christ. If we are called followers, why are we constantly trying to pave our own road instead of following the trail Christ has already left for us? Why is it that we are just now grasping His calling on our lives to meet the needs of people around us when it is constantly mentioned in the word? How much of his voice have we ignored?

“Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.”
(Mother Teresa)

Lord, you’ve given us a mind, logic, hands, feet, and a voice so that we could be practical in our worship. Show us how to really live. Let your love transform us so deeply that we see our fellow man with your eyes. We have such universal needs and desires. We cannot pretend like we are separated by culture anymore.

When you sent your son to this earth, his desires were your same desires. He was willing. He said, "I will go for their sake. I will go for them!"

In a speech he gave in 1965 at the University of Cape Town in South Africa, then Senator Bobby Kennedy talked about how the world was changing, and said the following:
"Everywhere [that] new technology and communications bring men and nations closer together, the concerns of one inevitably become the concerns of all. And our new closeness is stripping away the false masks, the illusion of differences which is at the root of injustice and hate and war. Only earthbound man still clings to the dark and poisoning superstition that his world is bound by the nearest hill, his universe ends at river's shore, his common humanity is enclosed in the tight circle of those who share his town or his views and the color of his skin."
He went on to say to a group of students: "It is your job, the task of the young people in this world to strip the last remnants of that ancient cruel belief from the civilization of man."

We need each other. We need to love each other.

((fight for it.))

No Kidding, You Should Read This.

2009-05-01T11:43:00.002-05:00

"The Christians should have continued this missionary work among all peoples. They would then have met worthwile hazards of physical hardships and social persecution. They would have been compelled to pray without ceasing a prayer of sincerity and importunity. As they traveled, educating the world, every day they would have received fresh strength from the King of their hearts and souls who takes especial care of his soldiers on the firing line and the outposts of his kingdom. True it is that many Christians did teach this way. Suppose thousands of spiritually and mentally strong teachers had continued the work and had persistently taught true Christianity, the best Greek science and philosophy, arts and crafts, the Dark Ages might never have come upon the Western world and civilization might now be advanced to a point beyond imagining.
The teachers who might have been went into monastic cells. They substituted contemplation for service...While they gazed into the skies searching for God, the barbarians stormed through..."

~Alber & Emily Vail, Transforming Light: The Living Heritage of World Religions

>>Punk Rock<< Did I say that out loud?

2009-04-22T14:36:00.004-05:00

I never realized how long it has taken me to fully come back to who I am since coming down south 3 years ago...

Among other things, I am currently listening to the category "Jimmy Eat World Music" on Pandora.com... Jimmy Eat World, Sugarcult, Dashboard Confessional, and Snow Patrol have been playing some good 'ol love songs and ya know what? I am enjoying it. I feel like the music scene at Belmont can make me feel like I have to be some sophisticated music snob (no offense) when, in reality, I just want to listen to music because it's fun to listen (thanks to Chris for pointing that out to me over Spring Break). Granted, I like how much exposure I have received from being in the midst of people who are so knowledgeable, though sometimes even Belmont can have a consistent sound throughout different bands... I just want to be comfortable with what my taste in music is first. It has surprised me to see how self-conscious I get when other people are listening to my iTunes or my iPod is playing in the car. Obviously I am not going to keep myself stuck on one genre and one only cuz I enjoy pretty much every type of music so long as my mood will accept it.

Phew. Glad I got that out there. It's about time I said that "out loud."

Don't L00k At Me Like That.

2009-04-07T22:47:00.004-05:00

The pulsation of my heart has been pumping harder lately; as though it has been bench pressing and someone just added a few more weights on.

I am tired of the things this world says.

Forgive me if I am about to be to blatant out loud, but maybe we have all just been much to PC to get up the nerves to say anything about it.

PRAISE GOD FOR GENDER DIFFERENCES.

I hope that raised a curious, questioning brow or two.

I am not out to offend or argue with the homosexual community if that's where your mind is leading you. Although I do not agree with that lifestyle I love that community more than people probably realize.

What I am trying to say is that I am so tired of the confusion and need for control between men and women. It's like someone erased the defining line between what makes me a woman and what makes a man, a man.

My heart longs to fully know what God was thinking when he designed Eve; why He decided on what characteristics to design her with and for what purpose He hoped (and still hopes) to fulfill through women.

But even above that, my heart has been tearing down the center for the men in my life and all the confusion and bombardment of lies they have to beat their way through in order to reach the surface and into the sunshine of God's design for their gender. I realize that I am incapable of understanding all of God's thoughts and purposes in things, but I am so certain that men were not created with such masculinity for the sake of outdoing one another in tolerance for ungodly things whether it be in thoughts, actions, or entertainment. Give me a man who wants nothing more than to yank the kingdom of heaven into earth through his goodness, servant's heart, wisdom, and courage to go against the grain of his peers or even his pride.

I could not care less how imperfect your (men's) life has been: His mercies are new EVERY morning and so should ours (women's or visa versa).
That's something that sent a slight jab into my heart this past weekend: a guest speaker came to my college service and he brought up the blessing that his wife was and was boasting about how she was a virgin at the time they married (and praise God for that!). Seriously, I am happy for him it's just that I could not help but wonder if those who could not boast virginity about their lives received any sting of guilt or were struck with the fact that they could not identify with keeping that gift until marriage.

As a virgin I dare say give me a godly man who has had an imperfect past and I will tell you I am beholding a miracle. For though he went astray, the Lord left ninety-nine to find him and bring him home again. My Father makes ALL things new. The old has gone; the new has come - and that is something to live by.

More than anything, I am sick and tired of being put into the box of women stereotypes. As a matter of fact, I would like to submit to you men; if I am going to take your job and be paid as well as you it better be because I am capable and qualified not because affirmative action says so. And NO I do not like to be bossy. As a woman, it is important to me to accomplish things that are important and will insist on getting it moving if the other party is not. Ultimately, I wish the other party at least gave input other than, "you make the call." Though this may be the case for some women, that does not give me some heavy duty power trip: it makes me tired. It wears me down because I was not meant to take on the world by myself. God made me to be a partner, a helper, a supporter and encourager. The greatest privilege on this earth for me would be to help one man accomplish the unimaginable quest that God has laid before him: a unique plan tailor made for one of His sons and I.

I realize that there are people out there who could read this and call me a hypocrite because I have not lived up to all of these things. But everyone can be called a hypocrite at some point in their lives so can we just move on?

As women, we have not made men's lives easy. We are indecisive, insecure control freaks who convince ourselves to believe that sweet talking and dressing in inappropriate ways will finally lure in the perfect man and seal the deal when really it welcomes all the wrong attention and encourages men to see us with perverted vision.

Don't look at me like that!

I am calling out to all the men: PLEASE!! Restore me! Tell me what I am supposed to be not what the world says I am. Step into God's definition of masculinity and if you don't know what that definition is then ask Him to tell you. Pray that I understand what God's definition of femininity is. How I can encourage you? Hold me accountable to walking (and talking) in truth and purity.

Personally, I really like how different men are from women and women from men. Together in our true light, we cover all grounds.

Please... let's do something different than this world has been teaching us.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." -Hebrews 12:1

Why I Love This Girl. :)

2009-03-25T11:58:00.004-05:00

God has truly blessed my life with family and friends who have and continue to challenge me and push me to reach out for more and more of what the Lord wants to do through my life.

One of those people- a best friend and sister from childhood- is Sarah Barlow. God has used her to be a great example of faith in her everyday life. We had a wonderful conversation the other day about stepping out in faith, but doing so without keeping one hand in the situation. And then I came across this blog post of hers that I really want to pass along to all of you.

The power and capability we have is LIMITLESS through Christ Jesus our Lord!! We need to stop selling ourselves short!

How bad do you want it??
I've had some pretty amazing conversations this week, that for me is probably one of my most favorite things about life...long DEEP conversations about just everything! There's just something about it.
Yesterday, my incredible friend, Amy and I got together for lunch to catch up...after talking for awhile we realized that one of the things that BOTH of us were majorly dealing with was passivity... knowing exactly what we are supposed to do but just NOT wanting to do it!
I've come to realize that I have chosen where I am today...I could if I wanted to... have been a multi-millionaire with a huge business, giving millions into the gospel by now and saving kids over in Africa. It's truly been my choice... I feel like I've been putting out about 30% of my potential into what I undertake...which I've accomplished a lot so far... but...that's right there's been sooo many buts!

I spend the day on Facebook instead of getting what I need to do done. I watch that movie rather than working out. I go hang out with friends instead of spending time with God. And I go shopping instead of doing my taxes. Not that ANY of these are wrong..if you aren't doing these then there is something wrong there too...but it's doing these things mainly and the other things when I muster up the feeling to do it!
Really what I've realized is it's the flesh and right now it is MUCH stronger than my conscience... denying yourself things in fasting is a WONDERFUL way of putting that flesh under and rising above it! I've realized that the times that I've gotten THE most done is when I've lived a fasted lifestyle...one that doesn't constantly succumb to every whim that my flesh wants! It's saying no FIERCELY to those things for awhile and realizing how much time we are wasting just sitting around waiting for something amazing to happen! We are the amazing thing that is about to happen to this world but only if we get off our buts-butts and GET MOVING! I think we will be surprised in heaven when God shows us HOW MUCH we were able to accomplish compared to what we actually did because of us letting that flesh get in the way! As my desktop background says...THE WORLD IS WAITING FOR YOU!!! Let's PRESS IN! Not lean back!!

Posted by Sarah Barlow at 1:13 PM 6 comments
Labels: Thoughts
TUESDAY, MARCH 03, 2009

[.Insert Blog Title Here.]

2009-03-12T22:42:00.004-05:00

I'm not sure what to write here.

So much has been invading my mind these last two weeks... a refreshing change to my thoughtlessness over the past few months.

I wish so many things right now...
But I know that all I really need is to trust in one Heavenly Father-
Who knows who I really am though I haven't always been true in front of other people,
Him who makes me worthy of something greater and beyond my faults though I don't deserve a second, third, fifty millionth chance at doing things right.

He is someone who loves me to no end even though my understanding of love has been tarnished by this world and I struggle to receive His affection.

I want to be free in the understanding that He is God and I am not.
I want to trust Him with all of me because He actually knows my days: past, present, and future.
As if I actually understand what he has laid out in front of me in the coming days/months/years...
Letting go of control makes me feel light as a feather,
Yet my hands are aching to clench something I long for.

If we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

I have no direction for my life except that scripture above and this one below:

Let love and faithfulness never leave you.

God use me to pour into the beautiful people you have surrounded my life with... don't let me take time for granted for we are but a mist, here today gone tomorrow.
May I remain in your Spirit so that I might be a blessing to others.
I don't want to waste my life by witholding Your love in my life from other people.

In Jesus Name,
Amen.

This Should Not Have Taken So Long!

2009-02-23T17:47:00.001-06:00

At last, an update from my India Trip. For more, check out: india-oh-eight.blogspot.com

Oh man. I do not know how I will ever be able to communicate how much this trip has impacted me.
I would probably have to label it as the most meaningful trip I have ever taken.

And it was nothing like we had anticipated.

I think this trip was a very individual journey for each team member.
At this point I can only speak for myself, but hopefully everyone will have their stories up here too.

This journey was much more difficult and emotional than I prepared for.
For the first time I saw my late grandmother's entire ministry and even slept in her old bed located in the same room.
I finally grieved her death since she passed about 5 years ago.
But I got to see how alive her faith was and just how much its fruit exceeds a lifetime.

I met cousins, aunts, uncles, even my grand uncle and grand auntie... my grandmother's last brother and wife.
It was he, my tambi tatha, who exemplified the meaning of family to me.
He gave me so much love and affection it was unbelievable. I could barely hold my tears in when we said goodbye.

Don't let the picture fool you, he sat next to me and held my hand through pretty much the entire time my dad and I visited with them. :)

In short, I have been amazed to see how lasting of an impact this trip has made on my life. Even up to now, it is impossible to shake the images and experiences of India: the sights, smells, the people...

Although it was the hardest trip I have ever taken, I look back on it with the strongest degree of affection than the others.
God started and is still teaching me what it means to really pursue him. That nothing else, not even my own efforts can bring me any closer to God. I simply need to seek and rely on him alone. That is when fruit really starts to grow from my life.

I love you all. Thank you so much for your unconditional support, love and trust that all this would pull through.

Glory to God, He deserves all the credit...

Not THIS Introverted!

2008-06-04T13:37:00.003-05:00

So...
I've been studying here since about 10 am.
Yesterday, I was here from about 9:30am-4:30 pm including a good lunch break w/ HP :) and then I went to my night class...
Tomorrow it starts all over again: 6:00 alarm, 7:30 class, online class/study.
I don't think I've seen my roommate for more than 5 minutes since the week started.

Sorry I just gotta let this out.

I like being independent... but this is a bit much.
I NEED PEOPLE!!!!!
Haha, this is complete proof that I am not a 100% introvert.
My friends, so many of them are here on campus doing the CA thing or whatever...
but if I don't stay focused on my work there's no way I'll keep up.
Thankfully, I've pretty much got the week's assignments over with for one class, just gotta keep up reading for the other and online discussion for the "other other" class.
Tonight's gonna be sooo good :)
Peoplepeoplepeoplepeople!
Can you tell I've been thinking a little much?

I'd be surprised if anyone's made it this far down, sorry this is so boring!

Another flight on Friday! Both exciting and stressful at the same time.
It'll be good, as always :)

I need to find something else to do...
Like sleeping. Or eating...
That'd be good :)

Wow this is a sad blog...

3 Weeks of Summer...

2008-05-23T20:12:00.002-05:00

...hasn't quite been summer, but I'll take it. :)

It's been a whirlwind of juggling family time with some major projects that need to be tackled. I came home to this beautiful city and just started pouring my time into a mission trip to India that I am coordinating. PHEW! It's been so intense, but when the trip comes it'll all be SO WORTH it! I can't lie it's been stressful. Getting responses from people and decisions made can create such a road block for progress. Unfortunately the stress carried over into my family, especially my brother, and I wasn't being the best sister to be around. That Thursday night I had a breakdown, but thankfully my mentor was up baking a cake (I should thank her dog cuz he ate some of the first cake lol)! I tried to hold it in at first and then just let the tears loose and told her how horrible I felt for not being here for my brother and how things weren't holding steady with the mission trip and I was loosing grip on my confidence in Christ and how this is all going to turn out in good timing.
The best thing she said to me was this (yes, I wrote it down):

"It may be a worry to you, but it's not to God. He's got it all figured out,
He has got it all figured out."

Ah...love it. :)

God's been pushing to get the focus right again. The business details of the trip need to get done, but ultimately, the trip is centered around Him. If I am not walking with Him, then everything I've been doing is meaningless.

Since the focus is being fixed, the load has lightened. Things are falling into place and people are extending their hands to help me carry the load.

This week, I've had the chance to catch up with some old friends and spend more time with my family. :) And my sister flies in tomorrow!!!!!!!! I'm SO EXCITED!!! It's nice to breathe a little, but the work doesn't stop! Haha, I had to start my sociology assignments today... yay for summer semester?

Regardless, I can't lie, it's exciting to still anticipate another flight and a summer with some of the greatest people on earth...
I can feel a new chapter beginning!
AHH!!!

A Woman-When Loved Well-Blossoms.

2008-05-12T00:31:00.005-05:00

It's only for the weak
For the faint of heart
Those driven to their knees
Those who live with scars
There's power from beyond
We're certain where it's from
And that's our source of strength
Before we follow Christ
We need to be advised
It's only for the weak

Wow, Sophomore year has come to an end. This year has been a 180 degree change from the year before! Everything that wasn't good enough, all my worries, scars, shame, insecurities: gone. I can't even begin to tell in detail about the areas of weakness in my life that Christ has filled.

It is truly a miracle.

But two weeks before the school year started I was fearful of going back. I wasn't sure I was ready to face the things I left behind-afraid that I had lost friends, my "status" (as if that matters!), my security. Fact of the matter is, if I were able to see into the future, I would have been running & jumping with anticipation for this year to hurry up and start!

Best year ever? Perhaps. :)

By human standards, I probably didn't live up to the definition of the "best year ever". I almost failed Integrated Accounting, a 6 hour credit course that sunk my GPA into the dirt, and had a breakdown out of frustration because I had no clue whether my major was really something I should continue studying. Frat parties and formals that I was once invited to slowly drifted from my immediate friendships. I backed out of a sorority full of amazing girls who enthusiastically gave me a bid. Stomach flu hit me for the first time in my life. I discovered I wouldn't be able to see my wonderful family for more than one period of 3 weeks within 2008. And by spring time, couples have come out in full bloom and so are engagement rings.

So let go, 'cause there's beauty in the breakdown.

It really was a beautiful thing. :)
Amidst these imperfections of my life story, I have learned what it means to really learn. Though my GPA is important, it doesn't define me or my ability to succeed. God has led me to step out in faith to pursue a degree in Social Entrepreneurship and I have never been so fired up to take on different courses even though it costs me some time in summer school.
I have been so lovingly reminded that my "status" of importance and worth isn't in joining a greek organization or mingling with frat boys, but it is in the people I pour life into wherever I am. The unsettling feeling in my heart when I initially took the bid from Alpha Sigma Tau was such a sign that there were other relationships and events I needed to spend my time on, like volunteering at Nashville CARES and growing so much closer to Rachel & Aslan.
Even though sickness comes, there is healing. Mine came within a day-it was a humbling 24 hours in which I discovered 3 friends who still loved me in that state. Though distance separates me from family, my love for them has overtaken my heart as a result. The blessing of a mentorship and a big, warm embrace from her family has also been a great comfort to rest in.
As far as singleness goes, I have thoroughly embraced it. I LOVE my life and the honest satisfaction there is in living everyday with Christ by my side. In "ooh-ing" and "ahh-ing" diamond adorned hands, listening to proposal stories, and saying "Congratulations," I am by no means envious or disappointed by my own state. To be single is a luxury that many forego or blindly rush through.

And I've found myself in You...

Because He loves me...and because I let Him love me, my life has grown in full bloom-He has loved me well. :)

What a triumphant year!

Social Work Makes Me MAD.

2008-04-30T22:50:00.003-05:00

Not the class, but what we study in it.

I have my final tomorrow morning so I have been doing a basic overview of the chapters; this stuff makes me squirm in my chair every time I read it.

So many people are uninsured, CHILDREN are the highest population living in poverty....
High schoolers have to deal with violence, teen pregnancy, STDs, dropping out, etc.

In the city of Nashville alone, there is a 60%-70% high school graduation rate.
ONLY 60%-70%!
That's ridiculous!
These kids need to at least get their GED to get anywhere in the least bit, but obviously they are not even motivated to make it that far.

Why are African Americans 27 times more likely to go to jail for the same crime a white man commits? WHY?!

Out of everything I have studied today, the poverty threshold, its creation and current status is the thing that rubs me the worst way. Here is an excerpt of what is in my notes:

The Poverty Threshold was created by taking the 1955 cost of a minimum adequate diet for families of different sizes and multiplying the cost by three to allow for other expenses (the diet used was the Economy Food Plan, the cheapest of four food plans issued by the U.S. Department of Agriculture).
It has never been updated to account for changing household consumption patterns.
(getting angrier...)
The cost of child care was NOT figured into the official guidelines because the typical family in the 1950s had one wage earner and a stay-at-home mother.
(Aughh...)
The guidelines do not recognize geographic differences even though the cost of food, clothing and housing VARIES from state to state and within states. Also, the poverty measure does not take into account differences between urban areas (where housing costs tend to be higher) and rural areas (where transportation costs are higher).

There are NO economic calculations made for anyone in this country that is living in poverty. I'm sorry but this just pisses me off. I mean, come on! We all know the cost of living is different in Birmingham, Alabama than it is in San Diego, California! How do they expect people to make it? Obviously, whoever made this whole thing doesn't actually care that there are real people out there barely getting by every single day.
Thinking about this brings me back to my volunteer work at the HIV/AIDS Center. Some of the paper work I had to file contained each client's monthly income. It was insane to see the digits vary from completely nothing to near $30,000. It's unfortunate that money has so much to do with the well-being of someone's health or general success in life... even if they are hit with the same tragedy.
I don't even know where to start or what it would take to create change. It is so easy to come across people here that are homeless and come around begging for money or help getting medicine or a ride, etc. But as a female, I am extra cautious and it cramps my ability to be generous. On top of that, I want better for them than to just give them a bit of cash. I feel like doing volunteer work is the only effective way to get them provisions they need.

Sigh. When are people going to wake up and realize that it is so much better to put more money toward preventative care than to clean up all the damage after someone's life has been ruined by a poor education (if any), poverty, disease, and/or crime??

Still squirming...

{.Restorative Justice.}~|FRECKLES|

2008-04-27T21:55:00.005-05:00

These past few days have been absolutely amazing!! Aside from the weather getting better, life has just been awesome amidst the stress of ending another school year.

But anyway, I went to the graduation ceremony for my friend's sociology class called Restorative Justice. This class is made up of about 10 university students and about 10 men who are in the transition stage between serving time and going on parole.

It was life changing.

The warmth in that room was stunning! I could not wipe the smile off my face from the time I walked into the classroom until we got our licenses back that night.

I've never experienced such beauty in a jail...it is so difficult to put into words.

The joy on each man's face as he greeted his family and friends.
Tears that were shed as a heart of repentance verbally expressed his transformation.
Hugs and cheers.
To see a guilty man go free because his debt is now paid, is that not the vision God had intended for us as a community of people?

They are capable of repentance.
They are capable of reform.
They were made to be forgiven.
To have a second chance at life.

I was completely taken aback when I found out what some of these men were convicted of.
Surely that man did not commit murder!
The glimmer of joy in his eyes and wide smile on his face suggested the opposite of his life.

Oh how things change when a man is given the opportunity to hope, be embraced regardless of his past; to know that he has a second chance and it is a chance to succeed.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{.Beauty.}

I wondered if I could trade my body with somebody else in magazines
With the whole world full at my feet
I phantom worthy and would blame my failures on the ugliness I could see
When the mirror looked at me
Sometimes I feel like the little girl who doesn’t belong in her own world
But I'm getting better
And I'm reminding myself

...Why waste a second not loving who you are?
Those little imperfections make you beautiful, lovable, valuable,
They show your personality inside your heart
Reflecting who you are
(bedingfield)

This song has been such an encouragement to me tonight.
This is probably the 20th time I'm listening to it. :)
It's not that I am the least bit lonely.
I just don't feel good enough.
I am that girl that is always put on hold just in case the prettier, funnier one doesn't work out.

The further I get into college and get stuck dealing with the constant pressure to find someone the more unappealing it becomes...
guys seem more like flakes,
expecting me to give them attention without pursuing me,
or when I do my part to generate a friendship they don't do their part or freak out!
It's like everyone is struck with paranoia:
when all I want are genuine friendships before any sort of romance, I get struck with the f-word.
"blah blah blah, friend."
In the way that comes off like they are so paranoid that I want more from them that very second.

Does it seem like I am contradicting myself?
I am just SO SICK of thinking about a possible relationship or about where this or that could be leading to.
I just want to be me-
to be loved for being the weird, nerdy, NOT funny, happy, people-loving person that I am confident God is molding me to be.

I am exhausted from feeling like I have to be someone else to be accepted.
The guy[s?] I feel the most real with could care less about really loving me.
Why am I never good enough?
Will I ever be?

I know I am enough in Christ.
He is more than enough for me.
But in my relationships, romantic or not,
I am just never enough.
This world holds a different standard to me
and I don't match up.
Nothing in this world ever feels like enough for me either.

This is an ongoing cycle of dissatisfaction.
Relationships that have nothing to do with romance and high maintenance are usually the most effective ones I have ever experienced.

Those little imperfections make you beautiful, lovable, valuable...reflecting who you are.

Maybe someday someone will say that to me.
Regardless, I will one day rest in the midst of heavenly treasures stored up in my lifetime.
Whether human appreciation comes my way or not.

So Ridiculous...

2008-04-11T11:23:00.002-05:00

I find it pitiful to believe that THIS is what we put our hope in...

Yesterday, I was volunteering at an HIV/AIDS Social Services Center and one of the things they needed me to do was put together Safer Sex Kits. I had done this once before and never thought twice about it, my mind was too busy analyzing the fact that I was handling more condoms and lubes than I had ever seen in my entire life! But this time the guilt seeped into my heart as I was making them...I just wanted to stop and wash my hands (both literally and figuratively speaking). I don't want people to have sex outside of the context that God created it for!
To many, it seems like a childish thing to be sad about. I can't even estimate how many of those I made, but every time I tossed a finished one into a box I couldn't help but hurt for that person who is going to pick it up at the club it's distributed to and use it. I know that not taking part of it won't necessarily promote abstinence, but it just might for a few people.

I need to go wash my hands again...

A Life of Service

2008-04-07T23:01:00.005-05:00

"I slept and dreamt that life was joy

I woke and saw that life was service

I acted and behold, service was joy"

-Rabindranath Tagore

That little poem was written by the same man, Rabindranath Tagore that wrote India's national anthem. :)
I love how everything I have been researching today has somehow tied into my life.
It's amazing how one day a person can be so far from God and the next so close.
All because he came clean before his Maker.
That's how my past 2 days have been!

I am so obsessed with this new career path God is leading me on it's amazing!! Social Entrepreneurship just sets my heart on fire with excitement. :)

A perfect example of Social Entrepreneurship is TOMS Shoes. If you haven't heard of them yet, you need to check it out right now! And if you already know of them, you should read up on the company some more :) I am absolutely in love with it- the concept is so simple yet makes a GRAND effect on our world!

"I'm addicted to you, don't you know that your toxic?"

2008-03-19T13:35:00.004-05:00

“Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point.”
- Jack Handy

IT'S SPRING BREAK!!! At last.

As you can probably tell bogging has taken a back seat these last 2 weeks. I've made a home in Starbuck's and one of the Student Centers in town: studying my time away. But it's definitely paid off cuz I'm pretty sure I did well on these tests and such I've been having!

Anywho, onto the deep stuff lol:

I feel like my whole life has suddenly changed!

One minute I'm going thru the normal process of being indecisive about Music Business and the next I found myself stepping out in faith and growing up more than I thought I would at this point.

The realization finally hit me last night that I won't be home much for the rest of the calendar year...

Haha, not gonna lie, it's really hard to think this hard right now cuz I am officially on Spring Break!!

Here's the point:
I'm changing my major.
((And I'm VERY excited!!! It finally makes sense!!))
Also, I'm staying down south for the summer to catch up.
Most of my closest friends are staying this summer-it's gonna be AMAZING!!!!!

So yeah, that's it! I'm going to end this blog w/ my recent YouTube addiction:

Haha, this video makes me happy. :)

2008-03-04T15:11:00.008-06:00

You remind me...
Words You've spoken over my life
Promises I've yet to see
You comfort me

Man. Life is good.
I have the tendency to forget to write blogs when I'm happy cuz I just keep going with life.
But these are the times that are most important to record!

What a year. :)

I am very aware that my life isn't perfect,
but it is so undeniably covered in grace, love, and blessings!
Every time I stop questioning God about what's next
or how I should handle situations-
It all simply comes together!

Suddenly, opportunities and decisions fall right into my lap,
progress takes place without my even knowing,
and then I hesitate cuz I just can't believe that it's right there and green lights are flashing around me!

Ah, the beauty of surrender.

I feel sorry for people who think that Christianity is a list of do's and don'ts!
They're missing out on the DEFINITION of freedom!

Gosh, I am so excited about all the things God's been speaking into my life!
The year to come is going to be such a journey!!

Family Business, Jack Johnson, and Everything Awesome In Between!

2008-02-20T18:04:00.011-06:00

AT LAST!!!!!
For those of you that don't know, my brother, sister and I have been working at starting a photography business together. Weddings, Fashion, Headshots, Bands, Marketing...ya know, for all that fun stuff in life!
Well, my sister just sent me the link to the blog and it's great!

I have to say, my gratitude for my brother and sister has risen at the sight of that blog. Seeing something online for it is making me realize just how real it is... they have put way more work into the company than I even realized since I'm here in my little college world just trying to get to graduation and shooting for ministries before really invest my time into this business.
But it's SO exciting! So check it out! My brother's the one who's been shooting everything that's on the blog right now (I'll be adding some VERY soon!) but there will be more to come!!

ALSO...

I had to write a paper for class with the topic "Technology and its impact on...[fill in the blank]" and had a lightbulb moment when I thought of the recent CD I had bought, Jack Johnson's Sleep Through The Static, and how the album was recorded using 100% solar energy.

So I checked out his website and it is AMAZING what Jack Johnson and his crew are doing to minimize waste! (Yes, I am an environmentalist in the making) But this other organization: One Percent for the Planet is SO cool. :) They basically just work with businesses to donate 1% toward a cause that FTP is partnered with. I looked at the website and without hesitation thought "I would love to work with these guys!" I don't know why, it just seemed intriguing. :)

Enjoy surfing these sites! :-D